Classic vs Rock
by Genghis Khan
Summary: Artemis Fowl the Second can handle saving the world: a few times. However, now he has to manage being friends with a boy whose family, fellow roommates, and pets are all but out to kill him and Artemis. Life as a teenager never seemed so complicated.
1. Child Prey

Disclaimer: I don't own this so please do not sue me. All the chapters up to 15 have been edited again as of September 3rd, 2007. There are changers. If this is your first time reading, have fun. I'm not putting any warnings but a lot of this is up for grabs in all directions. If you have read before, read again. You'll see this posted again in chapter 16 when it is uploaded. Happy trails.

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Bright crisp papers fluttered effortlessly into each student's hands. However, this did not mean that the students wanted those papers there. In fact, if it had been up to the majority of the students, most of those papers would be folded into small airplanes and aimed at each others' eyes (or anything else that could be poked out or at).

Getting back on the subject of majority of the students, there was one indeed, who just got down to it. Writing and balancing the chemical equations effortlessly and not being mislead by photosynthesis in the process of decaying and breaking into the category of other (ignoring that fact that he knew it was decay fallowed by double replacement with combustion). It was when he was moving to the multiple guess that he ran into some trouble. No, no, not trouble as in when you start panicking and freeze up, but the trouble of concentration

For, this test was not during class time. It was after school, and not even located in the chemistry department, but in the biology section. So, having to make up a test after classes had ended was not one of Artemis' ideas of a wonderful time.

The rocker kid in front of him, really didn't help out his attitude. The person was, in fact, listening to some sort of Rock. How irritating.

Slowly and silently Artemis leaned forward in his seat. "Excuse me." Artemis whispered, trying to get the other boys attention.

"Kiss me, kill me, Kiss me kill me love me!" was the answer. The boy was clearly not listening to Artemis at all and was quiet absorbed in his own test. Gently, watching the teacher do her nails, Artemis tapped the other boy. Once again the reply was something about death and kissing. Artemis sighed, this was getting old real fast, and he refused to force himself to focus with that noise grating in the background.

Leaning even farther a crossed the table, Artemis jabbed his erasers tip into the back of the other boy. But, before he could once again ask the boy (well, demand) the boy swung around and glared. Bright amber eyes bore into sapphire, the battle was on.

The boy leaned on the back of his chair, which brushed Artemis' own desk, while slowly turning his MP3 player down. "Excuse me, but as much as I'd like to swap answers, I don't do the cheating thing."

"Nor do I. I was simply going to inquire about your…singing. It would be of great benefit to you and I if you were to cease during this class period." Artemis was preparing to dumb it down.

"You could have just asked me, "please stop singing". You didn't have to give me the whole suasive argument." And with that, the boy turned back around, and started to blast Devils Trill through his headphones. Artemis decided he could stand the distortion of classical music and thought that it helped that the other boy was no longer singing.

Turning his attention back to his own test, Artemis found it much easier to circle the correct answers. Finishing without further delay, Artemis marched his test up to the teacher, who took it and nodded, throwing it into the pile of, "shit to do". Sighing, he grabbed his bag and left the classroom with the strange rocker kid. As soon as he was out the door, the boy started singing again, only this time it was completely incomprehensible. Straitening his attire he continued on his way to his dorm.

Indeed, his lovely mother and father persisted that he be set up with a roommate. Surprisingly, this roommate was not as bad as he had foreseen. His name was Tom Mano and instead of being loud and hormone ravaged he was very calm and quiet. Even though Tom was often slow to think, when he spoke out his words were clear and precise. It was only when Artemis started talking about electronics that the boy got lost.

Tom, even though he was very bright, did not get along well with computers. No matter how many times the professor had explained excel or anything other than word to him, Tom always messed up. Stepping into their room, Artemis could see that Tom was not present.

Artemis was going to find not only a way to unblock his financial account, but also he was going to be able to create a better one. Searching through the files and selecting the ones in which he was going to deposit he found that his father had also been active as well. Though, before he had a chance to fully see what his father had been up too, he heard slamming and thunking outside his dorm room. Saving his files and flipping his literary essay up he was quiet prepared for Tom's entry. But what he wasn't ready for was another boy's entry.

Tom had brought along Eric Prince, the self-claimed god of sports. He had tactical to practical memorized and executed the strategies without mercy. When he took the reins as Captains, even the upper classmen bowed down before him. Artemis continued to ignore them.

"Sorry to disturb you Artemis." Tom whispered, shuffling through his cabinet and bookshelf. Artemis shrugged and returned to his essay, allowing Tom to find whatever he needed to find. Tom left for a moment only to return a few minutes later with his guitar case and music sheets. Eric opened the door and the two left Artemis alone. Half a second passed and Tom popped his head back in the door.

"Hey, Artemis?"

"Yes I'll feed the fish." Artemis replied, scrolling through his essay. It was un-written rule that if one of them were to be out the other would then feed the two Beta fish.

"That's not it. I was wondering if you would like to come to a concert tonight...I know it is short notice, but I think you would rather enjoy it." Tom replied, smiling. Artemis turned to Tom and shook his head.

Artemis flashed his eyes over to look at Tom and shook his head, "No thank you Tom. I have work that I must complete."

"That's fine! Have a nice night Artemis!" and with that, Tom shut the door lightly and could be heard skipping down the hall.

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It had been a long night, and Tom was taking forever to get his white ass back to the theater with Eric. David has already set up the drums, and Steffen was setting up all the amps. Soon, the two boys arrived.

"Tom! Where the fuck have you been?" Cried a red head, dropping off the stage and running at the other boy.

"I-"

"He was trying to talk that Fowl boy into coming to our practice." Eric announced, glaring at Tom, who scampered up the stairs. The blond turned his head towards the Tom as he fiddled with the guitar strings.

"He always is so alone!" Tom whispered, looking through his music.

"Well, if he didn't act so fucking high and mighty he wouldn't be so isolated from the rest of us now would he?" David snapped, twirling his drum sticks while trying to avoid his red hair.

"He's a teen just like us!" Tom answered.

"He's irritating. He always has to be right. God, it's hard enough listening to him in math class." Eric replied, setting up the keyboard.

"He's lost.." Tom whispered, ducking into his music.

"Sounds like a personal problem." Steffen silenced the two. He was done with the bickering and done with hearing about Fowl.

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**There you go. I urge you to read on and review. But if you wish not to, that is fine and totally your choice.**


	2. Cage

Disclaimer: Same old same old.

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Artemis Fowl the Second did not appreciate taking lunch with the other boys. In fact, he'd only done it once and that was something he planned on never doing again. Substituting his dorm living room for the school lunchroom was a great improvement for his eating habits. He found himself enjoying the silence and absorbing the calmness around him. Surprising everyone, he made his own lunch: nice lean sandwich and salad. Sometimes even a dash of caviar snuck its way into the meal.

He tried to share his caviar with Tom, once. Tom nearly broke down in tears when he found out what it was made from. Artemis almost found it troublesome now that Tom had brought it up, but it was too good to give up. However, he was not addicted. Caviar was a treat, and today, he was going to need it.

Rarely was he interrupted, seeing as he had second lunch and Tom had first, so he was quite irked when a knock came at the door. Continuing on with what he was doing, Artemis screwed the lid tight and cut his sandwich in half. A second knock sounded as he sat down to eat.

"Damn it Fowl, open this motherfucking door!" Artemis scoffed slightly and continued to assist his lunch in its disappearing act. "Tom is heavy, Fowl. I can't hold him for long and he forgot his keys."

Artemis set his sandwich down and looked over at the door. "What a shame."

There was a pause and Artemis imagined the other boy shifting Tom's weight. "Would you please open the door before I break it down." Artemis turned back to his sandwich. "I mean, as hot as you are under all those layers, I doubt you'd be too please to have to dress in front of an open door."

Taking his sweet time, Artemis gracefully unlocked the door and stepped away. "Patience is a virtue."

"Time is money." The boy strode past Artemis and took a left allowing Artemis to catch a glimpse of Tom's body draped in this intruder's arms. Artemis went back to his-own business and didn't make any motion to see what was going on in Tom's room.

"Thank you for the delayed reaction, Fowl." Artemis didn't bother to look up. He knew the boy had re-emerged from Tom's room. "I've tilted his head to the side but check in on him from time to time. It would be a crying shame if he drowned in his own puke."

Artemis raised a brow as he looked up. "And I shall tell the paramedics why you did not call them first."

"He's sick, not drunk." Amber eyes flashed angrily through the wire frames and blond trusses were shook to left side of the face. "I pray you never attend med school." Before Artemis had a chance to smirk the boy was out the door and shutting it behind him.

Moments later he heard groaning and a silent pitter-patter to their bathroom and a lovely slam echoed through the lonesome dorm room. Tom, to Artemis' displeasure, had not made it to the bathroom toilet. Artemis could distinguish the sound of vomit hitting the floor and Tom's gut dry-heaving what wasn't there. He was glad that he had finished lunch so quickly and now that Tom was awake, he could leave just as quickly.

Making sure to grab his keys, he left Tom to his own demise and started towards his next session with Dr. Po. Allowing himself a few moments to have a silent laugh as he passed through the office and it's halls lined with framed degrees. The secretary waved him in as he passed her making sure that she wrote down the time he came. He was not in the mood for games today and decided that he would do whatever it took to get in and out.

Which usually made it ten times worse.

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Sliding into one of the chairs, he found himself confronted with the same routine. Dr. P was still trying to information out of Artemis about his problems. If there were any problems that he had, he already knew about them, and didn't need to discuss them with this imposter.

And yes, he had told that to Dr Po once. The man had a baffled look but then found something humorous in the statement.

A tap sounded as Po set his legal pad onto the table. "Mr. Fowl, do you find our sessions to be a joke of some sorts?"

"No. I find it a waste of my time." Artemis lounged in his chair as he spoke. Dr. Po sighed softly to himself. It would take a miracle for this boy to make any friends. "The first and last person who understood me is burned into my memory. A memory not for your dissection."

" Is that so?" Po leaned back in his chair. "Are friends a waste of you time and a memory, as well?"

"I have friends, Dr. I do not need your or my parents' intervention on that aspect of my life as well. Not just a memory." That had to be the best shut down issued ever. If any other child had said it fireworks would have gone off and a monument would have been constructed on the spot. Only, none of that would happen because it was Artemis Fowl. These things came natural.

"Would one your own age really hurt you?" Artemis wanted to reply yes. How could one not? The friends his own age already got him into enough trouble as it was, why would one his own age be any different?

"We're talking physical age, aren't we?" There was a nod. "We've gone over this."

And this was when the bomb went off. "Yes, and then your parents and I went over it. If you want these 'sessions' to cease and desist, we've decided on a candidate to be your friend. Or at least, get the ball rolling." Artemis almost protested and almost walked out. That was not the way to handle the situation.

There was no giving this idea the chance to exist. "This is all on the assumption I agree to the plan." Though, he did trust his parents, he still wished that they had consulted him. Indeed he had seen the many e-mails drifting between his parents and Po, but he hadn't intervened because that was their private business, not his. He glanced back up at Po, who had started to talk again.

"You will meeting each other come fin-"

Artemis held his hand up to silence the other man. "And you will be watching to see if we get along. Charming." Now he had a week to figure out who he would be spending his summer with. Intrigued with who the other boy might be, Artemis now had a project to amuse his brain with. Tom and he were going to have a very interesting conversation tonight; somehow, Artemis was going to find out who it was that he was paired up with and what they were all about before he met them. Artemis smirked as he got up to leave.

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**Poor Tom. That boy's life really sucks sometimes.**


	3. Poor Unfortunate Soul

Disclaimer: Did you write this chapter? Yarp. Did you edit it? Yarp. Are the characters all yours? ...Narp? Do you want to get sued? NARP!!

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Tom had the worst migraine ever in the history of the world. He was seriously thinking of drowning it out in huge dose of Tylenol, but was afraid he'd go topsy-turvy all over the carpet.

Dragging his feet and hoping his body would follow, he swooned into the kitchen. Sifting through the cupboard he ended up cringing at the sound of a bottle rattling from behind. His clouded eyes hadn't been able to spot Artemis sitting with his leg crossed at the coffee table. Tom clung to the counter, praying his god to be merciful and to grant him safe passage. He had a bad feeling about where this was going and really didn't want to stay long.

Good evening Mr. Mano." Tom shivered. "We have something to discuss. Please, come and sit."

"You're smiling, Artemis, and holding that bottle against me." There was no need to beat about the bush. "What do you want?"

"Just a token really, a trifle." Folding his hands over the bottle Artemis continued to the point. "I've become interesting in you…band. Who exactly are the members, again?"

Tom's eyes lightened up slightly and he gingerly padded over to the other chair. "Alright, who do you want to know about first? There's Eric, Tim, Steffen, and I."

Un-capping the lid and tapping a pill into his hand, Artemis reached across the table and slipped it into Tom's open palm. "Eric."

"He's a jerk. On occasions he can be sweet, but most the time he's more of a joker. If he had a brain he'd be dangerous." Tom sipped on the glass of water that was placed before him. As Tom continued on, Artemis took more and more mental notes on each boy to see if any showed a reason to be hanging out on Po's number one list. Tom went over the basics for about thirty minutes, asking if that was all that Artemis needed from him and he was off to sleep.

Artemis narrowed in on the private files of the schools administrative computer and hacked into the record to see if they had Po. He was able to dispose of one of the boys as a choice. He wanted to kick another chance out, but his gut feeling told him not to. Folding his fingers out in front of him, he printed out each of the files and closed the documents and eliminated the evidence of his hacking.

Shoving the files into his bag he was able to call it a night. He grinned in realization. Today was Friday; next week would be the finals and the end of the yeah assembly. He and the other students would be sent back home and many would have tales to tell their patents.

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**BUm BUm. The plot thickens. Well, I hope it does. We need to see some action Jackson. Ignoring the fact I really loath that man.**


	4. Whats This?

Disclaimer: Not mine, sad day TT.

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Classes had been cut short for the 'end of the year' assembly. Most students (including himself) were going to try and skip it. Really, pep assemblies were a waste of time and he had better things to do. He was working on his timing so he could slip from class using the excuse of needed to get his book from his room. The teacher would most likely let him, wishing that she too, could run away and escape.

Raising his hand into the air he asked if he could leave. Nodding, the teacher obliged and let him take the pass. He planned well and left three minutes before the rush to the lecture hall (also the theatre) commenced. Unfortunately the dean of admissions had been anticipating a student's escape; Artemis had expected this move and kept his cool. He continued to walk steadily towards his room, not afraid of the big bad man. But, as fate would have it, the boy had no chance to whip out his pass and say he was on his way to get his books before disaster struck.

Out of nowhere another boy crashed into him, sending both of them flying a crossed the tile floors and crashing into the lockers. Artemis's breath was knocked out. As soon as he had regained his breath the dean was upon them. Feeling something slip in and out of his pocket he soon realized his pass had been stolen. Reaching out for the thief he was only able to catch a glimpse of the pin-striped leggings around a corner. Fuming, Artemis was furious as the dean personally escorted him to the lecture hall. Ten paces from the lecture hall the doors burst open and students went tumbling into the place of dreary boredom, and Artemis was moving right along with them. Biting his tongue and settling down amongst a few people he had met, he waited for the assembly to start.

Lights dimmed and the silence sunk in while the band and orchestra settled down. A youth made his way on to the stage. He spoke in a clear voice to the audience, without the assistance of a microphone. Artemis identified it to be Tim Finnegan. The boy was lean and slim, red curly hair and deep emerald eyes. Or so was the rumor, Artemis himself hadn't looked in the yearbook his mother ordered to care.

"I'm sorry to inform you, but due to technical difficulty we will be post-" he was cut off by the light switch being slammed into the off position. A few cat calls were given out and a few slight gasped let. Suddenly the whispering pages of music were opened. A hush-hush fell over the crowd once more.

A harp started to play and a xylophone accompanied by a keyboard started up. Soon the whole orchestra and band were playing. Students whooped and hollered because they were starting to recognize the jingle. A single light fell upon a man in a pin-striped suit, his face looking at the ground, and leaning on a cane. His voice, however, was not muffled by his posture.

"What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere, What's this?" he was up spinning around while the lights changed different colors, "There's white things in the air! What's this? I can't believe my eyes, I must be dreaming! Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair...What's this?"

By now the boy had skidded a crossed the stage into the orchestra pit and was playing with one of the violinist's hair because in the lighting it looked white. Dashing away towards the dean and grasped the older man by his chin and tapped his cheek.

"What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong" He was now being led away by two fourth years but he quickly wriggled out. His peers were beaming with pride. "What's this? There's people singing songs. What's this? The streets are lined with little creatures laughing. Everybody seems so happy! Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this? What's this?"

He was twirling around and over chairs into the crowds where he was respectably passed from year to year, but soon he had to dodge away from the teachers; this concert was not planned and you could see it on their faces.

Blonde was throwing band book at another boy who returned fire with just as much 'umph'. "There's children throwing snowballs, instead of throwing heads! They're busy building toys and absolutely no one's dead! There's frost on every window! Oh, I can't believe my eyes and in my bones I feel the warmth that's coming from inside!"

"Oh, look, What's this? They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss? Why that looks so unique, inspired! They're gathering around to hear a story, roasting chestnuts on a fire! What's this?" he beamed, pushing two of the captains together as he darted off to the stoner section and stealing one of their lighters, tried to roast one of the band books. Though, the owner of that book was not pleased and preceded to throw another book at the rapscallion, who barely had time to duck. Artemis found it strange, the book was right in his left line of sight.

"What's this? In here they've got a little tree, how queer! And who would ever think, and why? They're covering it with tiny little things! They've got electric lights on strings, and there's a smile on everyone!" he was now hanging shining lights on Eric, who was not amused. "So, now, correct me if I'm wrong. This looks like fun! This looks like fun! Oh, could it be I got my wish? What's this?"

He sighed and rested on the small Toshio and snuggled him while trying to tuck the smaller boy into bed, "Oh my, what now? The children are asleep, But look, there's nothing underneath! No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them or ensnare them, only little cozy things secure inside their dreamland..." but quickly yelled in his ear, "What's this?"

"The monsters are all missing, and the nightmares can't be found, and in their place there seems to be good feeling all around!" A huge wall of paper with a red 'X' fell over the teachers. "Instead of screams, I swear I can hear music in the air. The smell of cakes and pies are absolutely everywhere!"

"The sights, the sounds! They're everywhere and all around! I've never felt so good before! This empty place inside of me is filling up, I simply cannot get enough!" Now, as the dean had freed himself from the entanglement of paper, he chased after the boy, who in turn, started to dance with him. Clutching his chest he sank to his knees. "I want it, oh, I want it! Oh, I want it for my own! I've got to know, I've got to know! What is this place that I have found? What is this?"

There was a silence, the music had stopped, and one light was on the him (the dean had gotten to dizzy and was now wobbling around back stage). The boy glared at everyone. "An end of the year assembly?" Wobbling on unsteady legs he stood again. "Fuck this" and he collapsed through the floor. Artemis was right to suspect they would use this exit and had a feeling that someone was waiting for him below. His 'peers' were standing in ovation, clapping and cheering, while the dean took over the mic from Alex.

"EVERYONE SIT DOWN!" there was an awkward silence as the students quickly sat down and waited for further instructions. The dean then thrust the mic back into Alex's hands and glared at him and stormed off stage to hunt down the rebel. Artemis felt someone bump the back of his chair but decided to ignore what had happened.

"I see you didn't let Tom die." The boy coughed as he lent back in his chair.

"If you wish to be un-noticed then I suggest you avoid bringing unwanted attention to yourself." Artemis replied, he watched as Alex apologized for the interruption. Everyone knew he was trying not to laugh. Artemis paid no further attention to what was happening behind him: he'd socialized enough.

"I'm sure we're all ready for finals" Alex's speech dragged on for about 10 more minutes, until he was interrupted with the nominations that were brought to him.

Artemis tuned in and out of the announcements, only picking up on the conversation when Tom's last name was mispronounced and everyone and their mothers corrected the speaker. He didn't even bother to watch the games, instead he looked pasted everything.

Nothing much happened and apparently the dean was still searching for the 'punk' that disrupted the assembly and the teachers were still fuming over in their corner. The crowd really hadn't settled down ever since the opening act and since that moment they were becoming more and more restless. Artemis waited for the closing ceremonies to commence.

Finally they were able to exit. Artemis made a bee-line for the nearest door and was able to escape off into the summer night: ignoring the fact that it was still the afternoon. He was able to make it out before the build up. His pace quickened, '_why couldn't they just go in a line, it would be quicker. Of course not. They couldn't figure that out. They have to be like sheep and not think separately._' Artemis fell deep into thought as he walked; he hadn't yet devised a proper plan to get rid of his 'friend'. He sighed and unlocked his dorm door and dropped his bag on the counter. He would be very relieved when the school year was over, and he was able to be at home.

He was about to get up and pull out his lap top, when Tom burst in, slammed the door shut, locked it and was trying to block the entrance with his small body. Tom was huffing n' puffing and his cheeks were all red. He looked like a deer who had just been caught in someone's headlights.

"They. Are. Crazy." he breathed, bracing himself against the door. Artemis raised his brow from the kitchen. "They're trying to get me expelled. They want to go out on the town!"

"You don't have to go with them." Artemis pointed out, rolling his eyes at the drama. "Besides, you've locked them out, I'm sure the locks will hold."

How about that timing? Time himself must have been ecstatic when Artemis heard the lock clicked and pounding at the door ceased to be. Tom's eyes went even wider (Artemis was sure if they went any wider Tom's sockets wouldn't be able to hold them) and his heart beat faster.

"If I have to go I'm dragging you with me Fowl." Tom snapped, pushing back on the door.

Voices chimed from the other side. "Come on Tom! It will be fun!"

Tom pushed back just as hard. "NO!" Artemis was slightly surprised by the strength the small boy had.

"You can't make me go." Artemis tossed a glance towards Tom, but the boy was too preoccupied to face him.

"I swear I'll tell the whole school you sing 'One Day My Prince Will Come' in your sleep." Tom's voice showed no lack of commitment and Artemis rubbed his temples. That was hitting below the belt.

"I don't even know that song." Tom glared. Somehow Artemis' stomach sank and he knew he was loosing the battle. "If they don't get in?"

"We don't go. It's all or nothing." Artemis removed himself from his chair, grabbed it, and pushed the back under the doorknob. Once again the pounding and frontal assaults subsided.

Eric was now leaning against the door and was trying to sweet talk Tom. "Tom! You're not being fair about it! You, Steffen, and I are officers! This will be our last night on the town before we're bombarded with responsibilities!" Artemis almost passed a snide remark, but it was killed on the tip of his lips by a sudden burst of energy.

Somehow the boys on the other side had busted the door open. They managed to break the chair and fly into the room with out further delay. Tom screamed and Artemis was thrown at the kitchen table while Eric stumbled on top of Tom and Tim just tumbled onto the floor laughing.

Tim snickered as he rolled around on the ground. "We need to do this more often!" Artemis had made a quick recovery and was on his feet in a matter of seconds, and was quiet irritated by the fact that had people in his room.

"Tim, shut the fuck up and get up. I'm sure they don't want Tim spit everywhere." Yet another boy walked in, Artemis rolled his eyes, this boy and he were running into each other quiet often, and it was starting to annoy Artemis. "Eric stop trying to rape Tom on his floor, you're going to emotionally scar Fowl."

"Steffen you're just jealous." That was all that Eric was able to mumble because he was too occupied with holding Tom down.

"Of what?" Steffen asked as he stepped into the front room and shut the bashed and bruised door behind him. "All I see are the village idiots gathering for idiots anonymous meeting."

"You're so cold Steffen, how the hell did you become public relations?" Eric scooped Tom into his arms and hugged him to his chest. Tom squirmed and protested, but it led to no avail.

"You won! I give up! We'll go!" Tom cried, fuming. Everyone was a little startled.

Eric turned Tom to face him. "We? Who is we?" Tom glared and shook his head.

"Artemis is coming with us."

"Cool, Cool." Eric nodded as he picked himself and Tom off the floor. "We'll be here to pick you up at 8:30." With that he set Tom down on the couch gently and smiled.

Tom was all but 'ok' with how he was being handled. "Get out of our room! You've already caused enough ruckus!" He shot out of the couch and made continual sweeping motions with his arms as if to shoo them all out. They laughed as they left, Eric was left in the back to try and calm the other boy down, but it wasn't happening. When Tom came back in he began to clean the mess that had been made.

"Well, looks like we're out for tonight." Artemis was not at all happy about what was going on. His plans for that night were destroyed (and he really couldn't do anything about it). He was out numbered, overpowered, and blackmailed into going. He wasn't about to create a big deal over it though, if someone ever said anything about him not being a 'normal' teenager, he'd have this little outing to prove them wrong. Not that he needed to prove anything to anyone.

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**I love Danny Elfman! He makes such a perfect Jack! He's the only reason I got kingdom Hearts.**


	5. Finnegan's Wake

Disclaimer: A lot of this isn't mine. Tear. When I say isn't mine, I mean that Artemis and his Colfer homies aren't. Everything they say (except the lyrics they say) are mine.

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Wait ten seconds...PAIN! Groans, moans, and all the fun that is usually received after a 'night on the town'. Artemis could barely open his eyes and he couldn't remember when he had been so drunk. That being said, he was sure he had never been drunk before. Rolling over on his side he drifted back to the where this pain had been caused. So, entering his mind's flash back, he was able to see the damage done the night before. Starting at 8:45.

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Tom had been waiting patiently for the other boys to arrive, reading silently and glancing at the clock every hour. Artemis kept his normal appearance, not bothering to care when they arrived. 

The knocker sounded right when Tom had glanced for the fifth time at the clock. He was up in a jiffy (almost taking out Artemis in his hurry) to open the door. As soon as the door was open, Tom gave them a piece of his mind. Artemis could catch but a little, for Tom was speaking a mash of English, French, and German. The looks on the assaulted's faces was good enough proof that Tom had nothing nice to say. Eric took the initiatives to silence Tom by kissing him. No one batted an eye. It was a well known fact that those two were a 'thing'.

"So when is the wedding and are we invited?" Tim swiveled a chair in front of him so he could sit. Tom had entered crimson and Eric was smug.

Eric patted Tom on the shoulder. "Looks like we're moving to Massachusetts!"

"I'm not moving anywhere thank you." Tom snapped, slipping his wallet into his pocket and sending Eric a death glare.

"Come on, let's get this party started. The teachers aren't on watch till nine, we've go a good 15 minutes to get the fuck out of here and there." Steffen was still out in the hall, waiting for the others to move out as well.

Eric shook his head and ducked out of the room. "Come on Fowl, after a few you just might loosen up." Sliding out of his chair Tim was able to ruffle Artemis' hair.

Artemis narrowed his eyes but gracefully slid from his chair and was trailed by Tom who, turned the music on and left the bathroom light on. After which he locked the place up.

It wasn't hard sneaking out of the dorms or the school. Half the guards had given up trying to catch the students, and the rest were playing cards. All they had to do was set up a decoy and the guards would go to see what the commotion was.

Here was the plan.

Send Tom in with his little childish looks and innocence, then, have Tim start smashing up one of the random trash bins. Tom would report this as a student trying to beat the crap out of some other student (Eric would be screaming in the background). All the attention would be drawn to the boys and the others would sneak out.

Now, you may think that the students that were near the scene of the crime would rat their asses out. But that is not how the hierarchy goes. Everyone was set against authority and that was THE unspoken rule of the school. No matter what the crime (exceptions were rape, murder or sexual harassment) no boy would tattle on his fellow schoolmates. The teachers hated it with a passion (but the newer ones admired it).

With everyone in their positions, the action commenced. Tom, his shirt half tucked and his tie loose ran over to one of the security guards, grabbing them by the arm.

"Sir! The students! They're fighting" he huffed, pointing to the social studies hall. Cue the bashing and screaming of, "I'm going to kill you" and throw in a few swears. The security guard patted Tom on the back, called back up, and ran toward Tim and Eric, allowing for Tom, Steffen, and Artemis to slip away from the scene. Tim and Eric had already slipped passed the security and were slipping through the west gate.

"Eric and the rest will meet us at Kavanagh's, so we should start moving." Tom whispered, slipping past the wire and into the street. Artemis raised his brow, not taking a car? Walking all the way to town?

"Fuck." Steffen skidded to the side.

"I'm getting the idea that's your standard response to everything." Artemis stated, walking behind Tom. Tom spun around, Artemis's first response was to brace for a punch, but instead he was dragged into a ditch. Sure enough, the guards had caught on and sent a retriever squad after them. The black Mercedes pulled along the curb, and a flash light swept over the ditch.

Someone's hand was over his mouth. Like he'd scream, please, Artemis rolled his eyes. But, he wished someone would stop his heart from beating so hard. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, it was a great experience, the something he'd been searching. The hand had slipped back, someone was whispering in his ear.

"No. It's a warning." With that the other boy started walking towards town. Artemis was miffed, but no sarcasm was running with the adrenaline, and Tom was pushing him forward.

"Won't Aidan pick us up Steffen?" he asked, walking next to Artemis. Steffen nodded.

They walked in silence for about another 10 yards, until they heard another car twiddling behind them. This caused several things to happen at once. Steffen turned to see who it was, and Tom pulled Artemis down in the ditch, allowing Steffen to stumble over both of them, a jumble of swears and body parts ensued. The car pulled off to the side and honked.

"God damn it, Tom! Get your hand off my crotch."

"Sorry! Artemis watch you head."

"This was a stupid idea."

"Shut up before I stab you."

"Was that a threat?"

"You two please, OW, my fingers."

"I apologize, Tom."

"Damn it Fowl, I need those fingers."

"I dare not ask what for."

"You two! And I play guitar!"

"You guys...do you want to walk?"

By this time Steffen had rolled off the other two and was on his feet, Tom was pulling Artemis up and a man was standing before them. He was dressed in raggedy jeans with a gray sweat-shirt on. Artemis was not having fun; he was getting dragged through hell and high water.

"No Aidan! Please, we're sorry! I thought you were the Gestapo!" Tom replied, stumbling to the crest of the ditch. Artemis ambled after him.

The man, Aidan, seemed startled but laughed off the comment. "Don't worry Tom, I was just kidding." He bent down to help each of them out of the ditch. "Where are we meeting the others?"

"Kavanagh's" Steffen mumbled, ducking into the front seat, Tom skidded to the opposite side and Artemis hunkered down next to Tom, behind Aidan. "You realize everyone knows who's car this is right?"

"Steffen, your family has so many cars it took me half an hour to find the car that went with the keys." Aidan replied, sliding the stick into first and peeling out of the gravel. Tom clung to the sides and Aidan noticed, "Be happy his father is not driving."

"You father would let you skip school?" Artemis asked casually, not that he was surprised. If his parents found out they would probably be pleased because their son acting normal.

"Pshhh, the old man wouldn't know what skipping was if it smacked him on the ass." Steffen replied, laying his feet on the dash, Aidan smacking the one closest to him, and they were set down.

"I thought it was 'in the head'?" Tom questioned as he glanced out the window.

Steffen rummaged through the dash box. "Hey, if you want to stare at him that long, go ahead. I just pretend their interchangeable." Artemis has tuned out of the conversation, only paying attention to the landscape. More and more houses started to pop up, he figured they were close to town. His heart had calmed down considerably and he was contemplating how he was going to work this whole 'friend' thing out. He had the idea that both of them would actually have to meet at each other's houses, and that they would have to do stuff and it was going to be boring. Quiet suddenly the car stopped, sending him almost into the seat in front of him.

"MOTHER FUCKER GET OFF MY CAR!" Steffen had popped out and started yelling at another boy, who only smiled back. Artemis thought of just slipping out of the car, but the door had been opened on the other side.

"The guys aren't that bad. You'll get used to them." It was Aidan; he was holding the door open and smiling. Artemis narrowed his eyes; he was not staying long. Nodding his head to be polite he was able to get out of the car.

Through all the bustle and hustle Artemis felt himself being pushed into a giant pub (one that was accustomed to a lot of people). The thick oak beams suggested multiple stories and the air was full of smoke. He could feel the second hand smoke killing his lungs and clogging his air ways as he was directed to the back table. Sitting there grinning were most of the captains and a few others. He was then seated next to Toshio and Tim.

"Word up gentlemen." Eric tipped his glass to the newly seated. Artemis was not impressed.

"So you sneak us out to the nearest pub, believing that security will think that you needed to get away so you would not be found. Sticking close to the 'closer we are to danger the father we are from harm' principle, you've eluded them." Artemis replied, the waitress had arrived and was now taking all the boys orders, most were ordering peppermint and strawberry snoops, Artemis ordered a Tom Collins.

"It works doesn't it?" Tim chortled, passing out chips that had been served up.

"Except when Sean O'Connell got his ass caught." Interjected Toshio, grabbing a hand full of napkins and dispersing them out to everyone. Artemis was finding it hard to put his two cents in.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Well he's a fucking freshman. They're just dumb."

Eric smiled kindly to the waitress and helped her with their drinks. "Hey, guess who's a freshmen next year, smart ass."

"Who's up for 'I've never?" Tom sidetracked the conversation. Simultaneously all boys said aye: except Artemis. Tom was eyeing him from a crossed the table and nodded. Artemis smiled and took a sip then raised his glass to the challenge. The faster they went through the games, the faster this shenanigan would be over with. "Well start with Toshio!"

"Alright! I've never...I've never slammed a French door on my father and shattered it as well as his arm." He chimed, smiling pleasantly. Artemis noticed Steffen smile as he raised his glass and drank. Next went Alex.

"I've never been sent to America and set on my aunt's door step JUST to say my name." Alex replied, raising his glass to Toshio, who took a swig.

After him was Eric who rolled his eyes. "I've never been sent to the principles office for something 'bad'" he snickered, snuggling close to Tom, who in returned blushed. Everyone took a swig on that (even Artemis had his run in), Tom taking a small sip.

"I've never won an athletic medal." Tom smiled, setting his glass down and beaming at Eric, who grumbled and took a drink, along with everyone but Toshio and Artemis.

"I've never had a relationship last longer than 3 weeks." Steffen put in, scribbling on a napkin. Everyone took a sip except the Artemis and Steffen.

"I've never had a tardy slip." Tim chuckled, leaning against the dashboard. Artemis sighed, he's gotten a few, and it looked like everyone else did as well. Now it was up to him, what could he get them all with?

Everyone just looked at him. "I've never held hands." He spoke clearly.

"You're shitting me." Tim said, turning to look at the young Fowl.

"I can assure you I am not 'shitting' you." Artemis answered, looking right back at him, still quite on top of it.

"God damn." They were all shocked; it took them a moment to grasp the situation at hand. Finally, Alex took a drink of his brandy, the other soon followed his lead, and the challenges went on for about another hour.

It was down to the last three: Artemis, Tim, and Steffen. Artemis was close to finishing, Tim looked like he was about to pass out, and Steffen had started to slur. Tom was in the bathroom puking and Eric was there to pat him on the back. Toshio had fallen asleep, and Alex was keeping tabs, dropping out to make sure someone could at least call a cab.

Soon Artemis was done. He didn't want to die due to alcohol poisoning, though, he did find some sick humor in it. What the headlines would say and how his parent would react, he smiled at the thought. Not long after that Steffen had dropped out and Tim had gained championship, Alex was out the door getting the cab.

Artemis, as we've come to find out, is actually a happy drunk. He found himself laughing at the stupidest things and actually having a good time. Tim had grabbed him by the shoulder and the two had swaggered out of the bar, but not before Tim ditched him and went to try and sing 'Finnegan's Wake' with Steffen. Both boys sucked entirely, but the rest of the somewhat drunken population enjoyed it. The cab arrived as Tom and Eric appeared out from the bathrooms with a plastic bag, Artemis and Alex found this amusing to no end and snickered every time Tom went for it on the ride home.

* * *

After that his memories became more blurred and fuzzy. The last thing he remember was someone asking him, "Wasn't it the truth I told you? Lots of fun!" After that he must have blacked out in his room because he found himself still in his cloths from last night and he was asleep in his bed.

Groaning once more Artemis tumbled out of his bed and stumbled into the kitchen to rummage around for the aspirin. He heard a slight rattle and instinctively he narrowed his eyes.

Turning to say something sarcastic he was smacked in the nose with the bottle. A smooth line of searing in-sued and he knew someone was laughing at him.

"Nice catch."

"..."

Artemis resisted chucking the bottle at his attacker by reminding himself he was the better person and was walking away from the situation was the best answer. But he gave a fearsome glare (through the pain) and there was once again silence. Slowly but surely the other boys were waking up, taking the bottle with him he was able to toss it into Tom's room. He ended up doing a double take only to see Tom curled up next to Eric, whose shirt had been displaced.

Artemis grumbled, tossed the pills and stumbled back into bed, not wanting to be there when the house woke up and all hell broke loose. His eyes closed and he was soon drifting in and out dreamland.

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**I would like to point out that I do _not_ think the Irish are drunks. Kids will be kids, always getting into trouble and breaking the rules. That is what this is chapter is about.**


	6. Meet Me In the Red Room

Disclaimer: blah blah not mine blah blah

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It was hard to keep his head from hitting the desk, he'd already finished his essay and everything: he wanted out. The prompt was nothing hard; any one could have done it. He grinned, checking his spelling for the nth time.

_How does Oedipus the King show the key elements in a detective story? Make sure to give specific details, and label people with the titles: detective, witness, and prosecutor. _

From where he was sitting he could tell that one third of the class didn't read the book, one third didn't know that Oedipus Rex was actually Oedipus the King, and the other third had (like him) finished and were now studying for other final exams.

After the drinking expedition, he had found that most of those boys were his classes. However, he really hadn't wanted to see them again. So, using his well developed ignore button, he continued the rest of the week looking through them. School was almost over and he had no intentions of spending it in ISS.

Not to mention his next period the suspense on his new, 'friend' would be ended. He had a 50/50 chance in guessing the right person, and he hoped beyond all belief that for this one moment in time that he was wrong.

Glancing at the clock he was able to see that there was 15 minutes left of class, and everyone was fed up with the testing, therefore, it was deemed test time over. So, most of the class started to chatter about their next test or the up and coming summer vacation. Artemis was the only one who was sitting aloof from everyone else, well, everyone except the looser in the corner. You know the type, the nerd that is into whatever book he has and never looks up. The one that has the huge owl glasses. The nerd lifted his glasses and rubbed at his right. They made eye contact and the boy stuck his tounge out. Artemis glared: Steffen. They had met nights before, who would have thought he was a closet nerd.

The last ten minutes had flown by. Everyone was now packing up for their next class and final. Artemis begrudgingly slipped from his desk as the bell rang and strode off to his next class.

It didn't take very long for a student to get from the language hall to the counseling center. That's why Artemis timed each step he took and the busy bodies yelled at him to walk quicker as he slowly strode along the halls. He'd developed a plan of attack. Defense was the best offence.

Nodding to the secretary as he slipped in, it was no surprise to Artemis that the other boy had yet to show up. Dr. Po motioned to one of the seats a crossed from him and Artemis took it.

Artemis leaned back in his chair, eyeing the man in front of him. "It seems the other student does not approve of this arrangement and I am loosing interest Dr. Po." Po stared evenly, but the contest was interrupted by the slamming of the office door. Artemis did not turn to see who entered, but heard the voice and it did more then register a red flag.

"Ah hell no, what did I do to deserve that! I'm not doing this." The boy tilted his head to the side and slammed his palm out flat, demanding that Po take Artemis back from wince he came.

Artemis crossed his legs gracefully. "Normally, when you meet someone you introduce yourself, such as, 'Hi, I'm Artemis Fowl the Second'."

"Yes well, I'm Steffen walkingawayfromthiscrap. Good day." Now was the time for Po to interfere as Steffen made his way toward his door.

"And how about those teaching requirements?" That was interesting.

Grasping the door handle with his left hand and clutching his heart with the right, Steffen made his dramatic way out the door. "Because I couldn't get a second opinion."

"Mr. Fitzpatrick you walk out that door and I will have no qualms about telling tell the dean who pulled that little stunt." Po folded his hands and smirked. Steffen ran his fingers around the door knob and bounced on the balls of his feet. "I'm sure Tom and Eric would love to be expelled out of the school for bad behavior."

"Show me cold hard cash and I will turn on my affection." Shutting the door quietly, the blond slinked into another chair.

Po laid out the ground rules. "Now, you both understand that you will be required to meet each other's families and spend at least one day each week at the other's house. You can switch off when ever you want. And a Guardian must be there to sign off that it happened." This speech left no loop hole nor a snag to slip through. Artemis's only hope was that he was either sick the whole vacation or his parents saw the folly in their plan. "As well as a written assignment about what you two dad and how you precieve each other."

As always, there was that nice, long, pause in the conversation. Artemis took a sip of his earl grey, and folded his hands. Though, before he could conduct the conversation in his favor, Steffen had ended up taking lead.

"Ok other than finals, how has your day been going?" Steffen asked, swinging around in the swivel chair.

"Fairly well, I'm quiet thrilled to be able to leave this place."

"Aren't we all? You know what? No one would ever think you're a happy drunk." Random, Artemis had wondered if that would pop up. He was ready with a response but the boy kept on going, "It was an entertaining experiment...though...Eric did loose quiet a bit of money." Steffen continued to be occupied with the chair he was squirming in.

There was silence.

Steffen finally rested in the chair and faced Artemis. His chin was resting on the knuckles of his left hand, glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose. This was Atemis' moment to seize the conversation and keep it in his favor.

"You seemed to have given up when he threatened expulsion for Eric and Tom." Artemis pointed out, just to see where the conversation would go.

"He caught me on my way out. But yes, other wise I would have sauntered out of this pop sickle stand, grabbed my stuff, and caught the next plane home. For Aidan is unreliable as you saw, 20 minutes late, what the hell?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Denial is the first step to recovery."

"Recovery from your insufficient source of information?"

"What ever floats your boat."

"You two, this isn't an interrogation meeting." Po interrupted, and scratched something down once more.

Steffen smiled wittily and began to gather his things. "It has to happen sometime, better sooner than latter."

"I'm sure first impressions mean something to you." Po replied, looking over his glasses at both of the boys.

Steffen stopped short of the door with his bag half way over his shoulder. "He's in my fucking Chemistry and Language class. I think first impressions have already taken place."

"Dr. Po, aren't you supposed to not 'be' here?" The great debate was shut down, and it would be cliché to say that Dr. Po was saved by the bell.

Chaos was everywhere, students were running and screaming, throwing paper airplanes, and crying. School was over, and he was finally heading home.

* * *

**Yes Yes, very short. I know. But there was a lot I didn't want in it. Mwaha.**


	7. Bohemian Rhapsody

Disclaimer: I don't own, so it would be nice if you didn't sue? I know there are no proper citations, but it would give away the story if I did cite it all!

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As Artemis made his way inside the airport he caught sight (surprisingly) of his mother first. She had gathered a slight tan from her expedition and was looking quiet refreshed. She was standing next to his father who was also looking much healthier. Artemis casually strode over to his family with Butler by his side. Artemis Sr. caught sight of his son first and pointed them out to Angeline, who beamed at him as they came near. Swooping down upon Artemis, Angeline was cuddling and yes, snuggling her son in the middle of airport traffic while her beloved husband chuckled slightly at the scene.

Saying that Artemis was slightly ruffled by the this was am understatement. His hair was now feathered out and his suit was disheveled. This led many people to think that he had been roughed up by security after he had stumbled out of bed.

Butler watch over the Fowls as they made their way through the airport. Angeline never left his father's side, watching her husband struggle along he halls. Artemis Senior kept a determined attitude through all of it. He explained to his son that he was doing much better and in no time he would be running a few marathons. Artemis smiled and nodded a long, his father's enthusiasm was slowly seeping into himself. His father then allowed the conversation to be consumed by Angeline, who was more than eager to tell Artemis about all their adventures.

"Lucki-" her sentence was lost as so was her balance. Almost tumbling over the young child who ran straight into her, Angeline was only able to keep her equilibrium by hopping slightly to the right. Both females looked at each other with wide eyes.

"I'm so sorry ma'am." The young girl bobbed her head in a slight bow. Her black curls made the slinkies on television look stiff as she made the motion.

A man in his late forties placed a hand on her shoulders and gave the Fowl and Butler family a kind look. "I apologize as well for my daughter's missteps." He had a very distinct way of talking, Artemis found, every word was annunciated and spoken clearly. However, he was American while his daughter was native. "Are you alright, Ma'am?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I hope I didn't startle her." Angeline seemed tentative to talk to the young girl. "I thought your children would have been older, Mr. Fitzpatrick."

Of course. It only made sense that his parents would have met the other parents. Artemis studied the other man and wondered how he could have missed it. Same frame, eyes, and hair color if you added a pair of glasses you would have an adult Steffen.

"She's the youngest, Mrs. Fowl. Steffen is the middle child." Mr. Fitzpatrick smiled while Artemis continued to store bits and pieces of information in his head. "Though, perhaps we should move to the lobby?"

Li ana was sitting next to her father who was sitting a crossed from Artemis' father. Artemis sat to the left of his father while Angeline sat to right. Butler stood behind them and kept watch. Artemis was a bit displeased with having to meet in a neutral setting. If they had met for the first time at his house, he would have had a better chance in swaying his parents to another option.

Mr. Fitzpatrick crossed his long legs and propped his chin on top of his knuckles. "I apologize again for Li ana. We're still working on the walking stages of life."

"It's alright. If she hadn't, we wouldn't have met." Angeline smiled kindly at Li ana, who beamed back at her. "Oh! Hello Li ana, I'm Angeline Fowl, and this is my son, Artemis Fowl the second."

"Steffen told us that you might be coming to visit. He made you sound a lot more frightening than you seem." Artemis raised a brow and Mr. Fitzpatrick frowned. "But he usually tries to freak us out."

"Charming."

Angeline stopped the conversation before it went down a path of no return. "Is Steffen with you?"

Checking his watch, Mr. Fitzpatrick sighed and begun to say something. But, something cut him off as it fell into his lap. "PAPA!! OHOHOHOHOOOOO! DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY! IF I'M NOT BACK THIS TIME TOMORROW, CARRY ON! CARRY ON!"

Setting his leg down, Mr. Fitzpatrick was able to send the youth to the ground. "This is god telling me I should have stopped having children."

"But then you wouldn't have had me daddy!" Li ana cried and clung to her father's arm while hiding her face in the crook of his arm.

Patting her head Mr. Fitzpatrick spoke in a light tone, "that's such a shame." And smiled as she popped her head up to show that he was kidding. Steffen continued to laugh as he used his father's knee to help him stand.

"Hello Steffen." Whipping around Steffen found himself in the graces of Artemis and his family. His eye darted from Artemis Jr. to Sr. and then to Mrs. Fowl up at Butler, then rested on Artemis.

"I thought I was done with you." Steffen stood up straight and shifted his weight onto his left leg as he watched Artemis.

Artemis examined his nails. "Yes I have been enjoying myself, Steffen. Your sister was just talking to me about how straight forward you are with your stories."

"So you've already gone over who's who. See John, I told you we could have just waited at the gates." A man looking about twenty was now standing behind the Fitzpatrick family. However, he was not focusing on what Steffen was saying, rather on some young children, who were crawling all over a form of art that clearly stated otherwise.

"You'll have to excuse him. He doesn't talk to people unless they're breaking the law." Mr. Fitzpatrick rolled his eyes as Steffen went on. "But when he does talk we wish he wouldn't."

Without giving so much as a heads up, John was able to squash Steffen with his reply, "We would have to say the same goes for you."

Before Steffen could argue the point Mr. Fitzpatrick issued his warning. "Enough you two. You can out-wit and out-play each other on the way home." The debate was settled and there was a moment of pause with the conversation.

"I must say, Steffen, you analytical dissertation on Thoreau's "Walden" was rather interesting." Artemis took it into his favor. "I was mostly surprised with your agreement with his principles."

"Simplicity is a rare thing now a days." Steffen finally took his seat next to his father and crossed his legs. "Although I must say a lot of the world, along with yourself, are missing the three most important concepts of all."

Artemis rested his chin on his knuckles and listened with slight interest. " And those would be, what? Love and charity? Or perhaps kindness?"

"None of those." His glasses slipped a little down his nose as if he were speaking to Artemis over them. "But they do be begin with H. All three of them."

"How convenient." Though, the conversation was shut down once again by Mr. Fitzpatrick's phone going off and he begun to fumble with the devise.

"Excuse me." And the phone continued to go off as he opened it to talk. Steffen leaned back in his seat and glared at his father.

"That's the ring tone for a text, old man." Mr. Fitzpatrick turned and gave him the thumbs up as he began to peck at the small numbers. "I guess, since I'm assuming Emil has just arrived, that we will cut this meeting brief. It was nice meeting you all."

Everyone raised and shook hands. Li ana smiled up at Butler before grasping his giant hand in her smaller one. "Nice to meet you." Artemis pictured a small heart after what she said. Butler nodded in response and watched as the other two gentlemen said their farewells and then both families went their separate ways.

* * *

**I have no idea what to say after this. If you are wondering about what Steffen sounds like when he sings. Think of Gerald Way and Karou's voices smashed together. **


	8. Spilled milk

Disclaimer: I like family values. I just don't own them.

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Artemis had not been able to escape his family (secretly enjoying the time) since his mother had set sight on him. The manor had changed with the interior as well as the demeanor of the place. It became less of a fort and more of a home. Somehow, that comforted Artemis.

The family (for Artemis had started to call them that) had started to eat together. First it was an awkward silence that was rarely even broken by his mother's conversation. Slowly, ever so slowly, his father had started to respond, trying to make jokes and to get his son to talk. Artemis had been resistant to the change (he saw that then and even now), using human nature as a card.

But he knew that he was too intelligent to use a card so low. Soon, the change had become routine, and the routine seemed right. He began to converse with his parents, finding out what all teens learn, that their parents have some strange and fantasy filled adventures of their own. Each person at the family's dinning room table had some sort of odd adventure that did not always have a moral to the story. More often then not, Artemis caught himself remembering how the laughter of his parents made him feel.

He twitched (something he had picked up from Tom) tonight was when both the families would be coming for dinner. His mother was ecstatic. Angeline Fowl was running around the house, dictating where what would be put up, and how it would be there. Luckily for Artemis and his father, they had learned at a very early stage to stay out of the way. This resulted in them hustling into their rooms. Artemis Senior hunkered into one of his new philosophy books, and Artemis junior at his computer.

Through the Mozart, Artemis was able to hear a clunking and a chugging of an engine. After closing all opened files, Artemis walked to the window and watched a silver McClain chug and plug through his driveway, and erch to a stop. His eyes watched the doors open and the occupants spill out.

From the front he was able to see Mr. Fitzpatrick and Steffen step out. As soon as his feet had touched the ground, Mr. Fitzpatrick was on his way around to the front of the car to open the back passenger door. Steffen then held his hand out for that some one. A very feminine hand took Steffen's and a high-heel clad foot was set onto the concrete. Seconds passed and a young woman with long dark curls and a blue dress slipped out from the car. As they moved away from the McClain and towards the front door, she seemed to float besides Mr. Fitzpatrick's long stride and Steffen's trudge.

Artemis moved away from the window and towards his door. Well, he decided, time to start the show. With that, he grabbed his freshly washed and pressed jacket, and began his slow descent down the hallowed staircase.

"Artemis old boy! There you are, come on son, let's welcome the guests." His father beamed, his business attire was dawned, but the features and movements of his body were more relaxed. 'At home' popped into Artemis' mind.

He heard Butler answer the door, his parents cluttering after Butler as he greeted the guests, who also exchanged welcomes. Artemis stood at the base of the stairs and watched the scene unfold.

Mr. Fitzpatrick led the young lady inside, and introduced her. "I'm sorry my wife could not attend. This is my eldest daughter, Temair. She will be taking my wife's place."

Temair curtsied and everyone was ushered into the den. As they moved through the halls, Temair seemed very interested in everything that Mrs. Fowl had to say. She smiled and chatted with Angeline, discussing how much they both adored each other's clothing and the likes. Artemis found it safe to say that both the women were smitten with each other, which was a good start.

He glanced casually to his father, who was talking up a storm with Mr. Fitzpatrick. It was as if they were old buddies from the college days. Artemis realized then, that possibly they could have been. He still wasn't convinced though. Call him a tough act, but this could be easily faked to get close to his estate, and he was still very possessive of his gold.

The whole time both the boys had been silent. Artemis in thought and Steffen seemed to be fuming. Sometimes, Artemis could not tell what the other boy was thinking. He could tell that Steffen wasn't in awe of anything; instead he seemed to be sleeping with his eyes open and his body moving.

Adjusting his glasses, Steffen asked the question. "Is there something on my face?" It wasn't harsh, but it knocked Artemis' concentration off its horse, and he was having a little difficulty settle back on top.

"Nothing at all." Forcing himself not to respond to quickly, Artemis was able to slid back into control of his mind in moments.

It wasn't long until everyone was settled in their seats within the parlor, or as his mother had started to call it: the living room. Both families were separate but faced the according representative and Butler was waiting in the eves for any needed thing. Since it was his house, Mr. Fowl was given the honor of diving into business and stood before his guests.

"I welcome you to our home. I hope you make yourselves comfortable. We also thank you for coming tonight, we are very grateful that you accepted our invitation at such a short notice." Artemis Senior announced. Artemis felt nothing but pride for his father at that moment. He had over come many obstacles and still kept his cheerful attitude. "But we do need to discuss the details."

This was the Artemis Senior that dear Arty had remembered so long ago but at the same time, he was not. His aloof aura was absent, but all the authority remained. His statements were not orders, nor suggestions; somewhere the roads had crossed and produced his father's new self.

Then came the introductions, however, these were not conducted in a circle. Each respected member went and the corresponding member of the opposite family went. Artemis suddenly felt as though he was in a group therapy of some sort but did not need to voice what he was thinking for Steffen did it for him.

"I feel like I'm in an AA meeting." That earned Steffen a stare from Mr. Fowl, while Mr. Fitzpatrick simply rubbed his temple. "I'm not a member though."

"Sounds like a guilty conscience."

"Takes one to know one." Artemis shot a glare at the boy, while Mr. Fowl politely interrupted the boys.

"Why don't you show Steffen around Arty?" the code for dismissal was issued, and politely followed out as Artemis briskly led Steffen down the corridor.

As they were a safe distance away from group of silent ears, Artemis slowed a little. Carefully he pointed out the bathrooms, guestrooms (when had they had guests), past his father's study and up the stairs. Steffen, though, saw something of great interest and almost gave Artemis the slip.

It was a simple statement, addressed very straightly to no one at all. "You have a music studio."

"Yes, I have multiple projects going on." Artemis watched Steffen for any sign of. Steffen picked his way through the room, looking at each instrument and the music notes, but showed no sign of pleasure or that of disapproval. Allowing him self a moment of rest, Artemis leaned against the doorframe, waiting for the other to get bored with it all and move onto the next room.

"So you can write and play..." a muffled sentenced barely reached Artemis's ears, but he heard it none-the-less. Artemis chose not to reply and let the comment slide off.

"It's a very lovely room. I'm sure you put it to good use. Don't do an excessive thing." Nodding his head Steffen was once again by Artemis's side and the tour was about to commence when Angeline Fowl called the boys to dinner. As they descended, not a word was spoken, but a comfortable silence fell between them.

Well, dinner started wonderfully. Temair was eagerly explaining to Mrs. Fowl what she had planed for her graduation project. She had decided that she would create a line of children's uniforms, ranging from special occasions, to just sports. Angeline was impressed and eager to see the models and drawings.

"What University are you planning on going to, Steffen?" Mrs. Fowl asked, as Temair finished up. Artemis noticed Mr. Fitzpatrick's head snapping up and his eyes narrowed. Steffen almost looked startled for a brief moment, until it was replaced by a devious smile.

"I really don't know. America does intrigue me so, and personally, I'm not a fan of the Ivy League." He replied, taking a small satisfying sip of his water, smiling earnestly at his father. Artemis caught onto the conflict quiet soon; apparently there was still a standing argument over where Steffen would be going, and even in front of an audience the war would be waged.

"It's still up for grabs though, we've been looking at schools all over." A graceful save of face, Mr. Fitzpatrick was indeed capable of seeing a trap laid in front of him.

"What about you Artemis?" Steffen commented, as if to not be a part of the conversation.

"Oxford, that's where my father went and that, is where I intend to attend as well." Artemis replied, setting his fish knife to the side. "A shame you don't like Ivy League Steffen, I'm sure you could have gone far there."

"Ah, you sound as though I've given up Fowl," Artemis was slowly tuned Steffen out and instead distracted himself with what his father was discussing with Mr. Fitzpatrick. Until even that conversation was interrupted as he was hit with something. "Hey, Fowl...you're clear for landing here on planet earth, mind taking the chance?"

"Did you just flick a pea at me?" Talk about the best come back for the ages. Artemis chided himself inwardly.

"Actually no. . .it was a carrot slice." Steffen then looked down at his plate. "Better than the potatoes I thought about."

"Thank you for your holding back on childish impulses."

"Any time E.T"

"You're vocabulary astounds me."

"You are indeed a regular Jim Dandy."

"Why I'm flat-" Ended to the conversation and silence shattered the bickering. Carefully aimed mashed potatoes were rocketed a crossed the table, right into Arty's eye, causing momentary blindness and impending rage. Both Parents took a hold of their children, apologizing for their behavior. Artemis though, stayed calm and simply wiped the mess off of him self and slipped out of Angeline's grip. Setting his napkin on the table he smiled to his mother and father.

"Please excuse me, but I have more mature matters to attend to, than having a play date with a child." With that, Artemis simply left the dinning room, and headed for his room. From behind him he barely could hear Steffen's shout. "ONLY A CHILD RUNS FROM ITS FEAR."

If Artemis had been in any other state, he'd probably turned his heel and have marched back in there and set Steffen straight. Though, Artemis was not in that state of mind. It was indeed the first time he'd been assaulted in his own house, right in front of Butler, and Butler had not interfered.

"Perhaps it will go better next time."

"I still can't get over the fact he did that." Mr. Fitzpatrick and Temair were standing right outside the door. Steffen yelled from the car, "So I spill the milk and smile and I yell him the truth!"

"Well, I think this is good for both of them." Butler announced and the adults turned from staring at Steffen. "I mean, both are head strong, it's good for Artemis to know Steffen won't take his attitude. And, I'm assuming here, that Steffen will learn patients."

"So, in their own messed up way, they are setting up limits. Testing each other." Temair turned to Butler, "I'm glad you are here Mr. Butler, you are very wise. I can see why you protect Artemis."

"Thank you miss" Butler was taken back, mostly by his own interference, but also by the fact he was complimented for it.

"Well. We best get home. Who knows what the rest of the kids are doing." Mr. Fitzpatrick shook Artemis Senior's hand.

"One more thing Mr. Fitzpatrick!" Called Angeline, "I have a question."

"Yes?" The man turned; smiling at her while Temair clung to his arm.

"This is a mother's worry...it's just...would...would Steffen ever physically hit Artemis." She asked, stepping closer and ducking her head as though it was a secret.

"Doubtful, highly. No, not unless he's cornered." Butler noticed he had to think about the answer, giving off the air that the boy was rather sporadic and un-predictable. Challenge number one. "He just talks tough."

"Thank you and I do hope this works out." She smiled, turning back into her house to stand by her husband's side. Mr. Fitzpatrick bowed and headed to the car, Temair at his side and Steffen glared out the window. The Fowls retired into their home, while Artemis watched from his window.

As before, the car lurched forward a few feet only to have Steffen step out and slam the door. His usual frown plastered on his face. Artemis instinctively glared and could have sworn the boy glared back at Artemis while he stormed to the driver's side. Steffen's father stumbled out of the driver's seat and was pushed to the passenger's side. Steffen then took his place, started the car and successfully drove it off the premises.

Artemis slumped against his closet door, trying to calm him self. Form what, he hadn't figured out, but some how that boy could press his buttons like no other. Steffen didn't even have to talk, it was almost his mere presence.

A knocked sounded at his door as Butler walked in with a raised a brow. Artemis couldn't help but think Butler was laughing at him. This thought nearly sent him tumbling into the abyss of a bad mood and luckily Butler caught the hint.

"Now I have seen everything." That statement right there was the most logical thing Butler could come up with at that moment. He would have never thought that mashed potatoes could be used for a weapon. Perhaps hiding a weapon, but they hardly had the consistency to be any sort of threat.

"And he was the best you could pick."

"No one ever said friendship was easy Artemis."

"I reached out, did I not? I used his first name every time I spoke to him." Artemis was speaking calmly and very precisely. "I say he very well rejected that open invitation."

Butler shrugged. "Perhaps he's given you a nickname."

"And threw his dinner in my face." That came out as a snide remark, more of one then he had meant. "I don't plan on becoming his friend either."

Butler shook his head and smiled. "It sounds as if you really did not offer your hand in friendship towards him, and he sensed it."

"Perhaps."

"Friends are good, Artemis. I see no sense in not having one your own age." The last bit was added on quiet hurriedly, as though Artemis might try and use the loop-hole as a way out. Artemis chuckled at this, Butler knew him well enough to know he could weasel his way out.

"Well then, Butler, what do you suggest?" and the conversation was a very long drawn out plan of action. Though, Butler kept a few of the kinks he saw in the dark, allowing each boy a chance to dodge the next outcome. It was time for Artemis to learn that not all people can be controlled and their actions cannot always be foreseen. For Butler, this would be one of the most amazing vacations the Fowl had seen since Artemis decided to tour Venice by himself when he was five.

* * *

**Ha ha! Steffen for the win! He's a problem. I don't know how Jared lives with him.**


	9. Think of Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Colfer's things. Sorry!

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From the looks of the house it was near the 19th century style, remodeled to fit a modern family's needs. It was not a house out of a fairy tale though. It was more American. With its pillars and large windows that had balconies just screamed Victorian. While the ancient oak trees and willows led to the front step next to the gravel road, the white house seem to be as if in a painting with its red out lines and the setting sun behind it.

Gracefully, Angeline Fowl rang the doorbell with a long manicured nail and waited. It seemed as if a stampede of Elephants were rushing down the hall and were about to crash against the door, but only the quiet and polite Temair pulled back the door. She smiled widely at the guests as a child peeked out from her dress and ran back into the house.

Standing back and pushing the door wider, she allowed from the Fowls and a Butler to enter the hallway. "Come on in! Do not worry about shoes. We no long bother with that." Soon, she had everyone's coats on hangers and in a closet and was ushering them down the vast hallway.

Spilling out into the master living room (for in this house there were bound to be many), Artemis could see onto the second and third floor as he settled down into a couch that sat parallel to that of the railing on those flights. Above him were two long skylights that seemed to catch the fire of the setting sun and burst out on to the multi-layers of the house. Complementing the effect was a small rectangular oak table and a few chairs. This table adorned tea, crackers, and cheeses from around the world. Mr. Fitzpatrick came from one of the adjourning hallways and smiled kindly to his guests.

"Go on sit down, Artemis if you would like to join the kids they are upstairs." Just a suggestion, did Artemis want to risk it? If he stayed he could conduct his will and his way, and if he left he would be a responsible adult and be out of the way for his parents to talk to another adult. Gracefully Artemis bowed his head and started off. Perhaps he could claim he'd gotten lost and never found the door. John stood before him as Artemis rounded the second floor.

"Hey," John leaned over the railing to shout at Mr. Fitzpatrick, "We might get a little louder; John and Steffy are fighting over the mike."

"That's fine Sean, no blood shed. Please try and entertain yourselves with Disney." Was the comment, and John (or was it Sean?) saluted his captain and started to march away but paused and re-traced his steps. Artemis sighed, he'd been spotted.

"Oh! Hello there! You're that boy Steffen and Li ana were fighting about. I can't remember your name." The man had the same emerald eyes as his brother and the same dark hair. Only difference is that this man was a little less masculine. "So, I guess we'll have introductions here. Hello, I'm Sean." Sean's head tilted to the side and he smiled at Artemis.

Artemis extended his hand. "I am Artemis Fowl the Second."

"Artemis! That was it, such a nice name" Artemis got ready for the comment and felt what most likely was a glove shake his hand. "Well, at least now I'll have a face to the name and it should stick! We'll let us go up stairs to where everyone else is."

Taking Artemis by the shoulders and marching off up another flight, Sean led the other boy to another section of the house. After a few turns (it was a wonder Artemis didn't push Sean's arm away) Artemis found himself entering a room that was painted black and white. These colors were not depressing, instead they were almost exihilerating. One wall was stripes, the other white with wisps of black and the opposite of that that was black with white wisps. The ceiling was all white while around the corners were small swirls of black. Black and white squares served as the carpet pattern and it. A large beat up leather couch was filled with people, who did not bother to turn to look at the new arrival.

The door was shut behind him as Sean spoke up. "Hey! Look what I found wandering the halls."

"And you left him intact, I'm impressed Sean." Artemis recognized John's deeper voice immediately.

Sean's hand left Artemis' shoulder and so did the comforting and warm feeling. "Thank you John, I try so hard." Sean's lighter voice seemed to flutter off his lips.

"I wasn't lost." Commented Artemis and Steffen waved him over. Decided to join the group Artemis went to the couch and waited.

"That's true, you were just heading up."

"Yeah, I doubt it would take long to find us with all this noise."

"Unless he wanted to get lost."

"I would. Especially if I had to be your friend Steffy."

"Fuck you Seth."

"STEFFEN! NOT IN FRONT OF LI-ANA AND EMIL."

"He does that all the time Philo." Li-ana smiled at the smaller dark haired boy sitting next to her. She was dressed in a different outfit and sitting next to another boy. But, unlike his other siblings, this boy had dark red hair and gold eyes.

Sean broke in between the bickering just in time. "OKAY! So we don't confuse Artemis here, why don't we act civilized for once and introduce ourselves." He seemed to find everything in good humor.

"Well," this time Artemis knew it was John. "I believe we've met before. I'm John and I am the eldest."

Sean leaned on his brother. Artemis was right. "And we met just a few moments ago on the stairs. I'm second, but only by 17 minutes, and my name is Sean." They were twins.

By this time Artemis had made it to the front of the couch and was now being addressed and seen by the other siblings. "You met Temair, she's next. But I'm Philo, and it's nice to meet you Artemis." Philo had the same dark hair as his sisters and their eyes.

"Steffen." Was all he got from his supposed 'friend'.

"Ouch, cold Steffy. Anyways, I'm Seth and I fall into sixth place, though I'm sure you've done the math." This boy had blond hair and green eyes with amber outlines magnified by small glasses.

Suddenly, the room fell into silence. All eyes were focused on the red head on the couch. Artemis waited and watched as the boy smiled at him and pointed to himself. Great, a game of charades was the thought that was traveling a one thousand times per second. Only this time, the game did not make sense.

The boy was trying hard to make Artemis understand and none of the siblings were going to help him out. Soon, both boys became flustered and the redhead pulled out a pad of paper and began to scribble something down and handed it to Artemis.

Emil, my name is Emil, Artemis.

"Emil?" the boy nodded and clapped. Great, next they'll give me a cookie. Artemis sighed and they moved last to the line.

"Hey! I'm Li ana and I'm the youngest!" The small child bounced happily on the couch. This made the other boy, Emil, bounce as well.

"You all realize we're going to have to do this again downstairs right?" Seth piped up, taking the microphone away from John and handing it to Sean.

"Damn..." Sean stepped up and poked a few buttons to see what song he would get. "Oh well, no one can fight my charm."

John rolled his eyes and sat in one of the chairs. "And what songs were approved by his Dictatorship?"

"Disney."

Philo adjusted himself. "We'll just pretend Jesus Christ R'n'R is Disney." There was a soft sigh to Artemis' right.

"What will you sing young Artemis?" Sean turned on his heel and smiled at the boy. Artemis felt uneasiness for a moment, but it was squashed when Steffen opened up his mouth. "Fat chance."

Artemis tried to make the blow less deadly. "I don't sing."

"Ah, well see now!" Sean clapped his hands together and nodded in Emil's direction. "Emil and him can partner up and be silent together."

"And loose face."

"I'm not going to get guilt tripped into singing."

"Well then, watch me veto your ass out of this room." THWACK! Steffen was then pegged by a pillow and once again, all eyes were on Emil. His cheeks were puffed out and his hands were on his hips, sending the message of 'you have crossed the line'.

Steffen glared back as well, but shrugged suddenly and plopped down on the couch, but, before he did he was sure to grab Artemis on his way down. Artemis was dragged in between Emil and Li ana, with Steffen sitting next to him.

"There was no need to man handle me." The rebuff came coldly.

"Would you prefer me to seduce you, Sir Fowl?" Artemis stiffened as the boy pulled closer.

"Top 10 things I never wanted to hear from Steffen." Sean replied, playing with the volume. "Hmm. Steffen, give me a song to sing."

"How about Think of me? You're actually able to hit those notes." Steffen looked very sincere and

Sean laughed lightly at the thought as he shook his head and said. "Fuck you." Everyone knew he didn't mean it.

Emil giggled softly to himself and scribbled something down onto the piece of paper, nudging Artemis softly.

Sean can't sing low. Don't ask anyone why, but he sounds better singing a girls part. Just like Aunt Wood, she can only sing the guys part.

Artemis looked over the note and nodded. Of course, some guys just never have their voice change, and some girls never discover their higher cords.

Steffen leaned closer to Emil. "Don't worry. You don't have to write back, just talk. But, you will have to learn how to read Emil speak."

"Are you giving him a chance Steffen? Sean was ready, and cast the cord behind him and steadied himself. "How very unlike you."

"I'm a giving person." Steffen waved his hand slightly and Artemis ignored him.

"Well, next time," Sean began to start the song, "Think of me...Think of me fondly. When we've said goodbye. Remember me once in a while; please promise me you'll try."

A few minutes past, and soon a few hours, and everyone (but Emil and Artemis) had sung a song. Though, karaoke was dropped and talk began. The Fitzpatrick family was very interested in the young Fowl heir.

Li ana was the boldest (surpassing Steffen by just a little) asking Artemis every type of question a child could ask. Most of the questioning revolved around, 'why would you choose my brother' and 'what were you on'. Philo would sometimes nudge her and tell her she was being too noisy, and with that, Artemis would agree. Sean and John just watched as the other siblings interact with Artemis, seeing if there were any rough patches that they would have to referee. Watching to seeing if they could trust him or not. Artemis though, believed he did not need their approval, and found ways to stop unnecessary questions from ever happening. But, somehow, Li ana was sure to come up with more.

"Li ana he's going to deck you if you don't stop pestering her." Philo snapped, glaring at the younger girl.

She protested by turning her head towards her brother and shaking it as hard as she could. "No he won't."

"Yeah, but that big guy down stairs might." Seth replied. Artemis noticed Emil rolling his eyes at all of them.

"Stop it you all. Here Artemis, if we can't get you to sing, would you please humor us with a simple card game?"

Artemis slipped into his poker mask. "Alright, what's the game?" Steffen removed himself from the couch, and everyone else formed a circle, leaving a spot for Artemis to join them.

Before him Artemis noted that there was a pile of cards and there were more than just a regular deck. Perhaps 5 decks in one. He raised his eyebrows and waited for the cards to be past out.

"The game is Egyptian Rat Screw! The whole point of the game is to get all the cards. The way you do that is you slap the doubles." Seth shuffled through his deck.

John (who was left of the dealer) explained the game while Artemis simply nodded his head. "The face cards, including the ace, have certain powers. Let's say I lay down an Ace, Li ana must get another ace or a face card within four cards, if not, I get the pile. With kings it's three cards, queens get two, and Jack one. Think you got it?" This was another favorite among the boys at his school, and he knew it could get violent fast.

"Alright, let's do this." John flipped. A round of swears, bashed hands, and won piles of cards ensued. Artemis soon learned the key to the slapping, you had to memorize when doubles were popping up. Naturally he was getting better.

It was turning out to be a long very long game due to everyone slapping in and winning the jacks. Emil and Sean had yet to fall out once, both Steffen and John had slapped in twice, Li ana, Artemis, and Seth had dropped out about four times. Soon, Steffen had kicked Sean out of the game. Artemis waiting for the double jacks, slapped when Seth set it down, making Seth jump a little, and Emil sighed in relief.

John had given up, Li ana soon died; Seth was still fighting with one jack. Both Emil and Steffen were trying to order their major decks of cards while Artemis kept alive with half of the jacks (which really seemed to have pissed Steffen off). Somehow, both Emil and Artemis had slapped away Steffen and Seth, sending both boys into a foul mood.

"Boys, and Li ana, dinners ready. I suggest you put the cards away and come down." Temair had popped her head in the doorway, gave them a brief smile, and waltzed her way back to the kitchen.

Seth was the first to get up. "Well...We'd ask you to count your decks but we don't have time, let's go."

"No fighting." Sean waggled his finger at the two boys. Artemis was about to reply but he stopped.

"No playing the switch game." Li ana preened her self as she slipped her hand into Sean's as they walked down the stairs.

Well, dinner followed suit, as did introducing everyone to everyone else. Angeline was beaming with admiration at the mass amount of children. It was indeed, a very peaceful meal. There were no awkward silences. Artemis said very little and was seated between Temair and Emil only to have Steffen a crossed from him. Artemis Senior was seated next to John and butler while Mr. Fitzpatrick sat next to Angeline.

Artemis eyed the meal. He noticed it was a fish meal, no peas, carrots, or mash potatoes. Steffen must have noticed because he snickered. Artemis saw Emil move a little out of the corner of his eye and then saw Steffen crumple over his plate. He allowed himself a small half smile: the boy had it coming.

* * *

Artemis and his parents had left only moments ago, and the Fitzpatrick children had hunker down into a deep discussion. Points were being brought up and vetoes had been issued and voices were being raised. Parli-pro had almost been tossed out of the room.

Emil settled down between Seth and Steffen, beaming at Sean and clapping. Steffen sent him a death glare with a reply attached. "That's not the point; you don't have to be with him Emil."

"When he comes here we will be." Seth pointed out, sipping on his tea.

"Steffen, on what grounds do you not want him here." John was digging though one of the many cupboards trying to find himself a drink of some sorts.

Shooting up and out of the couch Steffen stormed around the room, fling his arms this way and that. "Our grounds! I refuse to be forced to make friends with someone I don't care for! That's not friendship!"

"But you do know him." Li ana answered, tearing out her bows and handing them too Temair.

"You know what I mean." Steffen rounded on her and she nearly decked him in the thigh.

"Well, Steffen I think I have something in my pocket here..." Sean looked through his pockets and smiled.

"Don't you-"

"What's this? Oh my, a POCKET VETO." Withdrawing his hand from his pocked, Sean was able to make the 'Veto' motion.

"This is anarchy!" He cried, flinging one of the couch pillows at Sean, who skillfully dodged to the side.

"Okay, anarchy." John just smiled back.

"What I am trying to point out Steffen is that Artemis Fowl is going to try and become your friend. It would be easier on everyone if you got along. Sure we expect you to bite each other's heads off the first few days, hell, maybe weeks." Sean had now rested his head against Emil's shoulder and smiled at the fuming Steffen of doom in front of him. "But...I think you'll both be good for each other"

Steffen stood there defiant. "Fine, but I still stand firm against it."

"Then motion has been past and moved on. Does anyone have any comments?" Silence met the eldest boy, grovel dropped, and everyone drifted off to their separate rooms and to sleep.

* * *

**Yes, I know those are not correct parli-pro. Notice it was said that it has all but been thrown out. Also, Temair is not a replacement for their mother. Also, I'm not anti-feminist or feminist. Temair is who she wants to be. She's very lady like and the such while Li ana is more tom-boyish. They are who they are. So hush.**


	10. Simple Kind of Life

Disclaimer: I don't own so, you know, don't sue.

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ON TO CHAPTER 10! 

Artemis watched as an old beat up Ford rolled its self out of the Fitzpatrick's driveway as he was coming in. On the back with bright pink were words that read, "BEWARE: 'SNEAKER' GESTAPO DRIVING" distinctively scrawled with hearts and flowers all around. Artemis was sure that the sign would strike fear and awe in the hearts of law breakers; just as sure as he knew who painted it so lovingly upon the vehicle.

It had been about a week sense he had visited the Fitzpatrick house. It would be different this time. There would be no Butler and no parents. No one was there to get in the way of Steffen and no one was there to interfere with what Artemis had to say.

The night before he had bounced a plan of action off Butler, who in returned, pointed out how unpredictable Steffen (along with the rest of the gang) could be. No, this would be research and study day.

His car pulled up, Butler patrolled and opened the door, and then proceeded to escorted Artemis to the front door. Even before the bell was rang Emil opened the door and smiled.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE ASPRIN! JESUS CHRIST!" Shouting echoed through and out the door, hitting Butler and Artemis full force.

Artemis caught a glance of Steffen storming down the stairs in a pair of pajama pants with no shirt. "THE MEDICINE CABINET!"

"..." Emil rolled his eyes and ushered Artemis in with a simple yet graceful wave of his hand. The boy was wearing a pair of jeans that looked about one size to big and worn through at where the knees should have been.

Artemis himself had been forced to wear a pair of black slacks and a deep red dress shirt. Butler was glancing around and Emil looked at him, tilting his head to the side. As if in recognition Emil's eyes widened and he started to make the gesture. His arms hovered above his head as if to show some thing of height and then pointed to the door. Butler furrowed his brows and Emil tapped his wrist.

"What time?" Artemis froze. Did Butler understand that message that quick? He knew Butler was multi-lingual, but this wasn't even a patterned language. Perhaps Butler had picked it up somewhere in all of his 'Butler' extensive training. This only made Artemis more determined to understand what the boy was saying, even if he wasn't trying to convey a certain message.

Emil closed his eyes for a moment, counted on his finger, and held up two digits. Butler glanced at his watch, "Where's Mrs. Temair?"

"She went to the fabric store and she'll be back in about half an hour." Steffen had finally made his appearance, leaning against one of the many walls, elbow resting in the palm of his other hand with a class of water at his finger tips. Still clothed in his pajama bottoms, it was no doubt that Steffen had woken up only moments before their arrival. "And you're welcomed to stay if you want or don't believe us."

Soon Steffen was down on the ground grasping his shin and a very angry Emil was glaring down at him. The glass of water had been caught before it hit the ground in the same movement the kick was issued. Butler was impressed by the speed and accuracy the blow was dealt. Apparently this action had been perfected over time.

"I'm quite sure you won't kill each other." And with that, Butler left his charge and headed out, softly closing the door behind him. He was sure Emil would handle any miss deeds.

Some how, Emil had been able to disappear from the scene, leaving Artemis with the pain filled teenager. He mentally sighed and glared down at the boy on the floor. Soon enough, Steffen was starting to make his way up off the ground.

"Every time, Jesus Christ..." Artemis raised his brow, connecting this reaction with the time he came over for dinner with his parents. Steffen was standing next to him, rubbing his sore shin. "I don't know what the hell you want to do."

Li ana came crashing down the stairs, her hair tucked up in her hat and she was sporting an old pair of overalls. She was carrying a bucket full of nets. Emil was able to swiftly dodge her as he came around a corner with a small tea-cup.

"Off tad-poll hunting again?" tilting his head to the left, Steffen was able to talk to his stampeding sister.

"I'm going to catch the little punks if it kills me." Her determination would rival that of Napoleons'. Artemis was rather pleased with it. "Oh, hi Artemis, want to come?"

"Oh no you don't. I don't trust you at all, you'd toss him in and that would be the last of dear Artemis. That will not do!" Steffen replied as he looked past his sister. The glare on his face was directed at Emil, who, simply blinked back and scuttled up the stairs. Artemis narrowed his eyes: this was going to be a long day.

After a good minute of silence, Steffen turned to Artemis and sighed. Once again, the taller boy leaned against the wall again. For a moment Artemis thought the he was going to just go back to sleep. Artemis rested one arm on his hip and just glared.

"This isn't a dream." Steffen nearly jumped out of his pants and started to rub his temple. "And don't say it's a nightmare, even for you that is a bit cliché."

"How true. I suppose I should give you a tour." Steffen took a deep breath and pointed up. "You entered the grand hallway. As we continue around this corner you are led to one of the four main intersections in this house. This one is call the Kitchinner, because it intersects with the kitchen and the dinning room. My mother found it cute."

Steffen led Artemis around, pointing to different section of the house. They started in the back, working their way to the front and up. Steffen took him through the kitchen and into the pantry. After moments of flinging objects around, Steffen found what he was looking for. A small door lay hidden in the very back corner. Cracking it open, the door moved out ward, allowing the two boys to easily walk with in.

"This one of the passage ways that we use. It connects to the formal and in-formal living rooms. We call it the mouse trap, not to be confused with the rat trap on the third story." Steffen slide to the far door and opened it. "This is the formal living room."

Artemis took a step inside the room. An oak coffee table had papers scattered about it, and tea was left steaming. Dark red walls surrounded them with cream trim and a white ceiling above. The couches were pushed up against the walls and a small white china cabinet rested in the corner of the room.

"God damn, he always forgets his crap." Steffen was now organizing the papers and picked up the tea. "Well, this is it. Decorated via mom saying it was too plain. She actually said that about everything in this house."

Artemis glanced around the room, his mother would have done the same. "Your father and she bought it on the promise that he would let her decorate it with in reason."

"Right you are old sport. But we must carry on into the next room." With a swift movement, Steffen was once again leading the way and crossing the hall. They entered a room full of computer parts. Half of them were just that. Half of something that used to be.

Technician tools were strewn about. Computer chips and hard drives were ripped apart and put back together. It was a computer graveyard. "This is the tech room and also where Seth spends most of his free time."

Passing under an archway, the boys were now engulfed with papers and books. Tables stacked high with novels and littered with pens. Shelves reached the ceiling and some of their contents looked as if they were ready to explode out of their restraints. "This is where both Philo and I spend out rainy days."

One lonesome ladder stood discarded next to another door. This room had the musty smell of old books and wine, the color scheme was a rich dark green with hard wood floors and large long tables. Plush lazy boys were scattered among the tables as well.

* * *

After about 30 minutes into the tour, Artemis had only seen the first and second story. His legs were ready to collapse and he needed to sit down. Steffen seemed to be waking up as they moved onward and became more informative about the house. 

Artemis concentrated on telling himself that he had one story to go. After that he would demand a moment to rest. Reaching the top of the stairs he saw Steffen was already to go and half way through the doorway of the next room. Artemis was quiet surprised by what he saw.

There in front of them stood Emil with what looked like a molten tower of wax. Emil was now wearing a pair of scientific goggles, an apron, and a pair of shorts covered in wax stains.

"Well, this is Emil's room. And that's the wax tower he's been working on for about 7 years. Pisses the hell out of the old man. But that's only because we've been able to disconnect the fire alarms in his room. Many things have been sacrificed to that thing." Steffen snickered at a flaming taper sticking out from the middle of the wax. "Mom's just worried he'll burn his fingers off."

"What a shame that would be." Artemis glanced around the room. These walls had not been decorated or painted. Absolutely nothing had touched them. No pictures and no posters dare cover the wall, it was barren. The only color in the room was the cedar dresser, bedposts and headboard, and the night stand. The carpet was a deep blue and the covers to the bed were golden, shimmering in the afternoon light.

"I know! He wouldn't be able to paint." Fire flew past Steffen's head, and Artemis noted that Emil had a hair spray bottle aimed at a match. Somehow, the smile plastered on his face allowed Emil a spot of recognition in Artemis' brain just someone he'd have to be careful around. Setting the tea cup he had found earlier down onto a small dresser right inside the doorframe, Steffen shut Emil's door and started again with the tour.

After winding their way through various passage ways, Artemis finally was allowed to sit down. They had finally reached Steffen's room. It was decorated with many different things. People and outlines covered the walls, music notes were started on the ceiling but never finished, and words spilled around the corners. The closet was covered with what Artemis understood to be Disney characters. The bed sheets were the same red as the one in the formal dinning room, piled on top was an ebony-knitted blanket. An amp was resting in the corner with a bass guitar next to it.

"This is about it." Silence befell onto both boys. For Steffen, he was planning the next thing to do; Artemis was just enjoying the pleasure of being able to sit down. "Is there anything you would like to do? We've got a pool table in the informal living room, DDR, game systems. My sister went and bought new badminton sets or there is the favorite of harass Emil for ideas."

"You did a wonderful job of planning this." On the desk was a computer with a chair and Artemis was relieved to sit down.

"Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life." Defensively, Steffen raked his fingers through his hair and collapsed on his bed. "Hey, I've had my group of friends since pre-school; I've forgotten what you do on the first day someone comes over."

"So you're going to go steal some from you brother. My, what a creative boy you are." Artemis admired his fingernails.

"Alright, fine. We'll do my chores, how's that sound? Good? Great! I'll get you a pair of shoes and pants." With that all said Steffen began tossing about random pairs of pants. Finally he stopped at a pair of ratty jeans. "Here, I'm sure with a belt these will fit. What size shoes do you wear?"

"I'm not wearing those. And a size 5 in men's will do." Artemis replied, eyeing Steffen as though he had just done something incredibly stupid.

"Do you want to ruin those pants and have a nasty ass rash?"

"No."

"Then wear these." He threw the jeans and a belt at Artemis, who, caught them hesitantly. Artemis noticed Steffen pulling a bookcase away from the wall and knocking on it a few times. The wall opened and Emil's head protruded through it, goggles pushed up onto his forehead. "Hey, can I borrow a pair of boots?"

Emil furrowed his brow and pulled back.

He's questioning why.

"Well, I guess you might need yours, but do you have an extra pair? And put the new stuff on, I want to see who it would look better on. I'm not having you go out looking like a clown." With a wave of his hand, Steffen dismissed Emil from their presence. Emil disappeared back into his room.

Artemis expected to hear clothing and things being tossed around, but only a soft shuffling could be heard. Soon enough the red head appeared again. This time with a pair of leather lace up high tops were thrust into Steffen's hands as Emil shut the door.

"You can use the bathroom down the hall, I'll have to change as well" Artemis resisted the urge to just stay put, but, having the feeling Steffen would just change right there and then, he rose from the swivel chair and left with the jeans. "Meet me down in the kitchen."

As he fumbled around the bathroom (having some trouble getting his legs through the baggy pants) Artemis found himself fighting with the belt. Apparently, he'd have to go get another one or poke a hole in the one he was given. The later seemed like a better idea then the second option. Another problem was that this was Steffen's smallest belt, so he'd have to ask someone else. Artemis refused to have his pants sagging all the way to his knees again.

Walking a crossed the hall he tapped on Emil's bedroom door and waited. Inside he could here a slight thud and crack. Emil opened the door and sighed, Artemis noted that he had interrupted Emil in changing because his white dress shirt was half buttoned and was not tucked in. Artemis wasted no time.

"Do you have a belt I can borrow?" Emil seemed to think about it for a moment before he reached over and grabbed a black leather belt with a small silver buckle. He handed it to Artemis and smiled, then slipped back into his room.

So, being left with a belt he hoped would work, Artemis slipped it on, tightened it to the third hole, and found himself wandering down to the kitchen to lace his boots up. Well, so far this has been very educational Po, Artemis noted, not only am I learning to control my boredom, but I'm learning to read what a mute child wants to say without using any form of true sign language.

To Artemis' credit, he didn't get lost on his way down to the kitchen, hell, he didn't even get lost in the kitchen. Kudos to the boy. Sitting on one of the stools set in front of the kitchen counter, Artemis waited for Steffen, who trudged down wearing jeans that had probably seen better days. In his hand he held two black velvet helmets. Artemis had no doubt in his mind where this was heading, and a little red flag went up.

"We're riding." Not a question, it was a statement.

"Damn you are good. It took Tom till we were tacking up." Steffen mumbled. Granted he probably said it in his normal tone, but with his head being shoved into the fridge it was morphed into something else. "Have you ridden before?"

"Yes." Artemis remembered his mother taking him into riding with her in Budapest when they went on vacation when he was 6. Somehow, the impression that horses hated him had rubbed off.

"Alright then, I'm sure you can ride Robin." Pulling out of the fridge, Steffen set three bottles of water into pack that was on the counter. "I'd pack a lunch, but my sister would kill me if you didn't have some with everyone that will be home..."

Resting his head in his palm, Artemis tested the waters of talking Steffen out of the idea. "Steffen, lets be honest here, we both don't want to be here."

"Actually, I really don't want to leave" Steffen was dodging the subject.

Artemis was not playing games: this was business. "You know what I mean."

Steffen continued to poke around in the fridge. "Honestly. I couldn't give a flying fuck. Right now, you're more of a problem than anything. However, seeing as I was vetoed by my siblings, your presence is requested." Slamming the fridge door shut, Steffen grabbed the pack and was headed out the door.

"I hope you band doesn't let you write the songs." Artemis slipped off his chair and followed Steffen. Parked under the eves was a three-wheeler and Artemis heard keys jingling. "I also hope you were taught how to drive and this isn't a random test of nerve."

"You know, you should trust people sometimes. You do know what trust is, don't you? It's something friends do." Steffen called over his shoulder. "Do you want to walk down there?"

"We're hardly friends"

"Hop on and I promise not to kill or maim you. Just keep you feet up." He set the packs into the cart that would be dragged by the three-wheeler and started the machine. Artemis narrowed his eyes for a moment, but then decided why not? He'd been with worse automobile drivers in worse conditions; why not take a chance on the wild side?

Steffen moved up, allowing Artemis to slide behind him. Artemis could not tell if Steffen said anything because the engine was too loud, and suddenly they were already moving. Clutching onto the other boy, Artemis watched as they moved out. After about seven minutes Artemis could see the barn.

It wasn't painted red, in fact, it wasn't even painted, it was just there and you could see the age in it. Though, before they got to it, Steffen stopped the three-wheeler abruptly and Artemis had to cling to stay on. Artemis turned to see what the fuss was about and spotted some other kids riding up.

"Fucking O'Conellys." Steffen muttered, glaring over at them shoulders hunched over the handlebars. Artemis could sense family rivalry as soon as the others rode right up to the fence.

A dark haired boy rode up on a blood bay horse and was followed by two others. "Well, if it isn't dear sweet Prince Steffy? He has someone new with him."

"Wow, Kevin, great observation. Why don't you keep moving, I'm entertaining company, and yours is not welcomed." Steffen replied, reaching for the ripcord. Artemis eyed the other boys, one had a blue helmet and the other two had white.

"If I remember correctly, Steffy, you stopped first." A boy riding a bay spoke up.

Nodding to the horses that the other boys were riding, Steffen grinned a little. "Well, I was trying to figure out if you were riding jack asses or mules, because Artemis and I are going to go and ride real horses. You do know what those are, right Conner?"

"Steffen, you know as well as we do you can plainly tell these are horses." The blue helmet replied. It wasn't a voice of reprimanding, but Artemis felt Steffen tense up.

"Patrick, always the voice of reason." Steffen was seething with hate. "Tell me again why you have yet to command the troops."

"Where's sweet Emil? We want to make sure he hasn't started to talk, because then, when those games begin, we can steal him." Kevin jeered, leaning over his horse to look at Steffen. "And, sense he can't talk; there will be no screaming from him. You will simply not know you lost a man."

"You couldn't catch Emil if you tried. You're too fat Kevin and way too stupid." Steffen ripped the cord and Artemis was thrown forward into the other boy. "Thanks for the warning" Artemis had to raise his voice slightly to get Steffen to hear him.

Steffen finally slowed down when they got to the barn and it seemed his temper had cooled The other boys had not followed them. Artemis could tell that their fence ran parallel with that of the Fitzpatrick and went on for quiet some difference. Steffen brought them to a stop and turned the three-wheeler turned off.

The barn doors were already opened as they walked through. Steffen set the helmets on a small table and proceeded to disappear into a room. Artemis followed.

"Okay, this is the tack room. Technically we're supposed to put out helmets in here, but I don't. There are mice and I don't want them ruined. Also, all the tack for the horses is here: hence tack room. The grooming tools are in here as well. First aid for both us and the horses, here." After the brief explanation, Steffen lifted two halters. One was labeled Robin and the other labeled Marcus Arielus.

Artemis received the one that would belong to Robin. "Well, first we're going to teach you how to catch your horse."

"What are you doing? Giving me a lesson?"

"Fuck yes, but only in the mere basics." Steffen made his way out of the tack room. "I'm not catching you're horse for you."

From there Artemis could see the hay loft and a few sparrows' nest. The barn was very big, but very homely. A few horses were in their stalls and others were out in their paddocks.

Exiting the barn Steffen led Artemis to a gate and unlocked it, letting Artemis go through first and shutting it behind him self. Both boys entered the paddock and walked around.

Steffen trudged ahead. "They better not be in the fucking back..."

"And if they are?"

"We'll ride them to the front. Just don't tell the old man." Steffen tossed his head in the direction of the house. "He'd be so fucking pissed."

"Do you always swear this much. It shows lack of vocabulary." Artemis swayed to and fro, not really caring if Steffen swore or not, it was completely up to him what came from his mouth.

"Yes. Hey look, there's King." He pointed to a large chestnut was grazing in a separate paddock next to a fence. "I'd show you how you how to catch him because he's right there...but he's kind of...temperamental."

"Who's that?" Artemis pointed to a large dark dapple gray, standing next to a tree and peering at them.

"Watch. He's Emil's show horse. Fucking amazing those two." Steffen started walking backwards to properly speak to Artemis. "Good chemistry, lots of respect between horse and rider."

Artemis remembered Emil's white riding shirt. "Emil's riding today, isn't he."

"Damn you're good." Shaking his bangs out of his face and adjusting his frames, Steffen continued on. "It took Eric a month to figure out Emil could ride."

He knew Eric was slow, but that slow? "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack. But really, we'll be here all day if we don't get our horses and I keep comparing you too my looser set of friends."

"I'm not so sure I want to be your friend if I'll be a looser." The bickering had become a game now, nothing too dramatic, only sporting.

"Oh hush, you just think you don't want to be my friend. But anyways, that's your mare there. She is old, but she's like a big dog." Steffen pointed out a bay mare, lazily lounging under a tree. "In the old days, people used to mount on the left and all that. Now you should actually try and switch off because you could cause back problems. Also, always talk to a horse so they know you are there."

Steffen began to walk toward the mare, who, just looked at him as if he were nothing. Artemis followed, and even then, she just lazed on.

"Stand right here." Steffen placed Artemis right below/next to Robin's poll. "Now, the front part of the halter is here, and what you want to do with the lead rope is slip it around her neck. She won't move...but it's just a precaution with all the horses."

Artemis did as he was told, slipping the lead rope around her neck and holding the halter by the muzzle piece (not the real name, but makes sense for all you non-horsy people).

"Now, just slip it over her muzzle and bring that strap around her ears and buckle. But leave enough room so that your fist could fit in it." Steffen showed him how, and then took it off and handed it back to the other boy.

Artemis pointed to the third whole on the top. "Or where the hole is marked"

"Yeah, that works too. Just start leading her up to the gate and wait for me. If you hear Emil tell him Watch is in the pasture."

"Is there anything I say to her?"

"If you want, you can be like "Hi ho Silver." Artemis gave Steffen a look that basically told Steffen he was stupid. "Alright, just say walk on or click."

Artemis started moving forward and asked Robin to 'walk on'. Sure enough, it worked. Steffen didn't lie to him.

Now, I'm not sure if any you have ever led a horse by yourself for the first time, but it's really interesting if you think about it. This animal could kill you and yet it's allowing you to lead it to work. See, it's really kind of a nice thing in that this animal has so much trust in you and that they allow you to lead them wherever (most horses). These thoughts were what were going through Artemis' head as well. Though he was not a horse person, he did not mind being near them. They were not filthy and they did not slobber like dogs. They were graceful and powerful. In some countries to this day, horses were considered to show power and wealth.

It was a wonder that the Fowls did not have any. Of course, he probably wouldn't have ridden even then. He watched for any sign that might give away Robin's decision to bolt, but as they came to the fence, she just went back to lazing about.

He was startled however, when her ears darted forward and she craned her large head around to see what could be coming. Artemis ignored her head on his shoulder and began to plan for what was coming at him.

For a moment, all he could see was a mass of black dashing towards him and the first rational thought was to jump out of the way. Unfortunately that plan of action was killed by Robin because she was standing next to him. It also didn't help if she didn't move. Well go figure; if she wanted to bolt she'd have no problem. I, on the other hand, am not a horse and cannot move as quickly. Another thing he noticed is that the black mass had a halter on and was shaping out to be a horse. So, by evaluating the situation, he concluded the horse was under control or would slow down before it came to Robin.

"This" he heard Steffen's voice from behind the horse "is Marcus Arielus. He's an Arabian. His brother is in one of the far paddocks...we might see him today. But Marcus is one of our more favorable riding horses on trail rides and I think he likes Robin and Watch a little more then his brother does."

This was all very educational. "And Robin is..?."

"Oh! Robin was my sister's first horse; my father gave it to her on Christmas one year. She's half quarter horse and half Saddlebred." Steffen tied the lead rope to the halter. Perhaps Marcus had made a mad dash for the gate and broke the clip. "Makes for a funky trot, but a very cool canter or lope. My sister use to show her in dressage and she's a five gaited horse. Most of these horses are three."

"Making her worth more." He wasn't completely stupid in the terms of horsemanship.

"Exactly. But she's a good horse, she doesn't spook easily." Steffen had swung the gate open, allowing his horse to pass as well as Artemis and Robin. Locking it back in place, Steffen started to move his horse around and Robin just followed him into the barn.

Hooking his horse as well as Robin up to the cross ties, Steffen ducked over and into the tack room, emerging with a bucket of assorted brushes.

"This Potter; is not a golden snitch. It is fact a curry comb." He held up a circular rubber brush with nubs as brush hairs. "You brush everything but the legs, head, and belly. Also. You go in small counter clockwise circles. Then you take the hard brush and flick the dirt off, and it can be used anywhere but the face. The dandy brush goes everywhere, especially the face. Then I'll teach you to pick feet."

"How exciting." These creatures had more brushes than his mother.

"Better than Mr. Reagan's discussions." Steffen shook his brush at Artemis, mocking the stance their teacher had used with them, Artemis found it very amusing. Most kids hated their teachers because they gave them too much to do, but it seemed that both of them hated the students because they didn't listen.

"...That's true...but I'd rather not think about that man. I could have wasted my time doing something more important than that class." Artemis had already started to brush Robin on the left side and was moving on to the next side.

About 10 minutes past and Steffen was giving Artemis lessons on picking out the muck. Artemis noted that both horses were not shoed, and questioned Steffen about it. The response was that they simply did not need it until they were to be showed. Robin simply lifted each foot for him and was very patient. Unlike Marcus, who, every 30 seconds would slam his hoof down next to Steffen's foot. Steffen reprimanded him with a swat on the leg, which made a loud popping noise, and reaffirmed the action with a firm 'no'.

Steffen then showed Artemis how to bridle his horse. Warming the bit between his hands, Steffen explained why they did this. "Seriously, would you like and hard piece of ice shoved into the back of your mouth? It's the least we could do, other than having a soft bit." When Steffen showed him, robin decided to be stubborn about the whole affair, repeatedly not opening her mouth as well as being quick enough to 'spit' the bit back. Artemis was sure Steffen would loose his patients, but he didn't. Instead, he seemed to find it funny.

"Score!" the bit was in and the throat latch was done up. "go ahead and lead her into the arena, and I'll tie Robin on the post."

Artemis did as he was told and led through the gate and shut it. Waiting in the middle he watched as Marcus tried to dash up the small hill and bound in the arena. It was interesting to watch Steffen continually circle his horse and try to walk. Robin kept one ear on the two outside the fence and one on Artemis, though he was as silent as she was.

Steffen stopped and tied his horse to the post and watched him for a moment. Marcus seemed to calm down but his ears were constantly changing directions. "I know when I turn my back he'll try and break the latch again."

"So why not bring him in here?" Simple solution and Steffen laughed.

"I would never have time to focus on you." And Steffen ducked under the wood and into the arena. "Alright, first we're going to work on bareback. That way you have at least a little better balance than without. When we see Emil, we'll tack up for a trail ride and make it back before lunch."

His mounting skills were less than graceful. Steffen had offered him what was called a 'leg up'. This set up is where Steffen laced his fingers together and had Artemis set his knee in them and both of them heaved up. Artemis using his leg to spring up and Steffen using his arms to give Artemis a little more height. He and Steffen were both unaware of each other's strength and almost overcompensated, which would have sent Artemis over the other side. Once he was up though, he was there to stay.

Steffen went over the basics. To both Artemis and Steffen's surprise, Artemis actually had good balance. The only thing that Steffen had to keep reminding Artemis about was his heels and arms. Every time he got his hands down his heels went up, and every time the heels went down the hands came up. Artemis was loosing patients, and was sure Steffen was having a shit fit. Artemis knew that Marcus was causing a fuss and that was probably not what Steffen needed. When Artemis did chance a glance at the other boy, he noticed he was smiling. Artemis averted his attention in front of him and brought Robin to a halt.

"What am I doing wrong now?" exasperated, Artemis found hi self getting just a little frustrated with his 'instructor'.

"Well, it's just very amusing how you naturally have a proper dressage position... if you'd keep those heels and hands down." No matter what happened, he'd always point out that fact. "Emil had the same problem...so we set the stirrups on his feet and if he dropped them he'd have to dismount and pick them up."

"Lovely. Hello Emil" Artemis looked past Steffen and nodded to the auburn hair boy. No longer wearing the wax stained shorts. Emil had dawned a tan hunter's jacket as well as a pair of white breaches with black knee boots. Watch was outfitted with what Steffen would explain to be polo wraps, a black English saddle with a white saddle pad and a matching bridle. Marcus had clamed down extensively and Emil waved a gloved hand at Artemis.

"Jesus Christ, did you have to fight to get out of the house?" Emil sighed and pointed a crossed the fence and stuck up his nose.

Steffen motioned for Artemis to come to the middle and watched as he dismounted. "Fucking Nazis, patrolling the fence like that." Both boys left the small arena and headed back to the barn.

With a whirlwind of leather and metal, Artemis found himself getting in the jyst of tacking up. Steffen wasn't rushing, but it seemed as though it was done in a flash, and soon all three boys were heading back out towards the pasture.

Unlocking the paddock gate, Steffen allowed his horse to pass, then Artemis and Robin, Emil and Watch close behind. Silence was woven around the boys as they walked further out towards a small forest. Artemis found his legs to be slightly sore as he walked next to Robin.

This short walk gave him time to evaluate his day, and how it was being spent. Surely, he reminded himself, that this was not a waste of his time. This whole 'force-your-kids-to-be-friends' thing had some deeper meaning, and he would thank his parents in the long run. Artemis glanced at Steffen. A very long run, he corrected. Though, he had lengthened his knowledge on horsemanship and he was absolutely going to need that later in life.

First Emil mounted up, then Artemis and Steffen fell in line, still shrouded in silence. Artemis remembered Steffen explaining about a horse only needing body cues and different pressure signals to get them to do what the rider might or might not want. It seemed as though that was what was going on between them. The silence was not awkward, just dead air, there wasn't that much to talk about. Artemis followed Steffen as he led the way on a dirt trail entering the wide spread trees. The afternoon sun had not risen yet, and the morning dew still clung to the grass. Artemis' borrowed pants were soaked at the bottom, but he could not tell because the boots prevented the wet from seeping in.

"How are your stirrups?" Steffen asked, looking behind him. Artemis shrugged and Steffen settled back into the front. "Can you post?"

"Yes."

"Let's trot." With that, Steffen signaled Marcus to trot, and Robin started off with out being told. Artemis found it a challenge to stay on the right diagonal, look ahead, and keep his helmet from cracking him in the face.

Trees pasted in a small blur and Artemis felt just a little lighter, but as soon as the small flash of security popped up, it was shattered. He felt a gush of wind past his right, immediately Marcus spooked and Steffen was swearing. Artemis saw the disaster play out in front of him.

As Marcus came up Steffen was not so lucky, his helmet crashed into one of the tree branches, knocking him out. Slow motion became a must as the boy fell to the ground. Urging his mount to help the fallen boy, Artemis felt another gush of wind and Robin took off.

Clinging to her mane and taking up a jockey's position, Artemis prayed that she would stop, and watched as she dodged the branches in their way. Trying to catch hold of the reigns, Artemis nearly took a tumble of his own, but someone caught him and his reigns. As soon as it had started, it was over. Robin had slowed to a halt and Artemis was left clutching her mane and looking at who stopped them. Robin was shifting as he looked up; Emil was sitting there, looking very startled and worried. Artemis was too out of breath to say much, and Emil seemed to understand.

Emil smiled reassuringly, and led Robin back to where the accident had occurred. Artemis was trying to remember which direction they had come, but it seemed they would not need it. Steffen had woken up in a bad mood and Artemis could hear his swearing a mile away.

"I'm going to fucking kill them that was fucking trespassing, next time I'm taking John's shotgun and popping a cap in those sons of a bitch's ass." Yes, that was definitely Steffen, his lack of grammar and vocabulary live and vivid. Artemis let out the breath he had been holding as he spotted Steffen on his feet.

Artemis could add two and two, but to get it verified at this point would be a nice thing to have. "What happened?"

"O'Conellys, came and harassed the hell out of Marcus. He's still green, so he spooked as soon as that horse pasted him. And then they raced Robin." Steffen patted her softly on the neck.

"I thought you said she wouldn't spook." So much for that trust thing Steffen was preaching about.

Steffen dusted his pants off. "She doesn't. She just has a racing problem. You know, horse road rage."

"Thank you for the warning." Steffen glanced at his watch and sighed, grabbing a hold of Artemis' reigns. "What are you doing? You're not riding with me."

"We should head home anyways; Temair is in the middle of making lunch." Steffen stepped on Artemis' foot. "Give me your hand."

Without waiting, Steffen took a hold of Artemis and swung himself behind the other boy. Artemis had to sit deep to avoid getting pulled off by the other boy. Once again, they were off, small bickering came up between the two, but was settled easily by a glare of doom from Emil. He was now leading them both because both had fought over steering privileges.

* * *

Catching Marcus at the gate they were relieved to find he had not been injured, and his tack was still in place. Dismounting yet again, Steffen led the way into the barn, helping Artemis understand the basics of un-tacking. After that had been done, Emil sat in the trailer part of the three-wheeler and the two boys sat up front. Artemis was once again, clutching on for dear life and watched the scenery pass in a blur. Just as the rest of the day would.

* * *

It seemed to have merged into one picture frame. He didn't remember saying goodbye and he didn't remember getting home and falling asleep in his bed. The days adventure still fresh in his mind. Somewhere, a small bond had grown, and he would have to realize it sooner or later. For both Steffen and him, it would be best if he did it sooner rather than the later. He could barely hear his cell phone go off and did not notice his mother peeking in to make sure he wasn't dead and still in one piece.

* * *

**Alright. I have never owned a horse. I work at horse camps and I use to ride. These accounts are based on my general knowledge, that of my friends, and co-workers. Do not take the information from this and try to ride or tack up by yourself. It takes practice to get good at anything, especially riding. Also, you don't need to point your heels down when you are riding bareback because you don't have a saddle. It's just a teaching method. Always wear a helmet (even though I don't sometimes) and ride in pairs.**


	11. Masquerade

Disclaimer: Party time!

* * *

Artemis watched with little interest as random guests flitted around the vast ballroom and giggled. He was most keen on watching was who flitted about because he could not let his guard down, because, not only did he have to worry about his parents, but he had to keep an eye out for Steffen.

Who, from what he could tell, was entertaining a group of girls (saving Artemis the trouble) and was proceeding to dance with each one of them in turn. Everyone seemed to be merry and very joyous: except fore Artemis. He had kept himself away from dancing and parties for most of his life and that was one aspect of it he was not about to change. Instead, he would settle for a night of boredom.

Everyone, including himself, was outfitted for the occasion. His mother had dawned a Loralie designer ball-gown. The dress was a deep blue and almost matched the stunning necklace her beloved son had presented to her as a present. Her hair was dolled up with small sapphire pins, while her small black shoes tapped after her husband while he darted between the guests.

His father and he had dawned black suits: the classic Armani. Though, at Steffen's prompting (harassing) the younger Fowl wore a red tie. Well, he more or less settled with a red tie. Steffen had tried to talk him into wearing green and sliver tie, but Artemis flat out refused. Steffen himself wore a pin-stripe suit (though he was running around without his jacket) with a tie that zipped up. Artemis had long given up trying to explain that there was no use to that zipper, but Steffen just continued to play with it and the girls found it most amusing(3).

Steffen had snuck up behind him and was now leaning close to his ear and whispering. "Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you!" Artemis twitched; he had once again drifted in his thoughts. This was happening more frequently than needed since he had returned home from his last adventure. "Let's crash this shebang."

"My mother would not approve." He straightened up but continued to gaze over the guests.

"Oh god, please no, it could not be true." Steffen eyed the boy in front of him as if the black plague had once again broken out and Artemis had become the only carrier. "Artemis Fowl the Second could not possibly be a mama's boy."

He rubbed his temple and sighed, a conversation like this would go nowhere. "Just because I get along with my parents does not mean I suck up." It seemed the more they talked the more the fought. "Do you not have enough girls to dance with? I'm sure some of the older ladies would like you to accompany them."

Steffen snorted and shook his head, "I would rather dance with them because they probably still remember how to waltz correctly. I mean, the oldest one should be just around Bach's age…if he were still alive."

"I agree." Silence ended the conversation as both boys watched the milling crowd. Artemis no longer took an interest in Steffen's presence but was more concerned with his parents talking with the group of girls. But, while Artemis deals with hiding from his parents' guests, we will take a small moment to figure out why these people were here. We will also look into who was the party company and what the manor looked like.

First of all, this was a high-class party, not one that you would show up to in something you just threw together at last minute. You would put your finest on and you would arrive at a time deemed. Not too late, but not early enough to look anxious. Suits and ties for the young and old fellows of the crowd while the ladies wore elegant jewel encrusted ball gowns. Some of them, Artemis swore, could have been from the Victorian age itself. There were up-dos to comb-over, bare shoulders to gloved fingers, and the occasional fan or cane.

The some of the guests were the stereotypical rich, while others we not quiet as much. The ones that didn't fit the picture at all, didn't even bother to show up. Which was quit saddening for Mr. Fowl, because he really had wanted to talk to those people and see if they knew of any good world wide organizations that perhaps he could become involved in. That however, was another topic all though together.

Most guests had their little clicks, just as school dances. Over in one corner were the old hens, another the old business tycoons, while the younger and more lively generation took over the dance floor. The younger yet were either chasing the opposite sex, running from the opposite sex, at home with the nanny, or too tired to really care about anything any more.

So, we've covered the 'who', the 'what to wear', and the 'looks', but let's move on into the floor plan and how well Mrs. Fowl can decorate (with a few 100 staff members). The ballroom with its classic oak wooden floors had a comfortable collapsible stage for an orchestra or band at the far end of the room. To the right the French doors led out on to a patio that had a lantern lit pathway into the gardens. On the opposite side of the stage, sliding doors led into the living room.

The Ballroom was painted in a Chinese white with an ice lilac trim. A silver chandelier was perfectly centered above the wooden dance floors. Round tables were covered with light rose tablecloths and had crystal bowls with lily and rose-floating candles dispersed among them. Crystal candleholders with 16 inch white tapered candles were spread out every 2 per 3 seats. Though, they had to be evenly spaced in-between due to the arrangement of Fairy rose, baby's breath and Orchid; one does not normally want their house to burn down.

The fine china, crystal glasses, and the silverware were silverware perfectly laid out on the table. As for the dinning room it was painted in an off white with powered blue trim with an island bar on the right side of the wall. The grand feast was laid on to a huge cherry wood table that had seats with matching white arched back chairs and a simple door way led to the kitchens. The table was set with an ice lilac silk tablecloth that was accented with a fairy rose print at the ends.

What his mother's obsession with flowers was all about he didn't even want to comprehend. He really, just wanted to retreat into his room and sleep. He never felt so weary around so many people before, even at school he was able to stay awake. Well, that was most likely because the other students would chuck paper balls at him; he'd seen it happen to the other students that would put down their head to rest.

Climbing the staircase he leaned over to watch both the guests entering the household, and the ones spinning around the dance floor. It felt as if he were just dozing and not really paying any attention: just watching.

"You realize that if your mother finds the both of us up here, she'll have our heads." Artemis Sr. withdrew from the shadows and limped to the younger Fowl's side.

"I was down there." And it was true; he completed his civic duty and showed his face for a good half hour.

"Acting very anti-social." His father pointed out, nodding his head towards the floor. Artemis continued to stay calm.

"I was entertaining my friend." Simple and proven fact, for Fowl Senior had been present at the time.

Artemis swore he saw his father smiling now. "Acting very anti-social"

"Yeah you were. What's your problem? That Amy chick was cute." He seethed, somehow he expected Steffen to show up and cause a problem. "Hide your face so the world will never find you. That's a crying shame."

"I do believe my Father and I were having a heart to heart." Artemis noticed his father shrugged his shoulders and began to watch the crowd again. Signing to Artemis that his father was not to be dragged into this battle.

"Well, your friend needs to have a foot to foot. Excuse us." Steffen bow graciously to Fowl Senior and Artemis felt his body being dragged down the staircase.

It was either make a big fuss and draw attention or see what Steffen was planning on. Artemis was not one for too much drama so the latter was chosen. . Artemis already knew what was going to happen: it was just that his feet would not cooperate with his brain.

Both knew (and one saw) where they were headed and this was not how Artemis Fowl the Second would be introduced to society. He could feel Steffen's arm slip around his waist in assurance he wouldn't struggle. Artemis felt he should elbow him in the side, but that would be childish. And Artemis Fowl the Second does not do 'childish'

"No, we are not dancing." There was no time for reason or time for an appeal. The order and law had been laid down and it was to be followed.

Apparently, the blond saw it differently and would continue to pull the reluctant Fowl to the floor. "Oh, yes we fucking are." Steffen was determined and tightened his grip on Artemis' wrist. Where was Butler, was it not defined in his contract to protect him from this type of behavior?

Artemis tried to spot the massive bodyguard somewhere out in the crowd. But poor Artemis was stranded because Butler was talked into kitchen duty where he had a pretty good sight of the security cameras.

"I am going to stop." Artemis dug his heels into the wood, making a slight 'SQEAK'.

Artemis didn't have time to protest or fall into shock. "You stop, and I'll make out with you here on these stairs." Though, later in his life he would blame the lack of movement on shock itself.

Trudging onto the dance floor it seemed as if life slowed down or perhaps that was the music ending. Either way it was not going at the speed Artemis required to be able to drop the event from his memory. Later he would also sit down and analyze ever possible out come. You could now see why his parents were worried for him.

A few turned heads and a fuming couple of girls watched as the two boys stole center stage. Artemis tried his best to relax and glare steadily at Steffen, who, in return rolled his eyes.

"I bet you 30 Euros you can't make it through this dance." Artemis fought the need to scratch his ear as Steffen tickled it with his hot breath.

He faced Steffen, his chin held high and a look that was all his own grazed over the other boy. "As long as it's your simple waltz it will be easy money for me."

"Then let's do this." Steffen's hand rested on above Artemis' hip and took his hand in his own. The music, true to Artemis' wishes, was indeed a slow waltz.

Now, if you think Artemis took the bait, he didn't. Not in his mind at least. He was almost being a normal teenager. He wasn't there yet, due to the fact that the person he was dancing with was a guy, and he wasn't dancing at an actual dance or club. They were only taking baby steps.

To both boys' surprise, neither had two left feet, and all seemed to go quiet well. Artemis was tempted (though never gave up eye contact) to look down at his feet and make sure they weren't going to trip up. It seemed to him that Steffen absolutely loved the moment and it made Artemis just a little more irritable.

"What's the point of this, to teach me to socialize?" Artemis averted his eyes to his hand that rested upon Steffen's shoulder, and then looked back at Steffen with in a second's pace.

Steffen narrowly missed Artemis' foot; the boy smirked and raised his brow. "Yes Fowl, because it's all about you." That was an act of war. Steffen seemed to grow tired, as if he had been working the whole time "It's just about having a good time."

"So, being dragged a crossed the dance floor is your idea of having a good time." Artemis allowed himself to tighten his grip on the other boy, he also felt Steffen's shoulder stiffen under the pressure.

"It seems to be yours. Lighten up Fowl. Besides, the song is almost over." Steffen preformed a call and spun Artemis before he had a chance to protests. Artemis then came faced to face with the other boy. They danced past Angeline, who, smiled and waved to her little Arty as he conquered the floor.

Was this boy trying to make a fool out of him? Trying to teach him some sort of a lesson? Artemis narrowed his eyes and watched every detail and every movement Steffen made. Surely he was planning something, somewhere behind those amber eyes was a calculating mind, waiting for his demise. Artemis would have to get there first.

Ah, that was it, the slight arm movement that asked for a spin, but Artemis would not comply completely. In his turn ha allowed his heel to gently graze Steffen's shinbone that managed to send Steffen to his knees.

Had he hit the spot that could bring down the other boy easily? No, he had not found the spot Emil could kick in a flash, but instead had nicked a deep bruise that Marcus had so lovingly inflicted Steffen with just days earlier.

Artemis smirked with victory, but it was lost as soon as gained. Instead of Steffen letting go to grab the injured leg, he tugged on Artemis for support as he hopped around to keep the pressure off his pain filled leg. This loss of balance created another loss of balance. Artemis had not yet allowed his foot to touch the ground, which sent him crashing into Steffen. In the out come of the event, both tumbled to the floor. Another round of gasps as everyone stood in awe. Angeline hurried up to see how both boys faired. But unfortunately for her and her son, she did not arrive, soon enough.

As you would think both boys landed together. Artemis being tugged down had full rights to be top, but having top, does not always make you dominant. Artemis was almost able to sit on Steffen's knee if he had the reflexes to pop back up. Artemis, the poor boy, never had a chance, and neither did his guests, to dodge what would come up next.

"Let the spectacle astound you" .A simple, yet delicate push of the left arm, a small gentle grasps of the Artemis' chin, and one short but sweet kiss, left everyone shocked. Artemis was left with a jumble of emotions to sort through, but how would the reaction come out?

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**CLIFF HANGER XD WOOT!**


	12. Queen Anne's Revenge

Disclaimer: Yup! You guessed it. Not mine and I don't want to be sued.

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A simple, yet delicate push of the left arm, a small gentle grasps of Artemis' chin, and one short but sweet kiss, left everyone shocked. Artemis was left with a jumble of emotions to sort through, but how would the reaction come out?

A third of him wanted to wipe that smile of the other boys face, another wanted to storm out in rage, but the other was trying to come up with a snide remark. But none of these 'sides' could do anything; they all were too stunned to actually carry out their individual plan of action. So, when reality indeed came crashing into Artemis, the reaction was quiet muddled.

Steffen was bashed into the floor; while Artemis made the dirtiest glare he could muster and gracefully removed himself from Steffen's limbs. Sprawled before him, Artemis stared down, taking in his many options. First, verbal reprimanding, and then, he would indeed stock off to formulate a plan for revenge.

"You'll regret that." Weak, he knew, but that's all he could say without creating too much drama. Walking off would be enough to spark a few rumors.

Steffen called after him, "No time to decide what to do! You have to do things your own way, You'll have to find out the hard way." However, his voice was lost to Artemis.

It seemed all too easy for him to be able to glide up the stairs away from the humiliating position Steffen had sent him into. He was going to get the other boy back, don't you fret, he would just bide his time. He felt no need to be the better person and walk away from the situation. Steffen had declared war, and Artemis was not known to let a challenge slip by.

He found himself storming around with the aura of storming. He was directing his storming self into his room. He did not, however, slam his door or even throw himself upon his bed to scream. No, he was not going to be driven into a fit of rage and sulking, instead, he would meditate to the situation out. He'd think about the best possible way to get revenge, and how the plan would involve a very large crowd.

Locking his door he was able to rest next to his bed. Artemis knew he would not be able to truly reach a plane of absolute inner peace, but he did not need peace. All he needed was a spark and he'd be off. But first the horse before the cart. He had to recreate what happened on the dance floor in his mind so he could move on and move past the situation. Slowly he steadied his breathing and collected his thoughts. Soon he was running through the many possibilities that could have happened, and many of the possibilities led him to one fact that he would forever try to forget: he had been at fault.

It was simple really, he had insisted on tripping his accompaniment; who then had decided that it would be best if he went down as well. The fall would have sufficed, that could be made to look as an accident, a repercussion to the kick, but the kiss had been over board. But, he had already established that, so it was really a waste of time to linger on the thought.

It cannot be said how long he sat there, plotting and planning another boys demise. It was quiet awhile before a knock brought him back to the present. Artemis sighed as he gathered himself up once more and listened for the knock again. Strangely enough, the knock did not sound from the door, but the window. Artemis was once again thrown into a jumble of thoughts and feelings.

Half of him was glad while the other half was thinking sarcastically about the timing. It seemed to him, that many clichés were popping up way more often than most people would deem necessary and proper. Raising himself from the floor he strode to the window and unlocked it.

"Come on in Holly." She already had permission to enter his manor, but it was the polite thing to do and Artemis was not impolite in the least bit. He was only frank when the situation called for such an approach.

"Well mud-boy" the term was not longer harsh, but sort of a nickname. "How was the party? Meet any cute mud-girls?"

"No Holly, I met no one." Artemis turned toward her and chewed on the back of his pen.

"You sure met that other mud-boy." Artemis sighed, but stayed calm.

Artemis settled at his desk, beginning some of his summer homework. "I've met him before. In fact he is the so called 'friend' that I've told you about." Just because he is a genius, did not mean that he would do his homework as soon as he got it, you're all thinking Hermione Granger, and it's long been deemed that this is indeed Artemis Fowl the Second.

"Well, I would never expect you to be THAT friendly with him." Holly snickered at this as Artemis grew a little redder in the cheeks, but kept his cool. "So, how did it happen, Artemis?"

"I'm sure if you saw the kiss you saw the fall Holly." Artemis was becoming frank with her, which was not a turn for the better. "I'm starting to wonder how you became part of the LEP."

Holly crossed her legs and smiled, leaning closer to the mud-boy, seeing if she could pry anything out of the young mud-man. "Well now, I thought, in all your mud-men tales, that if the beast was kissed that he'd turn into a prince. I'm waiting."

"If anything, this so called beast would be very bitter and have the one who kissed them killed." Holly raised her brow at him. "Which isn't a bad, but very rash, idea. But, enough about me, what about you?"

"Nothing much, I was just passing by and thought I might check up on you."

"You're going to complete the ritual." He filled in for her, knowing that this was the only reason she would be allowed to surface due to her civilian life.

"And making sure you're at home when I do." She joked about their first 'meeting'.

"I will never live that down."

"Along with a few other things." Holly's ears twitched, she was picking up noises from the hallway. Artemis watched her listening. "Careful Artemis, I don't want to have to completely rely on Mulch for everything."

With that Holly was gone and Artemis was left to his own device. The noises in the hall had pasted. Artemis, though, knew better. Any minute his parents would barge into his room, trying to see if there was anything they could do, or, perhaps it would be Steffen.

Maybe he would come and apologize for what he had done, though, Artemis doubted this at all. Steffen did not seem to be the sort that would apologize for what he did, whatever that may have been.

Artemis left his room, striding down the hallway and onto the stairway. Somehow, time had passed greatly and most of the guests had flitted off after thanking the Fowls for their wonderful hospitality. Artemis was glad that the flock of girls had left or could not be found anywhere within his sight. As he scanned the room he caught his mother's eyes, and Angeline smiled reassuringly at him, almost drawing him towards her. But, he resisted and continued probing the crowd and happened upon someone he had not seen present themselves.

They had met once, upon a morning of horsemanship and insults. An O'Conelly, though, Artemis could not remember if it were Kevin, Patrick, or Conner. The other boy was surrounded with a shawl of authority and demanded, simply by his presence, respect and admiration. A natural born leader.

If the boy noticed Artemis' stare, he did not show it, but continued to speak with another guest, chuckling lightly and speaking occasionally. Artemis found himself moving down the stairs and toward the boy, until he felt a sharp jab and someone leading him the other way. Artemis did not even need to think who had done it.

"It's best not to fraternize with the enemy" Steffen's voice was lowered as he dragged Artemis off in another direction.

Artemis replied coolly, "Then why am I with you.".

"Keep your friends close." Steffen turned sharply and almost sending Artemis out of balance. "but you enemies closer."

"You realizes those two statements contradict themselves. Of course you do. You're not a stupid as you look." He almost snapped back.

"If we were going by looks you would have taken first." Steffen stepped out into the gardens and into the small hedge maze. Artemis had figured his way out years ago, and was debating on leaving Steffen there all alone. Before he could finalize his plans, Steffen dropped his arm and turned to Artemis. Artemis conjured up one of his worst scowls.

"Oh don't even try it Fowl, it makes you seem like a child. Look, I'm not going to apologize for what I did." Artemis continued to stare, not dropping the look on his face for a second, while Steffen continued on. "But, I want you to understand is that that kiss meant nothing."

Artemis narrowed his eyes and sneered. "To have you tell me it means nothing makes it as though it does."

"Artemis." Steffen rubbed his temples and sighed. "As true as that might seem, it's not. My eyes fall on someone else."

"Why did you do it then?" The night was growing late, and it was noticeable that both boys had had enough mind bobbling adventures.

"Well, mostly to see how you reacted, and another to teach you something. Though, if I told you what it was, it would become a useless lesson." Steffen had begun to wander back into the house, but paused and turned back to Artemis. "Honestly Artemis, are you just going to stand there like one of your statues, or are you going to join our human ranks and have a little fun?"

Artemis shook his head and glanced out into the maze, where something caught his eye. He turned back toward the house, only to see that his movements had perplexed Steffen, and the other boy was giving him the dumb look. Artemis just continued up the lighted path and both boys entered the house.

It was safe to say that the mud-boy was in good hands, Holly confirmed. He would soon learn that he could shape his own mud-man fairytale. And perhaps, this would give Holly the chance to pop in on him more often. Although, she reminded herself, this is Artemis Fowl and you never know what to expect.

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**Score for Holly pie. Wootage. She'll be making more pop-ins and drop-bys in future chapters.**


	13. Kick the Can

Disclaimer: I cry at night because people imagine this stuff before me. Not that I could ever come up with Artemis Fowl or something, just saying. So please don't sue.

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It had been weeks until the two settled the score, and a few more weeks until Angeline Fowl had calmed down enough to actually let her son leave the house. Artemis had cooled down considerably. Over the phone he and Steffen had many a meeting; most of them were condensed into a span of two weeks worth into 3 days. Unfortunately, for both boys, each of them was not only busy, but they also seemed more inclined not to talk, and if they did, it usually ended up becoming a game of out wit and out play.

It was raining that day and Artemis would once again be cooped up with the boy inside s house. He never once got to have the weather on his side. As usual Emil opened the door, smiled at Mrs. Fowl and Butler, and ushered Artemis in. From upstairs, you could hear a continual pounding and, as Artemis would listen to it for a while, actually had a beat. After about three minutes, it would change to a new set of thumps and bumps.

Artemis listened as he followed Emil up onto the third floor. Both boys walked back into the black and white room that he had met the other Fitzpatrick children. Although, this time it only consisted of Seth, Steffen, and Li ana and they (as before) seemed to be pre-occupied with something. Emil sighed softly, and disappeared out into the hall, silently closing the door behind Artemis.

Artemis could only watching Li ana and Steffen pounce around on a small pad. From the point he was standing at, he could not figure out what exactly they were doing. He did understand that they were hitting a mat that was sending signals to the TV in front of them.

"Hello Artemis, you're just in time." Seth smiled at Artemis and took a sip from his cup. "I'm guessing you've never played Dance Dance Revolution before."

"Ha, he hasn't," Artemis noticed Steffen grumbling and bashing the mat into oblivion. "ever seen one."

"Your brother was kind enough to mention it once." Artemis turned his attention back to Seth.

"As you can see, the whole point of the game is to get the arrows to match up." Seth pointed from the mat's arrows to the screen, where small multicolored arrows would run up the screen. "There are different levels of course: Light, Standard, and Heavy."

Both Steffen and Li ana were able to move gracefully to the beat, and still deal out a devastating kick to the pad. Artemis began to wonder how many mats they went through in a week. After the song, both Li ana and Steffen stepped off of the mats and took gulps of water from their respective glasses. Seth set his own cup down and slid onto the mat that Li ana had been dancing on.

"Are you coming Artemis?" Seth started setting up 'versus' mode on the game. Artemis, remembering what happened last time he danced with a Fitzpatrick, thought it was best to decline the offer.

"No thank you Seth." Artemis then interrupted Steffen before he could get his two cents in. "and I will not be conned into it."

"What? Are you afraid of a little foot eye coordination?" Steffen was still able to get in what he needed to say.

Li ana was rolling up her knee-highs. "Rock, paper, and scissors it you morons. But if you play it will be an adventure!"

Li ana popped up and Seth choked on his drink, "Well, I'd hate to break your heart Artemis, but once you call an adventure, you have to do it."

"The only thing that can over power an adventure is a veto or a pock-" Li ana was cut off by a pillow smashing into her face.

Gracefully he crossed his arms and started to lean on one foot. "To bad I pocket veto that idea."

"To bad it's legal in China." Steffen was too busy trying to silence his sister by smothering her face with a pillow.

"This isn't China. Therefore it wouldn't matter." Artemis narrowed his eyes as he watched Steffen get attacked by his younger sister.

"Actually, due to the fact that China does have closely regulated laws, it is an accurate statement. Therefore it does over power a pocket veto, because it was said after the pocket veto." Seth adjusted himself and smiled back at Artemis, who in turn, was calculating how fast he could get out of the house.

"Artemis, it would be a lot easier on us and yourself if you just played the game." Li ana got one sucker punch in and ran behind Seth before Steffen could grab her hair. "We won't let Steffen do anything to it."

Artemis suspected Steffen had told them of their little 'slip', but was not about to let anything out. "What would he do?"

"Just bump your level to standard or heavy." Seth replied, setting his drink away from the game and started to pick his player. "But, it does screw with your head when that happens."

"That is to assume that I go along with the plan."

Li ana shouted out again, "do it like you just don't care!"

"Well, I know you are, because to assume something makes an ass out of you and me." Steffen was growing impatient and Artemis was enjoying it. "Alright, I bet you 30 Euros that you can't get an A on light."

Artemis did not believe himself getting conned and/or bribed into playing this dancing game, he was just broadening his horizons and fattening his wallet. Artemis untied his shoes, set them besides the couch, and slipped onto the pad. Placing his feet on in the middle and allowing Seth to actually explain to him what to do, Artemis watched the screen as he picked his player.

Well, it would be an exaggeration to say that Artemis failed, it was more like he bombed. You know the type of moment. The one where you know you're going to do horrible, and you do, only ten times as bad as you thought you were going to. It seemed it would take a miracle to get his feet on the right arrow at the exact time.

It also did not help when both Li ana and Steffen were in the background cracking up, as though comedy central had been turned on instead of this game. Gathering himself together and staying calm, he awaited the next song, and the next, and another, and one after that.

This continued for quite some time and he was nearly exhausted. Seth and Li ana had switched out a while ago because Seth had begun to perspire and it was ruining his shirt. Artemis was sure Steffen had fallen asleep or lost his voice from laughing too much.

While waiting for a song to be chosen Artemis glanced at his watch. An hour had passed by and he still had no luck with moving past an E. He would not give up though. He'd almost got the timing down and he was no longer keeping his feet in the center of the pad, but resting them on the arrows. This seemed to help, but he could not predict nor memorize the pattern of the songs that played. It was easy to say that this game was frustrating him, but he would allow it no victory.

Picking her song, Li ana settled into place and Artemis once again started to watch the screen. Bump bump bump…dunna dana nunana…dananaaaa…bump bump bump…wait. That was it. The arrows matched the beat that was playing in the back ground. Artemis sneered and started to move to the groove.

This new revelation did not earn him his A however. It would send him up to a C and sometimes a B, but never the A that was needed. It would not be until Steffen replaced Li ana (who was called away by the sudden arrival of her elder sister) that Artemis would dance it out and become victorious in earning his A.

When Steffen chose the song, Artemis could already figure out the beat. He immediately realized that it was just a re-mix of the ever so popular 'Can-Can', and began his combo rack up.

Unfortunately for Artemis, another beat came into the song, one that was almost familiar, but totally off from the song. Why in all that was mathematical and probable would there be something similar to the tune of 'Changes' playing in the background of the Can-Can? Artemis tried to ignore it and continued to dance, until he felt a vibration in his pocket, and it dawned on him.

Personally he had just had one of the most embarrassing moments in his life. He didn't realize someone was calling him. So, instead of stopping in the middle of the game (he had started up a new combo) to answer his cell phone, Artemis continued to hop around on the dance pad, simultaneously talking to the person who had called him.

"Artemis Fowl speaking." Artemis huffed into the phone, letting his competitive side take over.

"Artemis darling? Are you alright? You sound tired…are you in the middle of something?" Angeline was worrying about her son.

"Artemis! Calm down or you're going to break it." Steffen yelled, risking a quick glance at the other boy. Artemis stayed focused both on the phone and on the mat.

He missed the left arrow. "I'm in the middle of something mother."

Angeline was gripping the phone, as if her life depended on what was being said through the other line "Oh, well, I was worried. What are you doing?"

"Fucking h-."

"Dancing." Artemis cut off Steffen before his mother could hear what horrid language usually spilled from this new 'friend's' mouth.

"That's nice dear." She paused and Artemis stopped hopping around and waited for his total to add up. "…well, Butler and I am going to pick you up in about three hours alright?"

"Alright."

"Okay, bye Arty! I love you."

"Good bye mother." And with that he shut his phone and turned to see what his score was. His eyes narrowed dangerously and he glared at the television, hoping that somehow his stare would either change it, or break the confounded thing. Neither happened, but that's so much for wishful thinking. Taking his post once more and slipping his phone into his pant's pocket, Artemis and Steffen resumed the game with out further interruptions.

There were a few moments in time that he had lost his combo and his beat, but he was able to recover quickly. It was on '321 Stars' that he was able to earn his A. He was exhausted and glad that he could finally rest.

"Remind me I owe you money at the end of the day." Steffen nodded his head slightly as he and Artemis sunk into the couch "But at this moment in time I don't think I can even move."

Artemis tried to stretch his legs out on the couch, but Steffen was taking the whole thing up with his own limbs. Every time Artemis was actually able to stretch out his legs and not touch Steffen, Steffen seemed to attack them by resting his own on top of Artemis'. This continued for quite sometime, Artemis trying to knock Steffen's attacking feet off the couch, and Steffen trying to shove them back under the other boy's own. Neither heard Temair enter the room, until she spoke.

"You two, lunch is ready. You can come and have some when you are done playing footsies." Temair smiled at the two as they peered around the couch, well, it was more of them glaring and Temair peering. She was dressed in a washed-out yellow sundress with her hair tied back in a pony tail.

* * *

Both Steffen and Artemis stumbled down the stairs and spilled out into the dinning room ready for lunch. Today they were dining on toasted cheese sandwiches and a light salad. Orange juice, water, and milk were set out on the table next to a bowl of fruit. Artemis slipped into the chair a crossed from Steffen and was facing the window.

Li ana was next, followed by Seth and Emil, who were deep in conversation about something. So, when they approached the table both Seth's deep voice and Emil's sporadic gesturing ceased to be. Temair twirled into the room and set down the different assortment of dressing that she had gone to get.

Emil took a seat on Artemis' right, while Temair sat on Artemis' left. Seth sat a crossed from Emil as both boys withdrew a pad and paper, and began their conversation anew.

"So Artemis, did you enjoy playing that dancing game?" Temair started to serve the food out respectfully and carefully. She had grace and power amongst her siblings, the two older boys would listen to her if she directed them to do something. Even Steffen would listen to her command, grumbling about it maybe, but would fulfill her wish no less.

"It was interesting to say the least." Artemis said this softly, not speaking to her as he would Steffen or anyone else. She represented the mother figure, the matriarch of the family, so she deserved his acknowledgement and almost his respect.

"Well, I am glad you did not twist your ankle." She nibbled on her sandwich, while, Steffen seemed to eat like a heathen. His face was in the process on getting cheese all over it from the sandwich. "That poor boy, how is he doing, Steffen?"

"…" Steffen held up a finger to signal that he needed a minute to swallow. "He actually is living with Artemis, so you should ask him."

Before Temair could ask the question, or even set down her sandwich to talk, Artemis replied. "He's fine. He seems to have survived the mishap without any trauma."

"That's good. He was a very nice boy." She tool a sip of water with her pinky extended. "Why do you not invite him over Steffen?"

"One, he lives in Belgium. Two, his mother is out to kill me. Three, his mother is trying to save Emil's soul by turning him into a hard core Catholic. But, he'll probably stop by in a while…" Steffen took the time to actually set his sandwich down, count off the reasons, and then wipe his face.

"What are you two plotting?" Temair nearly intercepted one of the notes, but Emil skillfully flung into Seth's face.

Steffen looked at Artemis and nodded to the orange juice "Could you please pass that orange juice to me Artemis? Thank you." He then looked back at Temair and intervened with her battalion of questions with mockery of his own "They're not supposed to tell you Temair, otherwise it wouldn't be a secret."

"Obviously." Seth never looked up from his writings but adjusted his glasses and gave a little smile.

"Obviously." Steffen replied, rolling his eyes and pouring himself a glass of juice.

"Obviously." Li ana echoed her elder brothers as she tapped her hand on the table.

"…..Obviously." All three of them replied, looking at each other and rolling their eyes. Artemis lifted his brows, perhaps this was another strange rule that occurred within the household.

"Oh my, we have not explained the 'Obviously' game to Artemis." Temair exclaimed.

"We explained the adventure rules earlier though." Li ana piped up as she poured a massive amount of Ranch dressing all over her salad.

"Alright, the Obviously game goes like so. When someone exclaims 'Obviously' then two other people must do the same." Seth nudged Steffen and pointed to the vinegar and oil dressings as he explained the rules. "And then after five seconds they say it all together. Usually the last person does the counting."

Artemis just nodded. He really didn't have very much to add to the conversation or about what strange rules were happening and going on in the household. So he decided to occupy himself with the food that was in front of him.

"Artemis, your cloths are soaked, would you like another pair?" Temair fussed with him as she would with Emil or Li ana. "Steffen let him use one of your washed shirts."

"Alright, he can use it after we finish lunch." Steffen didn't look up from his third helping of sandwiches. Artemis was more prone to say no, but, having dried sweat form on his body was not an appealing idea to him.

The conversation continued on for a good while. Steffen and Emil cleared the table and Seth brought out a board game, 'Othello'. Artemis was very pleased with the selection and allowed Seth to set up the board.

It wasn't long until Artemis had gained all the corners, and a victory. Steffen and Emil looked on as both the boys battled it out. Artemis rather enjoyed the challenge, it seemed Seth was able to keep up with him and in a few instances thwart his plans to take a vertical or horizontal row. In the end Artemis won, hands down, but it was a very well played game. Both boys shook hands in sportsmanship.

Artemis tilted his head at Steffen while the other boy just gave him a look. "What, you actually think that I'm gonna play a strategy game? Are you fucking serious?"

"As a heart attack." Artemis folded his hands in front of him and looked at the other boy. Steffen was rolling his eyes at the idea. "Please don't tell me you think you're above a mere game of Othello."

"Actually, I'm not. I couldn't play that game to save my life."

"And just a few hours ago I hadn't discovered how to rack up a 110 combination." Artemis took a sip of his water and set it gently on to the table, never taking his eye off of Steffen.

Steffen seemed undaunted, and continued to amuse himself in other ways, "Unless you're willing to loose 50 Euros, then you're out of luck."

And as lady luck herself would have it, Steffen was saved from the horrible torture of playing a game of Othello, due to the ringing of the doorbell. Rising to the occasion, Steffen sprung from his chair to see who it could be, but Temair had already welcomed them in and she directed them into the other living room.

Artemis saw Steffen freeze, and then dash up the stairs and then back down again with something in tow. Artemis nodded, and took the extra shirt that was thrown at him as he walked into the bathroom.

Buttoning and slipping out of the bathroom Artemis was now presentable to his mother, and Steffen was able to get away from the suspicious pair that had come to rescue their Artemis in distress. Well, that's the way Steffen thought of it in his head.

Angeline Fowl threw herself around her son, hugging him tightly and then pushing him out in front of her to beam at him, "Oh Artemis! How was your day."

"Exhausting mother," Mrs. Fowl's eyes widened a bit, so Artemis slowly added, "and educational as well."

Artemis began to fold the sweaty shirt neatly as he and his guardians walked to the front door. He never noticed Steffen until it was too late, and the other boy's arm had been slung around his neck. Butler had noticed and sent death stares at the young blond, who, in turn ignored him and proceeded to whisper something in Artemis' ear and slip a few bills into the other boy's hand.

"Here's the money I owe you from this morning." Artemis rolled his eyes as Steffen winked at Mrs. Fowl, who, having come up with her own assumptions, fainted. Butler was able to catch her before her legs had time to give out.

"Mother?" Artemis was at her side in an instant.

"I'll get her some water." Steffen then hurried off to rummage through the pantries, while Butler lightly shook Mrs. Fowl to her senses. Slowly she came around.

Checking her pulse Artemis talked to his mother. "Mother, what is the matter?"

"Oh Artemis…it's nothing…never mind." Mrs. Fowl gracefully gathered herself up and dusted off what little fear she had. "I've just been on my feet to long. We should hurry home."

"Here is a glass of water before you go Mrs. Fowl." Steffen appeared beside her and handed the water to her, and she took it rather shakily, daintily draining its contents.

"Thank you, we must be off" and with that, Artemis and Butler were hustled out of the house and into the car without another word. Artemis was rather glad to leave as he slipped the money into his pocket, and there was no doubt in his mind why his mother truly did faint. He didn't look back on the house as they drove off, in stead, weariness overtook him and he fell into a dreamless sleep against the car window.

* * *

**I'm running out of things to say.**


	14. Salty Dog

Disclaimer: Yes. I hate PETA. Shut up.

* * *

Artemis glared at Steffen out of the corner of his eye. The other boy had been trying to write a hate song to the American based 'stop killing the animals' PETA organization. Though, to Artemis, the boy was failing horribly. Perhaps that was the point; it would be ironic for the song to suck so bad because within it the song stated that the organization itself sucked.

Artemis continued to try and ignore his 'companion' while in the process of finishing Wuthering Heights. But, alas, that was getting nowhere fast because he was also keeping his eye on the few horses that were roaming beside him.

It was a lovely day; the bright sun was threatening to tan Artemis under the trees branches and the sky was blue with only a few clouds daring to sail the sea. The two boys had situated themselves under a few trees and next to a river pool. The scene would have been perfect, if, the pool was actually unoccupied.

Instead, Li ana was busy trying to swim up stream, and Sean was content to jumping off the rope swing to try and beat Philo's record. This noise could be tolerated, but as soon as Steffen had started to mumble, it had become irritating. First, the lyrics were horrible, two, there was not tune, and third, Artemis knew Steffen wasn't even trying.

"That song, if you can even call is that, is horrible." Artemis turned the page in book.

Steffen stretched out into the sun and adjusted his sunglasses. "I know, but I really needed to write a PETA hate song. I stumbled onto their site the other day, and I think a part of my soul was killed."

Artemis continued to read until a sudden cry brought both of the boy's attention to the swimming hole.

"STEFFEN! STEFFEN! ARTEMIS! I CAN'T FIND SEAN!" Li ana's shrieks brought both boys to the pool's edge. Steffen started to take his shoe off as they dashed to the ledge to see what was going on.

Li ana was swimming around in the middle where Sean had last jumped. She was swimming around panicked, trying to dive to find her brother. Artemis wanted to yell to them to stay calm, but even he started to become giddy.

"Stay there Li ana! We'll be down in just a moment." And right then, Artemis could have sworn she smiled.

"Yeah you will." And that was all he heard before Steffen swore and he felt two hands on his back, shoving him forward into the cool pool.

The first thing that connected with the liquid was his face, and lucky for him, he snorted the water out. As soon as he went under, enveloped by the cold, he opened his eye and blew out some air to see which way the air rose. Then, he kicked with all his might and broke the surface. Turning to see where Steffen had fallen, he could not see the other boy. Then it grabbed him literally. The boy was under him, and was pulling him under. Artemis was seething inside, and tried to kick Steffen's hand away and in succeeding, he made diagonal line for the surface.

Poor Artemis did not stop to look back for Steffen, he continued to swim to shore where he was able to watch Sean, Li ana, and Emil bust out laughing.

"That-that was amazing! I thought," Sean was paused and tried to breathe as he laughed. "You of all people…Fowl…you would have seen it coming."

"Well, apparently I have miss-placed my trust." This retort just brought about another round of giggles and squeals from the crowd before him.

Sean threw an extra towel at the dripping boy. "Live a little Artemis!" Steffen continued to play around in the water. Artemis noticed that Steffen would swim down to the bottom, and shoot off of it, rocket in to the air like a whale, and come smashing down like one too. "Come on, you're already wet."

"I do not swim." Emil rolled his eyes at Artemis' reply making a motion of almost smacking his head, and gesturing to the water.

"That means, 'looks like you can'" Li ana pointed out. Artemis spread the towel out on the beach to dry him self in the sun. Sean passed him the sun screen.

"Well, looks aren't everything you know." Artemis drenched him self with the sun screen. Emil chuckled a little and started to make a mud castle with Kelli, who was no longer interested in the crawdad that was fleeing from her clutches.

Artemis watched as Sean and Steffen played in the water. Both of them were trying to see who could shoot the farthest out of the water and make the biggest splash. Sometimes one of the two would create such a gigantic wave spray would end up drenching the three on the shore. Artemis did not complain though, the liquid felt calming on his skin and he was able to bask in the sunlight. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kelli and Emil mixing in the drier dirt with the wet mud to make it more suitable to use as mud-castle building.

Time passed and soon they were packing up in the late afternoon. It was hard to drag Kelli away from the riverside. She kept delaying their departure by running back into the water and swimming away from whoever came to get her. It took both boys to pull her away from place.

Emil rode with Sean, while Li ana rode with Steffen. Once again Artemis was placed on Robin and she was more than happy to follow in between the two other horses. Artemis did not have to direct Robin where to go, she just followed the horse in front of her, ignoring any traffic that passed her.

It took about half an hour, Artemis had giving up watching the time, until they were all inside the gates and un-tacking. Steffen and Li ana worked hard together to get their horse un-tacked, while Sean worked by himself, and Emil worked besides Artemis. Artemis was still having issues with the girth. He could never lift it just right so that the buckles would slide out of the leather. Emil on the other hand, just heaved up, and it was over.

"Hey, someone's coming down the road." Sean leaned against one of the support beams in the front of the barn doors. "It's good to see the old man's getting along with your father Artemis."

Artemis paused but resisted the urge to run to see if his father had actually managed to walk through the many hills and dips in the road. He continued to groom Robin as if Sean had said nothing. Everyone could now hear the conversation that the two gentlemen were engaged in. Mr. Fitzpatrick was explaining America's HR 503 IH bill to Mr. Fowl, who in turn, seemed very concerned.

"…it really is a shame that America is destroying something it worked hard to protect."

"Yes, ones morals should never be pushed aside for greed." Both men stepped into the barn, and no one really took an interest in them and continued with their work. Though, just because no one took interest in them, did not mean that they would not speak to them-they'd just have to jump into the conversation.

"You know, every time I hear 'they through a rope around your neck to watch you dance the jig of death' makes me think of King Lear." Steffen added, as the song played on. "And it really pisses me off because after 'A thousand Acres' I was done with the whole, 'death, suicide, and Filial ingratitude.'"

Artemis rolled his eyes, "I'm surprised you understood that text."

"Ha! Him, willingly read Shakespeare and like it? Never! He probably used No Fear." Sean snickered as he waltz into the tack room.

"You mean the blue books" Li ana asked, the two eldest men just watched as the younger ones teased each other.

"Hey, I got an A on that test didn't I? Yeah, shut up." Steffen threw a hoof pick at Sean, who dodged back into the tack room just as he was emerging. The hoof pick made a dull thunk as in landed in the grooming bucket in Sean's hand. "Two points!"

"How was the trip?" Artemis Sr. asked as he rested on one the benches inside the barn.

"Too short." Li ana shouted from the tack room. She had been given the duty of dipping bits and sweeping out the tack room.

"It was truly an adventure, wasn't it Steffen?" Sean called, slipping the halter around his bay's head and connecting the lead rope to the hoop.

Steffen gave his horse one last look over and handed Artemis' halter to him. "Huh, it would have been better if I hadn't gotten wet."

"I concur." Slipping the halter over Robin's head was much easier this time. It seemed she knew that the pasture was the next stop.

"No, you should be thanking us. We were worried you couldn't swim!" Artemis rolled his eyes yet again as he heard Li ana speak.

Turning his bay around, Sean told the two other men that they were going to put the horses into the pasture if they wanted to come. Steadily and without help, Fowl Sr. stood up and once again began walking besides Mr. Fitzpatrick. Artemis led Robin right behind Sean's horse with Steffen behind him. Li ana had bounced up to Mr. Fitzpatrick and was telling the story of how they had all helped push Artemis and Steffen into the water. How she had pretended to panic that Sean went under, and Sean and Emil had pushed Artemis and Steffen in.

"That sounds like the little boy who cried wolf." Mr. Fitzpatrick eyed her as she clung to his hand. "What's the moral of that story again, Li ana?"

"Don't…lie?" everyone was now just moments from the gate, and the horses were getting excited about being let out. As the bay waited for Sean to open the gate, he pawed at the earth and snorted. Robin just kept her cool; it seemed to Artemis that being old did have some advantage.

"Pfftt, that's crap. Obviously it's: never tell the same lie twice." Steffen called and Artemis smirked: Steffen did have a point. Sean released the halter and the bay trotted off to the far corner. Some other horses who were there were interested in the commotion up front. They came to check up on what it was.

It was Artemis' turn to let Robin out and he knew she had a tendency to kick up her heels and bolt as soon as the halter was off of her. So, leading her in and facing her straight towards the other horses, Artemis tugged the chinstrap and slipped the halter off. Sure as the sun does rise she took off, making a mad dash for the others as Artemis turned to leave the pasture.

He was just able to catch a gleam of admiration in his father's eye as he too his place next to Sean. Steffen was next, only his horse seemed less interested to go off and join the other. Instead, he thought it would be a good idea to try and leave through the open gate again. Steffen wasn't about to scare the horse away from the gate, so, Steffen just played a game. It was called "get away from the goddamn fence or I'll chase you" and it seemed to work.

Everyone felt relieved by the walk back up to the house. Unlike the morning before, they were not hassled by the "boarder patrol" and were able to somewhat enjoy the other's company. The Artemis, Emil, Li ana, Sean and Steffen led the way as the two older men took their time, once again loosing themselves in conversation.

Artemis had gotten used to all the walking they did, the riding in coarse jeans, and the dancing. He had gotten used to Steffen's swearing, Emil's silence, and everything else. Though, no matter how he tried (he was trying now) he could not see Steffen as a friend, and not someone he'd risk his life for. He felt a slight weigh change because of pressure on his shoulder. "Steffen, remove your arm from my shoulder."

"Oh don't be such a baby." Artemis glared at the other boy, but soon stopped to see him crumple as Emil whipped around, hand on hip with his small cheeks puffed out.

"Don't worry about him" Sean had started walking backwards "he just said the wrong thing and paid for it."

Artemis watched as Steffen regained his composure and stood, glaring dangerously at Emil's back. Now, this got Artemis to think about something, because that something wasn't right.

Of course, Emil was anything but spoiled. It just was strange to Artemis and the awkwardness never left him as they walked back to Steffen's house. Once again, Steffen's arm was around his shoulder, but before he could protest, Steffen cut him off. "Listen, I'm going to pick you up tomorrow, because personally, I think it's time you and the Chrysler Sebring LX had a heart to heart."

Artemis was not impressed. "I was wondering what was burning."

"Ha ha, as well as your mind may have developed, your motor skills are about as good as my father's and Johns combined." Steffen and Artemis began to climb the small set of steps up onto the patio.

Artemis wiped off his shoes on the mat and stepped through the door that was held open for him. "I know how to work a standard"

Steffen almost shut the door on Mr. Fitzpatrick and almost got away with locking it. "Knowing is great, but can you do it, is the really question."

"What are you planning up there Steffen?" Mr. Fitzpatrick's voice cut through the glass as he easily pushed the door back on Steffen, pinning the boy in the corner with the door, and holding the door in place with his foot. Steffen just stood there and glared.

"Hey! We weren't born in a barn. Shut the door old man." Sean chimed as Mr. Fitzpatrick shut the door and escorted the Fowls to the front door. Artemis was not sure he wanted the next day to come.

Settling into the car he watched as Butler shifted into first and then into second, and tried to answer all of his father's questions at the same time.

"Do you ride regularly?"

"No, we've only gone about twice" Butler shifted into neutral and then into fifth.

"Do you like it"

"I don't hate it." Butler passed another car and changed lanes.

"What was the horse's name?"

"Robin."

"Do you know the slaughter horses in America?"

"No." he wanted to answer 'and I don't really care' but somehow he knew he'd be lying. "But it is inevitable. Where do the horse-flesh eating countries get the meat?"

"True, but American's themselves despise the eating of horse flesh. They have laws preventing the sale of horse flesh within the borders and the eating of it."

"So they're compromising their values, man kind has been doing that for years. It really isn't something new to mankind." He took to sipping on a water bottle as his father and he settled into a silence.

"Well, thank goodness for those that keep them, hmm?" it wasn't a sting, or even the tone for reprimanding; but it felt like it. Artemis hunkered down and watched the landscape change as they got closer to home. He was no longer interested in learning to drive or be involved in a debate. He just wanted to lay there and think about what went on that day. Replaying the new set of memories in his head, he was able to rest.

* * *

**Yay! Water is so much fun. Slaughter makes me emo.**


	15. Becuase We Can

Disclaimer: Repeat! Anyways, this is revised as of September 3rd, 2007. Enjoy.

* * *

"Gently let off the clutch…" CRACK Steffen's forehead once again hit the dash, Butler tried not to look amused, and Mr. Fowl had to duck his head in an attempt to make it seem as though he was coughing and not laughing. "If you're such a god damn fucking genius, then what does 'gently' mean?"

"Do you want the Webster or Oxford definition?" Artemis pressed the clutch in, made sure the car was in first, and started it up again.

Looking at the car you would never have guessed who was inside. Sure Chrysler Sebring LXes were supposed to look nice, but it seemed (or so the story had gone) that some how John had gotten a hold of it. Translation: the car (named Michael) was smashed, crashed, bashed and returned home in multiple pieces over a week-sent with love from the eldest Fitzpatrick child. The black paint was chipped and you now had to physically roll up the windows. There were multiple cracks and chips in all the windows and you couldn't even count the dents that covered the body. The car ran well though, the gears were up to speed and there was no play in the wheel, but it looked like shit.

This was a good thing really, especially for Artemis. He had already backed into his dad's Mercedes and ended up scratching more than just his father's pride. He also succeeded in giving his mother a heart attack as she watched the three gents TRY to leave the driveway. But no real damage was done, seeing as the car was only going one mile per every three hours, so Artemis was off the hook.

Steffen actually buckled his seatbelt before they tried to take off this time. "Okay, we're gonna do it this time"

"Excuse me, who has their foot on the clutch? Surely not the two of us." Sarcasm dripped from Artemis' lips.

"Shut up at listen for the transition." Steffen pushed himself farther back into his seat and gripped the bottom of his chair.

Instead of arguing back Artemis slowly let off the clutch (he already let off the break (1), revved the engine and sent Michael jumpin' and jivin' to his death: the middle of the road.

Steffen looked left and right. "You're lucky this is Tuesday because almost everyone is at work."

"Luck of the Irish." Artemis gave one of his infamous copy write smiles to the other boy as he shifted into reverse and then got out of first.

"Huh, you're an angry driver." The other boy didn't ever look at Artemis. Instead he was just staring out the window. It seemed Steffen had also lost interest with this activity.

Artemis tried to shift into second, but the car hissed at him. "I don't know what you mean."

"Push the clutch in!" doing so stopped the hissing and Artemis was ready to tootle his way around the country. "…you're so an angry driver. I bet you have kick ass road rage."

Artemis shifted into the third, and for awhile that was all that was needed. Artemis did notice, because the car would start to lug out, that you needed to be in a low gear to make it up a hill and second gear if you were taking a sharp turn. Artemis began to relax as he drove, resting in the seat and occasionally glancing in his mirrors. This calmness was interrupted as he felt Steffen's hand turning the wheel this way and that. Artemis made the classic mistake (2) of fighting with the other boy. Where did this get them? Over a valley and through some woods. Until Artemis slammed on the breaks and killed the ignition.

It was silent as the car crashed through the shrubs and through a few ditches. It was still silent as the car came to a stuttering stop. Artemis' adrenaline had surely shot up, Butler was gripping Steffen's seat, and Fowl Sr. had lost whatever color he had ever held. Steffen was the only one unscathed and looked as though he had just gotten off of one of the most exciting roller coaster in the history of man kind. Still, silence prevailed and not a single word was spoken. Artemis would be the one to destroy it though.

"What was that all about?" Artemis was careful not to snap, because that would have been very Steffen-ish thing to do. Artemis was Artemis. Not a Steffen.

"You were scaring me with your steering. One moment you were clinging to the left, and then we were on the right." Steffen nodded as he pointed out the reasons. "You almost lost the mirror on both sides."

Artemis adjusted the mirror. "So you tried to take the wheel."

"No, I simply tried to get you into a grove. You know what that is right?" a sigh followed Steffen's statement.

"Can we get back onto the main road from here?" Butler had already left the car to survey the damage.

"Yeah. Artemis just needs to turn around. If Michael can make it all the way here, he can make it back." Butler slipped back into the car and nodded in agreement with Steffen's previous surveillance.

Without further delay, Artemis started the car up, failed a few time, but then they had take off. On the Brightside of this, Artemis had (with out meaning to) gone on a path that didn't need four wheeling.

Sure there were moments that Artemis swore the car was going to get stuck, and that they would have to call a tower, but old faithful Michael made it up and over. And in about 30 minutes (compared to the 10 it took to get there) Artemis was able to navigate himself back onto the road: right in front of an Officer.

Once again the silence set in, and everyone waited for the sirens to go off. But all they saw was the blue lights flashing as Artemis made a great effort to pull over. Everyone was a little tense, and Steffen didn't help when he rolled down the window and yelled.

"So you've already fucked up the truck?" something incomprehensible was retorted. "So you've got Aidan driving you around now? Aww, isn't that cute? John can drive so his boyfriend Garda (3) has to do it."

"Garda isn't something to mock." Fowl Sr. sat up straight.

"That's true, but John's wide open." And by that time, sure enough the eldest Fitzpatrick child was there, ticket in hand.

John was by the car already. "Off roading already?"

"What? Are you worried about your record?" Steffen ducked back into the car. "Don't worry, he was on the road a lot longer than you'll ever manage to be."

"So, how high do you want this ticket?" John leaned on the window, his pen and paper were ready.

"Not very-" Artemis Sr. was almost able to get a full sentence in.

Steffen snuggled into the seat and rested his feet on the dash. "We'd prefer to stay out of your insurance cost."

"Driving without a license, off roading, and insulting an officer." The list was sure to go on.

Steffen smiled while John started to take notes on his pad. "Well, you know it's because we can." Artemis was going to kill Steffen after they got out of this.

"JOHN WE'VE GOT A ROBBERY AT MRS. O'HAILY'S HOUSE." Another mans voice seemed to stop all the bickering. John and Steffen had a brief staring contest before John marched off and into the passenger side with his partner and their Garda car raced off around the bend.

"Well Artemis, you can no longer say you are a car virgin Butler was once again trying not to look amused. His old age must have been getting the best of him. ".…or a cop virgin." That last line almost did him in.

"What makes you think I wasn't before?" Artemis was now home bound and looking forward to getting off the road and into his house. But, before they could even go 5 feet Steffen reached over and killed the ignition, but the car kept going.

"What are you doing?" Artemis gripped the wheel, ready for Steffen to try to help him 'steer'.

"Okay, all you have to do is clutch in start and going into 2nd and pop the clutch." Artemis twitched but did as the boy next him directed. And sure enough it worked, the car gave a slight groan but it kept going and he was able to shift into 3rd.

"That's if the ignition dies on you. I'm sure you figured that out." Artemis noticed Steffen was taking the more seriously than he usually did. Perhaps the boy thought driving wasn't something to be made fun of, but then, why had he harassed the cop. Artemis was sure that the boy did not just do it because it was his brother. No, he probably did that to every cop that pulled him over.

Once again, they settled into a silence. Steffen was staring out the windshield, Artemis was busy driving, and the two adults were too afraid to mess with Artemis' concentration to risk talking.

"When did you learn to drive?" Artemis was still a little tense under the wheel. But who isn't their first time?

"When I could touch the petals, Sean thought it would be fun." Artemis sensed the slight shrug. "I must admit…being able to pass my old man was worth every dish I washed for two months."

"You're father doesn't drive often, does he?" Artemis remarked, loosing his grip on the wheel.

"No, he usually is chauffeured around by Temair or Sean when they aren't working" Steffen stretched his arms out. "because he doesn't know how to drive."

"What does your brother Sean do for a living, he never seems to be a round as often." Fowl Sr. commented.

"Oh, he helps my father at the bank. It's the only way he keeps his other job, that's the reason you don't see him that much." Steffen snickered. "By the way, you need to take a left here"

Artemis flipped the blinker on, shifted into second and turned. "What about Philo?"

Steffen replied as he set his feet on the dash. "Works at the bank."

"Se-" the sentence was lost as a ringer cut it off.

"I CHIME IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEAR OF, CLOSING A GOD DAMN DOOR?" Steffen's legs flew off the dash and the boy was digging through his pocket. "NO?"

"Fucking phone, hello? What is it…Temair? Speak slower, I can't hear you." There was a long pause, and it seemed everyone was straining to hear what the woman was going on about. "Alright. I'll be there in 20 minutes. I've got to drop Artemis off. Do you want his whole family to come? Okay, I'll be there in 20." The phone snapped shut as Artemis pulled into the driveway.

"What's wrong?" The question came from Artemis' father.

"Nothing, she's just having one of her mother hen moments. We've got a party we have to get ready for." Artemis slid into a stop and successfully parked the car with out killing it. Everyone got out and stretched. It had been a tense afternoon, and everyone felt it. Artemis noticed Steffen shuffling through his pockets. "Fuck where is it? AH! Here we go."

Whipping out and presenting a white, green, and gold envelope to Artemis

"You, Artemis Fowl the Second, and your family are cordially invited to the Fitzpatrick Opening Ceremonies as well as to take part in the games." Steffen smiled at the boy and introduced Artemis to what it was for. "Everything you need to know should be in that envelope. But if it's not you can call me and ask."

Artemis accepted the invitation and nodded as Steffen flashed him a peace sign and dodged into car. "By the way, if you ever take up drag racing, let me know. I'll put my money on you." With quick smile, Steffen was back in the car and driving off. But Artemis was not watching how the boy drove.

He was watching the worry slip through Steffen's mask as he pulled out of Fowl manner. He even noticed that the boy drove in the opposite direction of his house. The one thing that stood out the most was the number of the phone call. Artemis had memorized all the Fitzpatrick's numbers, and the one Steffen claimed to be called from was neither.

Fowl Sr. turned to his son. "What does the letter say Arty?"

"ARTEMIS!" Whoosh: Angeline Fowl was squeezing her little boy to death.

Instinctively Artemis was able to somewhat keep his chest puffed. This gave him some space to breath…but not for long. "Hello….mother…"

"My dear, he just survived his first true drive. Do you really want to kill him after all he has survived." Fowl Sr. chuckled as he rested an arm around his wife.

Angeline clung tighter to her littler Arty. "I was worried."

"Why would you have to worry? You weren't in the car." Both men chuckled while Artemis struggled to free himself from his mother.

He was able to wave the invitation in front of his mother's face. "Mother, we've been invited to a special Fitzpatrick occasion."

Angeline gracefully let go of her son and received the envelope from her son's hand. Ushering everyone in, Angeline made sure they were all in the room: Butler, Fowl Sr., Artemis, and herself as she read the front of the envelope.

"My dear, this is to you. You should read it." Artemis nodded and took it back. Personally, he would have liked to read it alone and then he would have had the time to discard it before his parents were able to read it. But, it was either go to this event or be crushed to death. You usually choose the lesser of the two evils in a matter like this.

This is what the Fowl Family (including Butler) soon found out:

Dear Mr. Artemis the Second:

You and your family (Mrs. Angeline Fowl, Mr. Artemis Fowl the First, and Mr. Butler) are cordially invited to the following events:

Tomorrow night AKA Friday (because we know Steffen will be getting this to you on the day you read it): Open Ceremonies-casual dress with American food. Artemis the Second is more than welcome to spend the night.

Saturday: Football-everyone is invited to play and are encouraged to play. There will be two rounds played. Adults vs. Children and an O'Conelly and co. vs. Fitzpatrick and co. Please bring old clothing. Everyone is welcomed to spend the night. Festivities continue into the night

Sunday: Church. After church everyone is welcome to play a game of paintball. Then when the lights go out, Capture the flag for the kiddies is held on the grounds. Rules and regulations are given during this time. Adults are more than welcome to watch from the balcony. Everyone is welcomed to spend the night. This game usually last well into the morning.

Monday morning: Eventing. One fox hunt that is more like a search and rescue mission.

Monday Evening: Closing ceremonies and awards given out. Everyone is welcome to stay the night.

History: this is family rivalry thing-but unlike Romeo and Juliet-we know the problem and how it started. We would like you to come and join in the fun (not the dislike). Please understand that by accepting this invitation, you are taking one side for three days. After those three days you can flit with the enemy as much as you like, we really don't care. But this is like taking sides. By participating you will increase our chances of winning and having a good time.

We can't wait to see you! Hope you come

Elise Fitzpatrick and Jared Russell Fitzpatrick

And Silence once again descended amongst the Fowls and Butler.

* * *

**(1) Unlike my mother, Artemis has learned the trick of not riding the clutch. That means, instead of using the break to break, you use the clutch to break. This really messes up and wears out the clutch.**

**(2) My driving instructor did this to me, and I did the same as Artemis did. I crossed four lanes of traffic and almost took out a bus-I didn't fail the drive.**

**(3) An Garda Síochána- This is Ireland's Police force. John is part of the special detective (Gardai) Garda. This means he has all rights to carry a fire arm. He usually works solo due to his undercover ness, but due to his shitty driving (and motor cycles don't do well on gravel) he's hanging out with his partner Aidan the Garda (who usually is part of the mounted forces). These two work well together, and are pretty entertaining. Think Wakaba and Terezuma. http/ www. garda. ie/angarda /faq. Html take the spaces out and you can learn about them too!**

**HA! There we go! We're onto the games and we've finally found out a little more about Steffen's family and GASP! HIS MOTHER! Do you think Arty is going to do it? Who will be there? And what the hell is with this crazy Family? Can the Fowls survive this wild roller coaster…or will they be plunged into an even darker secret that could get them caught in a deadly game of cat a mouse more than they really are?**


	16. Rare Old Times

**Disclaimer: I am not equal to the ownership of Artemis Fowl. **

**Alright. Here you go. I know it is short, but it is a run down of the games thus far. Also, it may seem a little spread out and quick. There are only two games that I'm going into depth about because they are the most important. Woo Hoo! Also. Artemis, to you, may seem OOC. To me, he's not. Only because he's changing. He's loosing up. He's more willing to let loose. Doesn't mean he's not a tight ass, and doesn't mean he won't be the same hard ass that we know and love. He can be playful, and in this chapter that part of him comes out. This is up for debate, however, and that's fine. Debated me in an e-mail, not in the reviews because that's not a forum. **

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"Don't touch me." Artemis had just taken his seat and was not in a good mood. Steffen on the other hand was busy bouncing around with his cousin: Vaughn. 

It was deadly in the house with those two. They never seemed to settle down when they were with each other. When Artemis had first met Vaughn it had been quiet the incident.

* * *

"HEY STEFFEN! I'll pay you 20 bucks to wash my car." A woman had stepped into what Artemis had guessed was the front door. Artemis was up with the other boys in the music room. Her voice pierced the door with ease. Steffen and everyone else made a mad dash for the bottom floor. Artemis took his time with getting up and following the others. 

"Your American money is worthless here! How about you let me drive it?" Steffen slid to a halt as Artemis came around the hallway to see what was going on. "Where's Vaughn?"

She laughed. Her hair was black and her eyes were green. Her outfit consisted of jeans and a tank top. Her sunglasses were pushed up on the crown of her head. "In the car still. He fell asleep. I thought I could get you to wash the car and wake him at the same time."

"It would be our pleasure Mrs. Delia." Tom piped up and she smiled again.

Sure enough, Steffen and company had the soap ready. Eric and Steffen took flying leaps onto the car, bouncing up and down screaming, "EARTHQUAKE!" as they touched down. At the same time Emil, Tim, and Tom sprayed the car with water.

The equation worked out like so. The 'earthquake' created a mass panic attack for the occupant of the car. With that mass panic attack the same occupant dashed out of the car, got soaking wet, and was laughed at by the other boys.

"I FF-ucking hate yo-you Theffen!" The boy quickly did a turn around and was chasing Steffen around the car. "I'm goin-ing to ki-ill you! Fu-fucking bathtard!"

This made the crowd crack up even more than before. Artemis couldn't hold it in for that long either. Eric, in his own fit of laughter, had slipped off the car and on to the floor while Tom continued to lather the car with water. Emil almost dropped the soap tin.

Steffen had slipped and the chaser was not hesitant in tackling him. "I'M NOT SORRY! I'M NOT SORRY, VAUGHN!" Steffen cried while he laughed. "Your mom made us do it!" The boys continued to fight with until Tom sprayed them both.

"Break it up! Save it for later!" Both started to laugh and choke on the water. Vaughn slowly rose and extended his arm to allow Steffen to use it to get up. "I thought you said you were cousins! You always lie to me!"

Steffen looked slightly offended as he pointed to Vaughn. "We are! He's just a freak of nature!" Artemis had to admit, it looked as if they were twins. Though, just with Sean and John, there were very distinct differences. Steffen was more muscular and lean while Vaughn just look liked skin and bones. Steffen clearly needed glasses for his amber eyes and Vaughn's green orbs did not hold any implications of contacts. "His brother and parents are in the house!"

"Clara came." It was short, probably to stop the stutter and the lisp. Steffen jumped the boy again trying to bounce up and down with him.

After that Artemis was introduced to Vaughn's mother, her husband, her eldest son and then he was dragged off to hang out with the boys. He only barely was able to catch a glimpse of his parents talking with another couple.

Then life went down hill from that. Saturday he was forced to endure being the goalie. Which meant he actually had to try and stop the ball. When the first save had to be made he calculated the ball's decent which then allowed him to use less movement than others would. He slapped it out of the air and kicked it to the farthest person: John. It fell short, but it was far enough away from him that it didn't matter.

After the game with the O'Conellys it was a break for lunch, where he was hassled by Steffen and Vaughn being stupid. Both tried without success to send potato salad at their other cousin: Regina. Instead, they hit Mr. Fitzpatrick, John, and Artemis. John sent the Potatoes right back, while Mr. Fitzpatrick just wiped it off and Artemis resisted the urge to mimicked John. "So. It is to be war between us!" His voice echoed, and Artemis' brain recognized it, but he couldn't place where.

That started a food fight. Li ana was game enough to call for it and as soon as she did, everyone took cover and the food went flying. The look on Mr. Fitzpatrick's face was priceless even for Artemis. It was the look of absolute cold anger and irritation. Artemis ducked behind the bench next to Tom.

"Hand me the ketchup." Tom yelled. Everyone was screaming and laughing. Artemis grabbed both the ketchup and the mustard. "We should rush them."

"Correction. You can rush them." Artemis leaned away from the chips that fell his way. Tom turned the ketchup on him. "Alright. On Three."

"THREE!!!" And Tom charged into battle screaming like a banshee. Artemis followed pursuit and squirted everyone that came close enough. He was a moving target. Everything from chicken salad to pie was thrown his way. But who cared? He was one of the first victims hit and was already marked. "DUCK!" And Artemis dropped. Steffen, Vaughn, Sean, Li ana, and all the other lesser adults charged out from behind them.

Smashing pies in their parents' faces, clobbering them with drumsticks, and slathering them with fruit salad the Calvary came forth. Everyone was either screaming or laughing. Sean and Steffen had gotten John and Mr. Fitzpatrick, while Vaughn and his brother took on their father with the help of their mother. Artemis didn't really want to mess his mother's hair up but that was soon resolved. Li ana had popped out of nowhere and tipped the bowl of punch ever so quietly into Angeline's hair.

His mother laughed and got the young girl back by throwing bake beans her way. This gave Artemis the chance to get his father, who retaliated with sliced strawberries. As Artemis was being pelted by strawberries, he noticed Li ana reaching for the chocolate fountain. A good thing she was no long near his mother, or he would have had to intervene. However, she was right behind her father who never saw it coming.

"LI ANA! That's my hair!" splash. If any child thought the chocolate easter bunnies were exciting, Artemis was sure a chocolate covered adult would have been even better.

This seemed to distracted his own father, so Artemis took the chance to bring Butler into it. Soon enough, the bodyguard was covered in yellow and Artemis couldn't help but laugh.

Butler retaliated by shaking a can of pop and spraying it at both Artemis'. Then it became a four way war. Butler and Artemis ganged up again Angeline and Artemis Sr. Both sides lost and gained ground during the battle of half an hour. The battle was called to a sliding halt by the arrival of a young lady.

"JARED RUSSELL FITZPATRICK! I LEAVE FOR THREE MONTHS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WITH THE FOOD TEMAIR COOKS FOR YOU AND MY PATIO!?" Everyone froze in mid throw. Elise Fitzpatrick was a tall young woman. Her black hair rippled around her shoulders as she stood in the door frame. She smiled at all the guests to show that she really didn't mind.

"MAMA! OHOHOHO DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY!" Artemis rolled his eyes at Steffen's outburst. "I love you madly, madly, madam historian, No Marian! What would happen, if I broke my watch-ma-call it, I could lie on you patio unnoticed. My body would turn to carrion."

Mrs. Fitzpatrick smiled at both and laughed as Li ana jumped into her arms. The moment was ruined when the rest of the Fitzpatrick children, along with all their friends, rushed her in a mob. The young woman was soon covered with what was supposed to be lunch.

Artemis turned to his parents and they laughed. Angeline was drenched in red punch and had potato salad and fruit salad on her. Mr. Fowl was covered with mustard and was sticky with cola. Artemis looked like both his parents: potato salad and cola. They laughed again when they glanced at Butler. He had been pegged with the baked beans Angeline had thrown at Li ana.

No one was safe. Even the older family members were covered in food and drink. Everyone shook hands and laughed over the mess as they cleaned it up. Artemis felt content. It wasn't so bad, being covered with half eaten food and laughing with your parents. The day was starting to turn in his favor.

After clean up they were sent back out onto the field. Where, Artemis suffered one of the greatest losses of his life. He was no longer in the goalie position, but was running along side his father, who seemed more than capable of dodging his younger son. It was great to see him active and enjoying himself. Artemis felt more like the parent, worried that the others would be too rough with him and something would go wrong. However, after the first half, Artemis could see it would have to be a rough game.

Philo had his glasses shattered by a kick from Mr. Fitzpatrick's own brother and he was led off the field. Someone lost a shoe, Tom tore his pants, and Li ana tackled her grandfather (illegally). It was a mess. Everything seemed to be in chaos and soon anarchy befell the team. Artemis was tripped accidentally when Steffen went to steal the ball from Fowl Senior. Both boys crashed to the ground as Artemis' father hopped over them and retrieved the ball: only to score moments later.

"I really loath you." Artemis unfolded himself from Steffen who couldn't help but laugh. "I love you too, Fowl!"

There were moments when Artemis had to jump, dodge, and slide. Mostly due to his own team not using their breaks. He swore that if he ever played these games again that he would have a plan for them and they would win. This was ridiculous.

The score was atrocious. Even if you multiplied the lesser adults' own score by 4, they wouldn't even be close. Their punishment was in fact, that the children would have to clean up the dishes after dinner. Which, luckily, did not result in a food fight.

* * *

Artemis had been teamed up with Vaughn in the drying bracket. It was dull for a few minutes, until Steffen started into a song, followed by Clara. "Based on songs and stories, heroes are renowned…" 

It made the time pass a little easier and they fell into a rhythm as the parents popped their heads in to see what was going on. Artemis relaxed and fell into that rhythm. It wasn't as bad as some might believe and Artemis was slowly getting accustomed to the way this family saw life.

Steffen and Sean were bouncing back and forth and occasionally splashed each other. Li ana and John helped with putting the dishes away. Sometimes, if something was too high and the song was right, John would lift his sister so she could place her item where it needed to be. "Ring a Ring a Rosie, as the light declines. I remember Dublin City in the Rare Old times."

* * *

That night they prepared for the battle in which they would dominate: Capture the Flag. There were risks greater than those expected to be made and a rule that would save the day. Artemis loved the idea of a challenge and this proved to have many unknown factors at play. Sitting down alongside the committee that was in charge of planning, he was able to devise a plan so stunning, the wooden horse would seem obvious. 

Retiring the boys drifted off to sleep. Each was excited in what the day might bring. Artemis was going over the plans in his head when Steffen told him he was thinking too loudly. Artemis closed his eyes as Steffen rolled back over and told him to sleep. Artemis began to think of paint ball. That was not going to be pleasant.

* * *

Before Artemis had time to move from his start position he was pegged in the shoulder. Seething on the inside he moved to the 'hit' side of the field. Steffen, Clara, and Seth joined him minutes later and they greeted him happily. Clara had been hit in the hip, Seth in wrist, and Steffen on his goggles. Artemis waited with them for moments and was soon released back into the fray. 

John waved him over. Perfect. All he had to do was stay with the person who knew how to bring his enemies to their knees. John was a natural at sniping out the opponents. Sean wasn't half bad either, waiting for them and popping out of nowhere only to pummel them with a rain of fire. Artemis prayed that they stuck close together.

He shot someone. He shot someone at point blank. He and John were on the move when he had heard someone behind them. Spinning around he popped one right in their chest. The other boy fell. "Jesus."

John skidded over and pushed Artemis down. "Matthew." There were shouts from the other team as they charged both men. Artemis calculated how much pain he was about to feel and tensed. Instead, John used his body as a shield. Unnecessary. As soon as the cry was made, Aidan jumped the log and owned them all. Tess was next in the flurry of paint to take the next wave out (three rows of four) while Vaughn and Clara tagged those from behind.

It was a mess. At the end of the day, no one could tell who won. Artemis alone had 13 numerous and varied bruises. John and Sean escaped with one shot each, they were the lucky ones, however, everyone else had at least five. Philo had a nasty one right behind the kneecap, while Tim's goggles had been shot off. Why had his parents agreed to this? Artemis groaned as he sunk into the chair. He didn't want to move at all. His pain was worse then when he had first started riding with Steffen.

Which brings us to the beginning. Dusk was about to set in, and there was a game of wits and skill to be played. "Don't touch me." Steffen on the other hand was busy bouncing around with his cousin: Vaughn. And both boys had to pause in their moment off attack. Neither wanted to be killed by Artemis the boy who could kill with a glance.

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**Yay! Sweet Steffen's mommy! I love Elise. She keeps Jared in place : D! And Tess is Vaughn's older brother. Clara and Tess are together and a couple. You'll find out why Steffen likes her so much. Later! Stay tune for Capture the flag 3. Yes, the hand grenade is being saved for next chapter. I have special place for that.**


	17. Betrayed

**Disclaimer: I own at Capture the Flag. However, I do not Own Artemis or Colfer's company. So please don't own my ass.  
**

* * *

Darkness had just settled over and the moon was barely giving them any light. Sean was almost in tears over their good fortune, apparently most the time it would rain. Artemis had stated the game by the neutral line while everyone else was further back. 

The tree was all the cover he needed at that moment, but soon he would need to leave this protection and venture out across the field. He sighed and looked at his watch. Time to Rock and Roll, as Steffen had put it so elegantly. He stepped out and stayed low, knowing that even in the neutral territory, he was fair game.

"HEY! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY SISTER!" Artemis sent a glare in Steffen's direction. There was no need to yell, especially if it was about Li ana. She was quicker than any of her brothers gave her credit for. Artemis passed into neutral and slipped into the tall grass. His phone vibrated and he moved right until it stopped. As soon as it did so, he froze and waited.

The grass moved slowly and seemed to follow the course he had taken. Although he was safe, he could not risk to be noticed now. He slowed his heart. To be found now meant it was over. The moving stopped and Artemis sank a little lower into the earth. Why was he in these games? What was he doing? Risking a heart attack out in the middle of the woods? He mentally sighed.

Mistake. The grass took off. Artemis felt his heart rate follow suit and the vibrations did as well.

"PATRICK!" Artemis took off, dashing towards the woods just outside the long grass. He booked it towards the side of safety and then ducked back. He dodged and swerved his way back into the trees and waited. Steffen was still in neutral, detaining the other guard. Silently Artemis slithered back into the grass, closer to danger than before.

Moving diagonally to the left he peeked over the tall grass at another patch of trees. Slowing his pace he once again stopped before the fringe. He watched and waited. One minute. Three minutes. Five minutes. Eternity. Every second that passed by his window grew and lessened. He had to wait for the patrol. There was no way that a guard was not placed so strategically.

Every creature seemed to be out that night. Every noise had them on edge. The branches made looming shadows that had started to form the shapes of people. The wind sometimes would rustle the grass and Artemis swore someone was watching him. He paused. Someone very well could be watching him, but no matter. They could search and strain their eyes all they pleased. They wouldn't find him in the darkness.

In the blink of an eye it happened. The ghost betrayed himself, weaving between the trees as Artemis watched. Ever so slowly the being moved in and out of the small forest with care. Branches were left undisturbed and there was not a sound that came from their treading. Artemis waited until he saw the phantom pass.

Slinking out of the grass he slipped through open territory keeping his ankles close and his stride even. He kept moving even when he thought he might have heard something, to pause would only cause alarm, and the plan would fail. He made a metal sigh as he slipped into the forest and rested against a tree. Great, he was going to have sap all over his clothing. But that was the last thing he needed to worry about. Something was moving behind him.

Two guards, perhaps three, were watching the forest and one was coming this way. Artemis could only wait until they passed or came into view. Bracing himself against the tree he could do nothing as the being stopped behind him. "Kyle, you were right."

Artemis fought the instinct to run and closed his eyes. He wanted to turn off the vibrations in his pockets, even though he knew they could not be heard. "Patrick is over compensating. No one is here. The cans haven't been touched." Instantly he glanced down. Trip wire. He should have known, it was legal and useful in instances like this. As the figure moved on he waited. Knowing where the wire was would help him find his way. He couldn't touch it, or even cut it for fear of a slight jingle.

What he did do was this. He fished a paper clip from his pocket and opened it far enough to be able to slip it around the wire. Tying his shoelace to the other end he used it to lead through the trees. Another mistake about having this system was that the guards would not go near it because they could set it off. This might scare whoever was not supposed to be there and give away a trap.

His phone buzzed and he stopped. He only saw a flash of blond that darted away. Artemis waited for a moment before he continued to move on, this time with more caution.

He came to a breach in the trees and unclipped his shoelace and laced it back. He was once again at the edge, waiting for the guard to pass. Sooner than before, they passed, weaving through the forest and Artemis with only a tree between them. It was dodge and go from here.

He booked it. Jumped logs and pressed himself against the hill he was aiming for. The grass was wet with dew and he could feel the cold seep through to his sweating pores. He lunged against a tree and winced as a nub ingrained itself into his left shoulder. He would have yet another bruise to ogle at in the morning. Or was it already morning? It felt like centuries had passed by in seconds: his adrenaline was up. He jumped towards another tree, his last marker. After this, he would no longer have any cover. Flat plains left him absolutely open to an attack, wherever the enemy may be hidden. Artemis made his heart slow down as he sunk low to the ground, and made his way towards a lone tree.

This was it, he was below the Main Tree, as Sean put it. This is where his prize was hidden. Shuffling around the tree base he looked and searched. The base was huge and the root system was immense. Tall and no doubt old, the tree stood next to him and he used it to guide himself around. Where could it be? Sean had told him it would be on the ground and nowhere else. Crack. Artemis whipped his head around and pushed his body against the tree. His phone was not buzzing and he heard nothing more. He slipped.

How could he have slipped? His legs were both firm and in place. Unless…Perfect. He allowed himself a smirk. Allowing his knees to sink to the ground Artemis gingerly brushed the dirt off his mission and tucked it safely into his sock. At the same time he had to follow regulations. He did so by rolling his pants up so that everything he was doing was legitimatized. Now he had to maneuver his way back to the other side. Without being caught he slunk along the grounds and pushed up against a hill.

Slowly he rolled along the hill, pushing close and trying to stay a quiet as possible. He knew what was above him and he had to pray that none of them looked down. If so, he would be pegged with water grenades and chased, most likely tackled and imprisoned. It was passed among the Fitzpatrick that the Geneva Convention were only guidelines, and that P.O.W. were at the mercy of guards. Artemis thought about demanding his rights, but remembered that he could not be caught. _If it comes to that you must run for the 'out-of-bounds' section_, Sean had told him. _I'd rather have you out of the game than captured. _There was concern in the words and there was authority.

He kept rolling until he was able to pass back into the forest and have a moment of rest. But the rest didn't last long. Disaster struck when the trip wire was sounded and he was once again on the run. He hadn't a minute to spare. _Why am I running?_ Geneva. _I've been through worse_. Winning. Alright, that was worth a little more effort. He slowed and listened.

"Fowl." Artemis seethed and bolted. His whole body was racing. He dodged left, hurdled over a tree, and stumbled through the roots. They were equally as loud but not as fast. Artemis did not have to glance behind to know they were still close on his trail. His heart fluttered as his legs faltered. He crashed to the earth, just before the edge of the forest. Sucking in a breath he grimaced as he pulled himself free, only to be grabbed by the shoulders and wrenched up against a tree. His phone was spazzing in the process as a hand covered his mouth.

Tess! Tess was to run interference for him, thank Sean for picking someone who looked slightly like him, lanky as the other boy was. The hand withdrew and Artemis stood still. Voices were trailing him.

"You lost him?" "He's not easy to see." "He's as pale as a bloody ghost!" "…" "You know what I mean." Tess slipped away and dashed past the two. "GO!" Sacrificial lamb. Artemis waited for the buzzing to end before he slunk off and out of the woods. There was a great gap between him and his destination.

As soon as he crossed the neutral border, he knew that once again, he was being followed. There was no need to look behind him as he weaved in and out of the foliage. Trying to keep a normal pace, he continued moving in his zigzag pattern. The person had no reason to think that he had anything to hide or a reason to run. His phone buzzed and he looked to the right. Patrick. Their eyes met but neither betrayed their real intent. Though, as Patrick's gaze traveled downward Artemis nearly stopped, but had to keep going. Blue eyes flashed back up into his. It was spotted and he was in trouble.

They broke at the same time, Artemis broke right and Patrick followed_. "Go Go."_ He instructed his legs, _"Don't get caught, do not get caught. Forfeiture is unacceptable."_

Patrick popped up in front of him and Artemis pivoted left and jumped through a patch of thorns. His pant leg tore and his leg was bleed. Wonderful. Now he was dodging branches, trees, and water grenades.

Wait. He chanced a glance to his left. Li ana was there to save the day. Tossing water grenades from behind and pegging his pursuer. Patrick was undaunted and Li ana was falling behind.

Trumpets played in his head as he saw his finish line. Finally, all he had to do was collapse over the line and he was home free. This ordeal would be won and he would sleep in. He legs gave out and he fell once more. Unexpected, he lost his breath, but not his capability to offer his leg to his teammate.

Steffen reached for Artemis's ankle. The flag was sticking out and he wanted it gone. Time slowed as Steffen looked up, stopped, and pulled back. Artemis wanted to scream at him_, "take it, take it."_ But he could not. Artemis felt a hand rip once again at his injured shoulder.

It was over. He had not handed the flag off and Steffen had left him. Betrayed. "Just like Cain and Abel." He hissed as Steffen frowned, but withdrew into the darkness.

He soon was facing Patrick. The boy was taller than Artemis but also older. He wore no smile of triumph as Artemis was able to catch a glimpse of his face. "Are you alright?"

Artemis was almost surprised by the sincerity in the words. It was quite apparent that Steffen and his siblings were using group-think against him. "I am fine." Patrick nodded his head and escorted Artemis back.

In regular Capture the Flag, Patrick would have just taken the flag and dragged Artemis back. However, this game was one played for years and a set of rules and orders had to be obeyed. Patrick could not take the flag back until they had crossed into O'Conelly territory, nor could Patrick try raise any alarm should something go wrong. Both boys were immune to everyone else around them. Artemis sighed. Perhaps calling Steffen Cain had been harsh. Steffen pulling back was indeed a good idea on his part.

"May I have the flag?" Artemis offered his leg and Patrick bent down to retrieve the orange roll form Artemis' shoe. "The letter first." Good. He did know the rules by heart.

A Small flashlight was produced from Patrick's pocket. Artemis stayed close, waiting for the man to open the envelope. Taking the flashlight in his mouth the paper was torn away by steady hands. Artemis saw a ghost of a smile float through Patrick's mask before it was replaced by an awkward frown.

Meticulously folding the note and placing it into his pocket. "Well, if that is so." He paused as if knowing the shout of triumph would follow. Patrick extended his arm that held the flag and let unravel itself. The were both faced with the second piece of the puzzle, it only backed up what the letter must have proclaimed. FAKE! "Let us go back then."

Their plan had worked. Artemis had successfully carried one of the three Fitzpatrick fake flags over to where the opponent's flag was to be located, picked up the letter Vaughn had hid, and been caught before he crossed the line. Even with the accidents (trip wire) and unknown (Patrick following him from neutral) they had it turn out perfect. Steffen refusing to take the tainted flag in 'fear' of being tagged as well was impressive. He must have heard Artemis crashing through the bushes.

"What made the decision fall on Vaughn?" Artemis played with his answer.

"Slight build. Usually quiet." Artemis could almost picture Patrick nodding back and forth in agreement. "And to keep Steffen and him separate."

"Good call." He was interrupted when Li ana literally fell from the trees onto him. He too, almost fell.

"ARTEMIS! We won! But HIS brothers are trying to rain on our parade." She clung to his side and stuck her tongue out at Patrick, who didn't pay her any mind.

"I am sure that there will be even more to debate when we return." Artemis had to agree. The only ones that knew about the fake flag were the people involved, the planning committee, and Patrick (but only recently).

Sure enough the new arrivals met up with a UN nightmare. John, Tess, and Sean were trying to be peacekeepers instead of peacemakers. Steffen and Vaughn were all but physically attacking their opponents.

"CHEATERS! YOU DIRTY LYING CHEATERS!"

"Ad Hominem! Ad-d-d Hom-Hominem." Vaughn shouted back as he struggled against Tess' hold.

"Shut up you stuttering Stanley." Steffen made a lunge at the other boy and pulled his brothers forward.

Patrick, Artemis, and Li ana stood there, just watching the others try to kill each other. Suddenly, someone exploded.

"ENOUGH." It was Sean and everyone froze. "Listen. We did play by the rules." He allowed John to take a firm grasp of Steffen's shoulders. There was about to be even more of a protest until Patrick stepped in. Artemis was dragged to 'their' side by Li ana.

"Article eight, Section VI, paragraph nine." Patrick stood opposite of Sean. "I must say, we are at a loss. Perhaps it would be too much to ask if we could borrow your consigliere?"

Sean sighed. "Alas, he is ours dear Patrick."

"You cannot hide the flag. THAT is cheating."

Patrick rounded on his team. "They did not. It was clear the whole time." He rolled his wrist towards Artemis. "But who would have guessed it would have ridden on feet?"

Vaughn stood closer, "That-th a-a rhe-rhetorical quethion, Kevin." A fist flew and Artemis immediately stepped back. Sure enough, chaos descended upon the grounds once more. Vaughn had pinned his attacker and everyone was dodging punches left and right. Artemis was sure to keep away while holding onto Li ana. She however, had plans that Artemis was not going to keep her from.

"Mother fucking hell." Silence. Vaughn was in the midst of being tackled, Steffen had straddled Patrick, and Clara was choking another O'Conelly. "What are you? A bunch of heathens? I expected more of you all. Now. We won, get over it and shake hands. I want my father to sing to me and he won't do it if it gets any worse. Chop, Chop."

Artemis laughed. There she was, a regular Queen Elizabeth the First demanding attention and authorizing orders. Her troops repealed their actions at once and stood beside her.

"Well then. We will see you on the field tomorrow." Sean offered his hand as Patrick spoke. They shook and departed. Artemis was more than ready for bed. Fitzpatrick and co. made their way back to the house. Laughing over stories and congratulating Artemis on a game well played.

Artemis relinquished his phone to Seth's out stretched hand. Rules and regulations stated that electronics could not be hacked, so the Fitzpatrick hacked their own. Creating a system of silent vibrations that allowed them to be warned when they were close to each other. There was also a pattern fore each type of position: runners and duds.

"Artemith." He turned his head slightly. "Thorry abou-out thtartling y-you. I br-broke a branch in the tr-tree."

Vaughn had broken a branch above his head. "We must have great timing. However, I spotted you twice. Next time we might not be so lucky."

Vaughn laughed lightly as he leaned on his brother. "On-only twith? Thrange I-I thaw you far mo-more often than th-that." Artemis furrowed his brow.

"You should have seen Tim tackle Vaughn at the end though, Artemis! It was the greatest scene ever!"

Tim bounced to the other side of Eric and Tom. "I don't know. Clara choking Margaret was pretty hot."

"She broke my nail." Everyone laughed as Clara examined her hands. "So I pulled a sneak attack." Her nails might as well have been non-existent.

When they did make it back to the porch, Mr. Fitzpatrick took one look at them and locked the door with a stern frown on his face. Sure enough, Elise came to their rescue and shooed her husband away from the door with an elegant hand. "Come now, you must be so cold and tired!"

Half of them were falling asleep on their feet. Li ana had already fallen asleep while cradled in her father's arms. Emil was nodding off against John while Sean slowly led them both upstairs. They would celebrate later, for now they all needed rest. Trudging upstairs Artemis found himself stumbling over the steps and wishing that there was only one floor in the house hold. When they entered all the boys fell onto their mattresses, not even bothering to change. Even to him that was too much effort. He crumpled besides Vaughn and glanced at the clock. He had four hours of sleep to run on. What were these people thinking?

* * *

_**Hint**_**: there is a Birthday hidden in there…**

_**Line:**_** "Chaos literally descended…" is taken from a lecture about Failed states and Northern Ireland. Yes, I know Northern Ireland is not a failed state.**

_**Group-think:**_** where the group has one mode of thought and everything that disagrees with it becomes crap and is ignored. Group-think occurs in all types of situations. It's mainly an in-group/out-group association. It's a bad thing people. You go and look it up. It's like stereotyping.**

_**Ad Hominim/Hominem:**_** Can be spelled either way (or so I decided). It is a personal attack, not an actually attack on the argument. So like, "Fucking snot-nosed pig." Is ad hom. While attacking their main point "2+2 is 3" "no. 2+2 is 4. Blah" is not. Now, if we could just tell Vaughn that he is committing the fallacy of Jargon that would be great.**

_**Clarifications:**_** Clara was not really choking anyone, it just looked like it. And yes, Li ana swears, rare as it may be. I'm sorry if you can't understand what Vaughn is saying. He's got a rather irregular stutter and a pretty bad lisp. And yes, Artemis went to bed in his clothing. I'm glad if I get my shoes and socks off.**

**NEXT: Artemis is off for a chase/hunt. Hide and seek horse/dog style. He runs into a little trouble, but an unlikely friend saves the day.**


	18. You've Got a Friend in Me

Huzzah, we are on a role. As I've stated before, I do not own Artemis Fowl.

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Vaughn and Steffen jumped the fallen tree that Artemis reined Robin around without the hassle of jumping the ancient wood. He had no need to break his back jumping something he could move around. He also saw no reason to be racing around a forest he was not familiar with. Talk about a sure way to the hospital.

It was a cool morning, the mist was just lifting and he was relaxing in his saddle and was more eager to enjoy the sights than to zip through the day. A gentle quietness seemed to have taken over the morning, even with the random shouts of, "ROSCO! KENT!" or "LEO, MINDY- ATTACK!" that would occasionally break the spell.

The "Hunt" as it was called, was just training for Rosco and Kent (who were part of the police force). The other dogs just liked finding people that weren't hidden as hard as the rest. It was a pretty good exercise for everyone. Hounds, equines, and people were all depending on each other to find as many people as they could and as fast as possible. After they found someone they would have to let them go and look for a different person in a new hiding spot. If someone was in pursuit of a hidden 'treasure' they could not be followed.

The teams consisted of those who were to be hunters and those who would be the prey. There were never any fighting over who rode and who hid. No one was ever forced to do something they didn't want to do. If there was an argument, you just didn't play. End of story.

Artemis's mother and father were separated with no vocal protest from there son, but all the mental rioting could not be subdued. Artemis Senior was asked to join Mr. Fitzpatrick, John and James (Mr. Fitzpatrick's brother) in their hunting group. Emil had forgone his mount and offered that Fowl Sr. rode in his place. It was a battle of stubbornness and Artemis watched as the two tried to insist on their own views. At the end of it all Emil won and Watch was bestowed (and very interested in) the eldest Fowl.

The first attempt at mounting was like a dance. While Artemis the First tried to get up, Watched tried to go down. His head dropped to nibble at his soon-to-be-rider and side stepped away from the man, trying to get an idea of what this individual was capable of. All Mr. Fowl could do was laugh and let the curious steed inspect him.

Phhfft. "Satisfactory I presume?" Ears pricked forward and watched as Mr. Fitzpatrick held Watch's head as the second and successful mount was preformed. "No harm done."

Angeline Fowl was placed with Elise, Li ana, and Sean. Leaving Artemis with Vaughn and Steffen. She was dragged off to meet her own partner in this event: a dashing little chestnut mare. When she first came out of the stall Artemis had his doubts. Her ears darted this way and that, she was more frantic in her movements and suspicious of everything around her. Her nicker was loud and piercing and there was the constant transfer of weight from one foot to the next.

Angeline was not bothered by the mare's attitude and mounted with ease and the grace of a lady. As soon as his mother was up Roselenne was still and her ears went lax.

Ducking a branch so that his helmet did not cracked him in the nose; Artemis tried to adjust his hands. This allowed him a moment in time to push the foreboding object back into its original position.

"Pick up the pace Fowl! Robin might be old but she's not slow." Somehow Steffen had come up from behind on Artemis' right side and passed him. Vaughn however, was waiting up ahead.

"Why are we rushing?" His answer came when he heard Vaughn's retriever Rusty howl. Target locked on. "CHARGE!"

Once again Steffen and Vaughn were off and Artemis was almost left behind. Robin however was done eating the other's dirt and Artemis was just along for the ride. Gone in 60 seconds never had a chance.

Somehow something went dreadfully wrong. Artemis Fowl began to slip and Robin refused to slow._ I'm not going to fall_, his fingers intertwined through her mane while his body was slipping to the left. He could not sit deep, for his seat was leaving him. Her reigns were too loose and she was too excited. Slowly he began to speak.

"Robin. Wo. Wo." And ear twitched back "Slow and ho. We are okay. Slow and ho."

And she listened. Her trot moved down to a walk and Artemis was able to slide off. As he slid he made sure to stick close to her shoulder and kept a hold of her reigns. Robin just stood there and began to doze; he velvet ears were serving as antennas moving this way and that. Her flesh was twitching in irritation: the saddle was awkwardly placed. The situation at hand ended up having Artemis sliding half way under his mount to un-cinch the leathers and the girth. Biting the tip of his glove and pulling them both off, he got to work.

He pulled up as gently as he could, but still enough to force free the girth. Luckily for him he moved back before the saddle had the chance to knock him in the head. Placing a hand on the falling pommel he was able to pull the girth across the seat, as well as grabbing the iron and laying it along the side the girth. He pulled the saddle up and away from Robin along with the saddle pad.

He expected her to bolt, to take off and leave him stranded. Instead, she just craned her head and watched him work. He was slow to tack up again, making sure that everything was where it needed to be. At the same time he thought about how saddle could have slipped. When they had walked out of the gate, he had dutifully tightened it. He had even waited for Robin to heave a breath out of her nostrils to secure the saddle on her back.

Now that everything was tight enough he looked for a mounting block or just something he could use to mount up from.

A hollow log presented itself to him at just a hop and a skip away. Keeping the reigns around Robin's neck, Artemis was able to slide his hand up to the bit and move her forward. Her ears moved to focus on him and on the log, but continued to move forward.

When he stepped up onto the log and tried to mount, 3 things happened at once. 1) the loggrowled, 2) Artemis slipped away from the log and, 3) Robin sidestepped to the right.

Artemis landed with his legs sprawled over the log and his back snuggled in the grass of the forest floor. His eyes stared up at the gray skies of morning and the dew soaked through his pants and coat. Shock was not the case, as the young Fowl had fallen he decided to wait for either Robin to come to him, or one of his teammates.

He was betting on Robin.

Turning his head to the left his eyes fell on something that was most definitely not Robin. Saliva was dripping from some white mass of matted fur. Artemis could only sigh in his head. A rabid dog had found him. How was he supposed to combat that?

They watched each other for 30 seconds, until the beast broke the trance and bore after Artemis's flesh. All he could do was wait for the bite. _I told you so_ ran through his mind as the dog lunged.

Bones snapping, blood splattering, and heart-stopping scream split the forest trees as if it was nothing.

Robin had been quicker, faster, stronger, and better. Instantly she picked herself up and shattered the dog's skull. Artemis felt slightly sick as she continued to make sure the mongrel was dead. Stepping off the corpse she moved to Artemis's side and lowered her head.

"Please." He stroked her muzzle "Do not do that to me." She responded by lifting her head to his hair and attempting to eat it. They were both shaking. "Thank you."

A pounding was getting louder and he knew that it was neither of their hearts. Robin picked her head up and listened intently to who was riding up.

He had never seen dismounts as graceful and so quickly done as both of Steffen and Vaughn's were preformed. Both their mounts stood still as soon as their riders sprang from their stirrups and touched the ground.

Steffen was first to his side and was patting him down. "Are you hurt?"

Artemis finally fished his arms from under himself and used his elbows to scoot away from where he was sitting. Sliding his legs off the log he was able to sit up properly and look at both the boys. "I am fine."

Silence was cast amongst them as Artemis watched as Vaughn got up and looked over the corpse. There was no poking, nor any prodding, just observation from the boy. The matted fur was trampled and the blood let steam off in the cool morning air. Artemis moved closer to Robin and let his hand rest upon her shoulder as his eyes wandered over her legs. "We should sterilize her."

Steffen's phone was already at his ear. "I'll call the old man and tell him to bring the first aid." His speech came low and steady with the minimum of actual words. The boy never left Artemis's side, nor let Vaughn out of his sight, though his head was bent to the ground and his body was wandering in a circle. "McCallister's." Was the only part of the sentence Artemis could actually catch in his ears as he waited silently for the next round of adventures. A click sounded and Steffen was once again towering just centimeters from the young Fowl.

His voice was still low as Steffen's vocal cords managed to shake out a "They're on their way" response. He strode over to Vaughn to over look the damage. "Fuck!" It was startling to everyone as the boy grabbed his own hair and stomped both feet into the ground.

At this point in time the 'Hunt' came to a stop and the parties returned to the barn. All but the two parties called to the scene. Mr. Fitzpatrick had sent John off to collect the owner of the dog and allowed Artemis Senior to accompany him to where the boys were waiting.

Vaughn greeted the two older gentlemen as he moved to hold their mounts for them. Mr. Fitzpatrick dismounted almost as quickly as Steffen and Vaughn had. But where they had made a sound, his footfalls left none. The man did not dash away form his mount, instead he waited for the other Fowl to dismount. One would think that perhaps dismounting would be easier than mounting, but unfortunately, one has to land on both feet.

He was not as graceful or as silent, but Artemis the First dismounted with as much splendor as he could muster. He was clever to lean against Watch (who in return seemed not to mind) and use him as a balancing place. Yes, his knees did fold slightly, but he seemed to bounce back up without so much as a pause.

Mr. Fitzpatrick moved away from his steed and glanced over at Artemis. "Is anyone hurt?" the white box was taken out of the saddlebag that was strapped to his mount.

"No." Artemis moved away from Robin to show that he was all right and that Robin was just as fine as when they had left.

So it began. The telling of what had come to pass. Artemis couldn't help but feel a little better when Mr. Fitzpatrick shot the other boys a very withering-to-death glare. When Mr. McCallister had arrived it was a solemn occasion. John had allowed the old man the use of his hand as a cane while they walked through the trees. Everyone had heard them coming, Mr. McCallister was speaking of his beloved pet. Artemis felt his heart strain for a moment. Before the man was brought here the creature had not been a cute puppy, wagging his tail as he trotted up to his best friend. The creature had been deadly and had the intent to kill.

"Mr. McCallister, You have my sincerest apologies." Artemis was the first to step forward before the old man had time to glance at the corpse. "I never saw this as an outcome-"

A shaking hand halted what was to be said. Mr. Fitzpatrick escorted the man to stand before what had befallen his friend. Eyes closed and a wrinkled hand was brought to his face. There was a soft sob and the tears were shed. Fowl Senior moved closer to his son and placed a hand on his shoulder. Artemis felt re-assured as his father stood by his side as they silently watched as one man mourned his loss of life.

"Tell me." The words held nothing but sadness in them. There was no spark of hate nor did they held the desire to be angry. They only wanted to know. So once more Artemis revealed what had transpired. Nodding, the older man stepped away from the body and moved to Robin and Artemis. He looked both in the eye and found no malice or aforethought. It had been a terrible and tragic accident. "It was quick then."

"Yes."

Sterilization began quickly. The body had to be burned where it was while the horses were moved away from the flame. Helmets were removed and a prayer was said. Shovels were gathered to bury what remained and a marker was made to remember where such a noble dog had fallen. By the time everything was finished it felt as though it should be the evening, but it was only mid-day. Silence still cloaked all as they walked back to the barn. What was there to say? Even Vaughn and Steffen held their tongues.

Artemis was now assured that he would never forget this adventure or the favor that Robin had done for him. Even though it had darkened the blue skies considerably, Robin had saved him and he was very aware of it as he passed her frolicking in the pasture. Tailing behind with his father, he watched her. She, being a prey animal, stopped to watch him for a moment and then bobbed her head, flicked her tail, and was off again.

"You know what she is saying?" Artemis looked over at Mr. McCallister who also had slowed his pace, his voice was soft as he spoke only to Artemis. "You've got a friend in me."

Artemis nodded in acknowledgment. He wondered if Po would let him write on Robin instead of Steffen. "Don't try it Fowl." Artemis shook his head and walked on. One night left.

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Notes: Mindy, Leo, and Rusty are not my dogs. They belonged to my friends and have passed away. They were indeed, best friends to all. Rosco and Kent are the future names of my future German shepherds as well as an in side joke with Rosco being a Police dog. I thought it was funny. You'll see it again.

Next is the Ceremony! Awards are handed out and moments are replayed, however, the outcome of the total is never betrayed.


	19. One Little Slip

**HUGE AUTHOR NOTE**: I have had so many disclaimers, I'm not putting any more up. We are all clearly aware _I do not own Artemis Fowl_. Another thing, this chapter had to be included due to huge reasons that I'm not explain other than one: Chronologically it needs to be here. Granted, if you want to miss out on a few things, you **CAN SKIP THIS CHAPTER**. It's like the Cetology chapters in Moby-Dick: needed but not needed.

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The screen rolled up as the lights were slowly turned on. Artemis now realized why the Fitzpatrick had allowed for the second and third stories' hallways to be open and over look the lower portion of the building. These 'hallways' allowed for guest to watch the videos from makeshift balconies. How Steffen had talked him into sitting in the actual room, he was forgetting. Speaking of his 'teammate' Artemis felt the boy rise and had to resist the urge to sneak a seething sideways glance at him. "I wanna see."

There was a repeat somewhere in the crowd. "James here" again "I wanna see James here as an MC. With our arms out open wide, we've got James on our side. I wanna see James here as an MC."

And so James, chuckling, moved away from the wall and towards the stage. James look similar to his brother but only a little shorter and a little darker: twins seemed to run in the family. "Well I want to see." They changed it back to 'wanna' while laughing in between the claps. "Jared here" Repeat the name, only the children shouted "old man" in place of their father's name.

"I want to see Jared here as an MC. With our arms out open wide, we've got Jared by our side. I want to see Jared here as an MC." The clapping continued as Mr. Fitzpatrick took to the stage and stood next to his brother. Perhaps without meaning to, the man overshadowed his brother and his stance drew the crowd to silence. "You know Jared, I feel completely awkward whenever we're speaking on stage together."

Mr. Fitzpatrick turned slightly to the man next to him. "Perhaps you should cheat out a bit more." Artemis chuckled as James turned more toward the audience. "There, now how do you feel?"

"I feel like thanking the camera crew, not only because they can edit out the fool and keep the professional, but also for an exquisite replay of all the game aspects." Clapping and whopping resounded throughout the house. Even Artemis was impressed by the recreation of the Capture the Flag game.

"However, as Masters of the Ceremony, we must also extend our thanks to everyone who partook in this 16th round of the family games. You all went above and beyond our expectations. Thank you." Another round of applause as James stepped to the side. However, it took a bit too long for it to die down. What silenced the people was the chandelier shaking slightly. Artemis heard Steffen hiss and felt him sink in his seat. "Dad!"

Everyone laughed at that as James slinked over to an older gentleman with oakish hair and owl-eyed glasses, who was trying to hide his smile behind his hand.

"Since my brother has gone into hiding, I will take it upon myself to start this round of awards. When your name is read, please come to the stage and accept your award." Steffen brought Artemis' head down toward his own head to explain what was going on.

"If your name is to be called, you accept the award as well as the slip of paper it was read from." Steffen paused as Sean's award was read. "Then you read off the next award that comes out of that basket up on stage."

Artemis chanced a glance onto the stage and saw a huge wicker basket. "the speech is tied onto the award."

He waited as Seth was called up to the front. "Thank you for being my eyes of observation, Steffen." As soon as eyes dropped from his lips, Artemis' chin was in a firm but gentle grip.

Everything went quiet around them as Steffen lowered his voice. "Do not speak of things which you cannot yourself attest to." Though Steffen's hand did drop from its position, it felt as though it had shoved Artemis away. Both boys turned away from each other to watch the proceedings.

They watched as Sean accepted his Don award, followed by a girl (probably Steffen's cousin) and then Tom's. Tom's small voice cascaded through the halls as he read the next award, "It was a recipe for disaster. A four-course meal of no sir-ree. It seemed that happily ever after, was happy everyone was after me. It was a cup of good intentions. A table-spoon of one big mess. A dash of over reaction, I assume you know the rest." Somehow Tom was able to make direct contact with Artemis' eyes and the boy smiled. "The award for the Accident-Prone Scapegoat is here by granted to Artemis Fowl the Second."

A warm applause flitted through the room as Artemis stood and began his way up to the stage. He had received awards before, so the processes of accepting wasn't new. Take the award in the left, which is always under the right hand that is to be shaken. A slight curt nod is always appreciated. Tom's hand was strong and firm with long fingers: perfect for guitar. "Thank you."

"Thank the board" with that Tom bounced down the stairs and snuggled into his chair next to Eric. Artemis did not take a moment to glance at what had been placed into his hand: now came the juggling act. Holding the object that he was given was proving to be difficult. The figurine was masterfully made, but very cumbersome to a hand whose owner did not know what was breakable. The figure was forced under his right arm as he tore open the next envelope.

"I sprang to the stirrup, and Joris, and he;/ I gallop'd, Dirck gallop'd, we gallop'd all three;/ 'Good speed !' cried the watch, as the gate-bolts undrew;/'Speed!' echoed the wall to us galloping through;/ Behind shut the postern, the lights sank to rest,/ And into the midnight we gallop'd abreast." Artemis himself created the dramatic pause as he tried forcing his eyebrow from twitching. "Sharing How They Brought the Good News from Aix to Ghent, Steffen, Vaughn, and myself."

Before Artemis had time to fold the note, Steffen was by his side and reaching for it. Vaughn, however, was taking his time. "Hurry up Vaughn. I don't care if you have nicotine breath. Walk the fuck faster."

"You know he's just going to walk slower." Artemis commented-just as the boy dropped his pace down to turtle mode.

"Well fine, if he wants to take so long, let him." Picking the next card out of the basket in front of him, Steffen flicked it open.

"In each of us there are two natures. If this primitive duality of man: good and evil, could be housed in separate identities, life would be relieved of all that is unbearable." Vaughn slowly made his way up the stairs and stood to the right of Artemis as Steffen read on. "It is the curse of mankind that these polar twins should be constantly struggling."

The silence was crushing. The statement was loaded and it seemed no one would want the award, for who in the world would like to be compared to man who was both good and evil? "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is awarded not based on what most people believe. A man is not just a man, as we have come to understand. Artemis Senior has shown us a character of more depth than can be preci-" Steffen stopped and looked straight at his father. "This is retarded." He cocked his wrist with the letter towards the man.

"Artemis Fowl the First, this is an honorable award because we have seen your fluid transition from man of business to a family man during the games." Artemis watched as his father smiled and nodded his head. "Thank you, Artemis Fowl the First, for taking part in these games."

Artemis would have clapped the hardest out of everyone present, but instead Steffen found a way to slip the award into his hands, as well as the real speech. Artemis greeted his father with a handshake and a smile. Angeline clapped enthusiastically for both her boys. The award was a multicolored ball point pen. One side was a stunning ebony while the other was a luminous white. Gold engravings were at the top of both the respected sides. With closer examination the white side held "Mr. Hide" while the black bore "Dr. Jekyll".

Artemis frowned. He had not yet glanced at his own token. As he let his father take part in awarding another family member, Artemis moved back to his seat where he would examine his own two awards.

A small white goat figurine with bright red stilettos winked up at him. On its left hind leg there was a secret compartment that held a small orange flag. Artemis was pleased with the toy. Someone had put a lot of thought into the small goat. Though, who had had the time to make all these?

He had also received a small horse figurine who's saddle had been fastened on sideways and who's front feet made a stamping motion that was controlled by a button underneath the chest. When the button was pressed a tune played. How clever.

The night continued on as more awards were given. His mother had received an award for being a Defender of the Young, poking fun at when she had intervened (multiple times) to save Li ana and Emil from their aunt. Even Butler was awarded something, the tall bodyguard received Practical to Tactical for his slick moves during the food fight.

For the last time that evening James and Jared took the stage. Both men were laughing amongst themselves as the hopped up the steps. "Every time I go up these stairs, I fear I'm going to fall in front of everyone."

"That's why you hike you knees up and move fast. That way, you don't have time to catch your feet." Mr. Fitzpatrick was in front of the mic as James took his time to stand next to his brother.

"Thank you. Your stage mannerisms never cease to amaze me." Somewhere in the crowd someone yelled "your face" and chuckles followed. "Isn't the reply, 'you're mama'?"

"Yes. However, seeing as we have the same mother, you would be insulting yourself." James frowned at his brother for a moment. "But you said I was adopted."

"I wish." Jared Fitzpatrick put an end to the playful banter and continued on. "These last few days have created memories we will never forget. Nor will we forget the friendships we have made or renewed."

"From Football to having dinner together, we have caught up on our lives as well as planned for future events. For all of those driving, please be safe. For those of you flying, may your plane fly swift."

"We thank each and every one of you for coming to the Games, and may we see you in the years to come. Thank you and have a safe trip home." Both men began to clap as everyone stood up and applauded each other. Pats on the back, hugs, and handshakes were exchanged when the clamor had died down. Artemis felt Steffen take his hand as the boy smiled at him.

"Congratulations Artemis Fowl the Second, you have survived your first Fitzpatrick Family Games."

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**Notes**: "In each of us…constantly struggling" Is a line from the musical "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde". I stole it but I'm giving credit because I don't want you all to think I am actually that clever. However, there is a reason that this was read not only because I wanted Artemis Sr. to be awarded something. :D Kek.

Also, "How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix" Is one of the best Robert Browning poems ever. Granted, I think Robert Browning is the best poet ever.

Thanks to **Silver Mystic** for editing this chapter and helping make some decisions and tell me I'm retarded sometimes. Also, congrats on that sexy tattoo :D! We're starting a fashion. If there are any mistakes, they are mine. I added some (very little) more.

**Next time:** Yeah...Still working on that. No promises, but I think Artemis is due for a visit. Jared can only handle so many people over at his house at a time.


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